Tao of Poker

Tao of Poker - 2011 Year in Review

2011-12-26T16:20:00.009-05:00

By Pauly
New York City

Time flies, eh?

Hard to believe that 2012 is around the corner, but I'm kinda glad that 2011 is over. This year was one of the roughest, saddest, and most excruciating that I experienced since I ventured into the poker world. I can only be optimistic about the future, because it can't get any worse... right?

I'm burned out beyond belief. It's definitely time for me to take an extended break. I need some time to unplug and write for a while. If you need a poker fix, I encourage you to read the best of the Tao of Poker from 2011...

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January 2011

God's Cell Phone Number - Things got a little crazy while betting on the NFL playoffs and I successfully pulled off a Band of Brothers reference...

Sometimes I refer to God as Gretzky. At least, that's what I have him labeled on my cell phone. I'd hate for someone to steal my phone and than have a direct number to God. Hence, why He's coded as GRETZKY. He doesn't gives those out to anyone. It's one of the perks of attending a Jesuit high school. You learn Latin, Greek, and get God's cell phone number... MORE

Dispatches from the PCA: You Enjoy Myself - My lovely girlfriend won a satellite to the Ladies Event, so I flew down to Paradise Island in the Bahamas to attend the PCA as a civilian and professional railbird. I also drunk a shit-ton of rum and gambled at the sports book.

The cabbie pulled into Atlantis and I tipped him fairly decent, enough that he tried to sell me a bag of blow. I politely declined. Do you know the six words that aptly describes cocaine from the Caribbean? Clumps together, but only cut once... MORE

Dispatches from the PCA: Divided Sky - I spent a lot of time watching the Dead People Channel and then hung out on the rail to sweat Change100 during her victorious run in the Ladies Event.

It's no secret that I feel uncomfortable and unwelcomed at any Ladies Only events because I'm getting thousands of daggers shot at me from evil glances from the players, many of whom on principle hate men, not to mention a slew of female players who think I'm an asshole because my writing glorifies misogyny and the poor treatment of women by condoning prostitution and promoting stripping... MORE

Tao of Pokerati Podcast: Bahama Mama - Change100 Scores Ladies PCA Title - Listen to a super quick podcast that I recorded with Change100 after she beat Lauren Kling heads-up to win the PCA Ladies event.

Looming Municipal Debt Crisis the Key to Online Poker Legislation? - The majority of the states in the union were faced with severe budgetary problems at the start of 2011. I hypothesized that some states will look to legalize online poker in order to make a dent into their ginormous debt obligations.

The future is grim no matter how you look at it. That's why there's very little chatter in the media about the looming municipal debt crisis. It's sort of like an asteroid ready to crash into Earth -- it's much easier to be the ostrich with its head buried in the ground, and let everyone go about their daily lives, rather than clue them in on the reality of the situation and that the end of the world could be right around the corner...MORE

Dan Shak's Hedge Fund Nearly Blows Up the Gold Market - Speaking of finance... did you hear the one about Dan Shak nearly causing a financial tsunami?

Talk about a trader who has a set of titanium balls! That's what I love about Dan Shak -- he made a ballsy trade, it went south, he cut his losses, shrugged it off, and wants to get back in the game... MORE

Eight Voices and a Sea of Trouble - I broke down the eight different voices inside my head that often get me into gambling trouble.

Accessing the future for my own financial gain is an unattainable pipe dream. I meet people all the time in Vegas and in poker circles who claim that have foolproof systems for blackjack, roulette, the horses, stock options, etc. I've met lots of shit-talkers, but I've never crossed paths with a legitimate psychic who can accurately predict the future. Believe me, I scoured the world for a seer and found lots of charlatans, but came up empty...MORE

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February 2011

Your Hands and Feet Are Mangos, Part 1 - For one week, I conducted an experiment -- do nothing except drink rum and bet on sports.

In the last few years, what used to be a ravenous love affair with sports betting had become a coarse, listless, co-dependent relationship. Each bet used to be like riding a rollercoaster for two hours while jacked up on cocaine. But not anymore because watching each game was more like being prisoner on a cruise ship adrift in stormy seas that's inducing you to puke your nads out....MORE

Your Hands and Feet Are Mangos, Part 2 - Here's the second and final installment of my rum-inspired sports betting diaries, which started out as a social experiment but over a long weekend, I nearly lost my shirt on college hoops and had an accident that left our kitchen floor all... sticky.

"Good news and bad news," I barked and then inspected my soaked jeans. "Bad news is that the kitchen floor is pink and sticky. Good news is that thanks to the supreme technological advances in developing plastics, the shatter-proof bottle prevented the rum from exploding."...MORE

Syracuse Point-Shaving Rumors Debunked; Major College Basketball Betting Scandal Averted? - The Syracuse point-shaving rumors blew up overnight and what would have just been whispers among paranoid bettors, until it became a national scandal.

College athletes have become pawns for corporate entities. All of those annoying redundant commercials during March Madness made you nauseous, but it's a clear indication at the significant money that is thrown around by major advertisers. Someone is making a buck on college athletes, everyone except the athletes themselves....MORE

Tao of Pokerati Podcast: Exotic Betting on the Super Bowl with Change100 - I recorded a quick podcast with my girlfriend, who was excited to bet on how long it was going to take Christina Aguilera to sing the National Anthem.

Live Sumo Is Rigged - If you didn't know, the national sport of Japan has a shady past of rigging matches.

Taking a dive was a dishonor yourself, let alone a sincere dishonor to the entire Sumo community of wrestlers, trainers, promoters, fans, and even the guy who gets paid to wipe the arses of ginormous wrestlers.... MORE

The Bluff Power 20; Howard Lederer Has the Juice - Howard Lederer was named the most powerful person in poker.

Deadhead. Former bookie. Poker pro. Online poker visionary. Top dog. Top gun. King of the Hill. The Godfather... MORE

* * *
March 2011

Closing the Sahara - I took a walk down memory lane when I found out that the Sahara Casino in Las Vegas was closing its doors.

Las Vegas rose up out of the nothingness of the sand. A former Mormon missionary outpost had transformed into a gambling Mecca by gangsters, real estate developers, and bankers. Mecca is actually an inappropriate word to describe Las Vegas because there's nothing religious about a pilgrimage to modern day Sodom and Gomorrah -- the epicenter for the orgy of consumption... MORE

Orphaned Cards - I cannot explain why, but sometimes I find random cards in the middle of the street.

Rolling Out the Magic - If I was a TV exec and I could rig a final table, I'd pick nine specific personality types.

Television executives in poker are faced with two rigorous obstacles: 1) inaction at the tables, and 2) lack of stimulating dialogue. Both are detrimental to ratings. Lackadaisical ratings gave poker a blemish, which is why the suits in charge of programming banished poker to uncoveted late night slots, where stoners and insomniacs alike watched with an indifferent glaze. The few remaining programs were lost in the shuffle at the farthest ends of the satellite spectrum, embroiled in fierce competition against 1,000 other stations.... MORE

Sweating Sachin Tendulkar - New low as a degen gambler... I bet on cricket.

Despite being plagued with a short attention span, an 8-hour sporting event like cricket is a definite commitment, both physically and mentally, but due to medical breakthrough and advances in technology, 8-hour long cricket matches are conductive if you have proclivities to specific time-released pharmaceuticals.... MORE

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April 2011

Down With Diseased Monkeys - I began the month betting on baseball and went on a horrid losing streak.

Sports betting is a huge life leak, but it's also a life sweetener, or a bottle of hot sauce that spruces up mundane aspects of daily life, which is why it's inherently dangerous. Finding the perfect balance between entertainment, merriment, stroking the ego is essential to healthy lifestyle. It's when you cross over the proverbial demarcation line in the murky, cloudy grey area that you takes strides away from the light and rush toward the dark.... MORE

Black Friday, Vampire Squids, and 1,000 Masturbating Monkeys - I was in Lima, Peru when Black Friday hit and waited until after I finished climbing Machu Picchu before I wrote about my take on the worst day in the history of online poker.

What was the point of even sending the PPA to Washington? Instead, we should have sent a hundred masturbating chimpanzees to lobby for online poker -- they would have accomplished the same fucking thing as the PPA, but at least we'd have some cool YouTube videos of monkeys jerking off on the steps of the Capitol.... MORE

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May 2011

Aunt Emma - Another installment of the infamous Pai Gow Diaries.

A disheveled woman sat down next to me. She wore a green terry cloth jacket. For a second I thought she walked into the casino wearing her bath robe. But she smelled like she had slept in her car, woke up, blew a snot rocket, smoked the ends of three week-old cigarette butts, then walked over to the Pai Gow table.... MORE

PokerStars Offices Raided in Costa Rica - I just happened to know a few friends in Costa Rica who were around when the federales raided the San Jose offices of online poker rooms.

Black Friday Fallout: Offshore Sportsbooks Fleeing U.S. Soil - The sportsbetting industry also took a hit when they experienced residual fallout from Black Friday.

14 Fun Moments from the 2010 WSOP and 14 More Fun Moments at the 2010 WSOP - I was reminiscing about some fun times I had in the summer of 2010.

Fading the Rapture - I love betting against Jesus Freaks, especially those predicting specific dates for Armageddon.

Glow in the Dark Dragons - And what's the WSOP without kicking it off by going on dealer tilt at a Pai Gow table?

The new line of Pai Gow bots will not arrive until late in 2011, which means I only have to deal with older version, which are prone to glitches and the occasional error. I guess that's the only good thing to come out of the Japan quake. Sure, Japan is drowning in radiation soup while traces of radioactive material flutter its way toward North American airspace, but at least I won't have to worry about an upgraded version of the Pai Gow bots.... MORE

* * *
June 2011 and August 2011

Thanks to Alexander, I got to be on the cover of The Circuit. here's my interview...

I covered my 7th World Series of Poker on Tao of Poker. Here's the index of coverage...

Let's start with a couple of posts that were published before cards went in the air on Day 1. Among those were a few tidbits about the Ivey/Full Tilt lawsuit.

2011 WSOP: Before the Madness Begins - A prelude to the seven-week fiesta of poker.

WTF? Phil Ivey Suing Full Tilt Poker - In one of the most peculiar news stories since Black Friday, Phil Ivey announced he was leaving Full Tilt, suing Tiltware, and sitting out of the WSOP. All of these important announcements were made on his Facebook fan page. Whaaaaa?

Full Tilt's Angry Response to Phil Ivey's Lawsuit - The drama-filled start to the WSOP continued with an angry response from Full Tilt's HQs. That's the fastest they ever responded to anything in the wake of Black Friday.

Finding Pil Ivey and the Doctor Is In - The video crew at Bluff Magazine did an awesome job with their videos this summer, especially the bit Finding Ivey. I got tapped to tape an interview and you can see a teaser in this video.

The Circuit Cover and Interview - I was fortunate that Alexander asked me to be a part of his amazing photo project -- The Circuit. Check out what went down behind the scenes during the photo shoot, including a candid interview about what life is really like on the road following around the tournament circuit.

Okay, and now here are the daily recaps from the 2011 WSOP...

Day 1: Welcome to the Jungle and Phil Ivey's Titanium Balls - The 2011 WSOP kicked off with lots of questions swirling around about which pros would toe the company line and support Full Tilt Poker, and which red pros would ditch the patches and other FT branding. Phil Ivey fired the first shot with his lawsuit (announced via Facebook), but did he incite a mutiny with other red pros following his lead?

Day 2: Ivey's Hippodrome and Bare-Chested Scandis - Gus Hansen wandering around with his shirt undone and the ongoing saga between Phil Ivey and Full Tilt were among the more dramatic topics on the second day of action.

Day 3: Moneymaker and Johnny Fucking Chan Win Grudge Matches and Men the Master Cheating Accusations - A Made-for-TV event occupied the Mothership with Chris Moneymaker and Johnny Fucking Chan winning their Main Event "grudge matches". Meanwhile, in the real WSOP, Men the Master was the center of hurricane of shadiness when he hypocritically accused Hollywood Dave of shorting a pot. A shouting match ensued and both were on the verge of being disqualified.

Day 4: Jake Cody's Emos, Hooligans, and Hat Tricks - Jack Cody, the latest British wunderkind made history when he became only the third member of the Triple Crown club. His victory did not come without a little rail rowdiness along the way.

Day 5: Apocalypse Now (Guest Post by Change100) - Yes, I had the day off and Change100 stepped up to pen an atmospheric piece on the tension in the air at the start of the 2011 WSOP -- the first series in the wake of Black Friday and "money getting stuck on Full Tilt" fiasco.

Day 6: Ho-most for Maria Ho - The lovely Maria Ho went deep in the 5K NL event and came within one spot of winning her first bracelet.

Day 7: British Invasion, Vampire Squids, and the Devil - After the first week of nonstop poker, the first zombie begin to appear at the Rio. The zombies in turn attract the Devil along with treacherous vampire squids.

Day 8: The Marked Cards Conspiracy and the Last 5 Pros I Pissed Next To - It's not the WSOP unless there's a controversy involving the cards. There's always something wrong with the decks. At the 2011 WSOP, a couple of the decks had a printing error that was only visible underneath the groovy purple grow-lights inside the Mothership.

Day 9: Cocking Blocking the Brits - The Brits launched an all-out assault on Las Vegas once again as they threatened to win another bracelet but the bloody 10-level rule was the only thing that prevented them from shipping another bracelet.

Day 10: Banning Booze, World Series of Mormons, and Sweating the Mavs - Despite the financial woes bringing America to the brink of ruin, the WSOP continued to thrive in the face of external adversity on both the political and financial fronts. The influx of players always brought with it a wave of fervor on the rail during final tables. The powers to be did not anticipate a Mardi Gras-like atmosphere inside the Mothership that is a fragile TV set and not a country-western bar. As a result, booze was officially banned at the final table.

Day 11: Social Media in Poker and Tex Dolly Blows Chunks - The poker world has changed for the better (or worst) because of the heavy influence of social media. Oh, and we found out through Twitter that Texas Dolly got ill during the middle of a tournament because of something he ate.

Day 12: Hellmuth Chokes and Prohibition Ends at the Mothership - Phil Hellmuth was on a mission to win his 12h bracelet, yet his attempt was thwarted. Meanwhile, much to the delight of the alkies in Vegas, booze was permitted to be consumed inside the Mothership. Yes, the short-lived prohibition was over.

Day 13: Tweaker City, USA - I experienced a rather sketchy encounter in the parking lot at the Gold Coast while hanging out with Benjo.

Day 14: Subterranean Homesick Alien and Brits Snag Third Bracelet - By the end of the second week of the WSOP, everyone is ridden with homesickness. Despite the malaise, another Brit won a bracelet, meanwhile, we decided to pay homage to old school Vegas with a trip downtown to where it all began -- Binion's.

Day 15: Triple ElkY and The Mark is the 22nd Best PLO Player in the World - The French surged during the beginning of the third week of the series. They won three bracelets in a short period of time and ElkY became only the fourth player to win the Triple Crown. Meanwhile, a close friend of the Tao of Poker went deep in a PLO event. Yeah, The Mark fell short of his first WSOP final table.

Day 16: Le Deux; French Snag 2 Bracelets in 24 Hours - The French surge continued with their second bracelet within a 24-hour period.

Day 17: Mike Sexton Heads-Up for Bracelet and Liquidating the Sahara - The Ambassador of Poker, Mike Sexton, went deep in the Stud 8 event, only to have it suspended due to the 10-level rule. Sexton was heads-up when his tournament was halted. Meanwhile, the big liquidation sale at the Sahara kicked off. Jerome and Camille shot a stunning video of that dreary sale day.

Day 18: No Country For Old Men; Barry Greenstein and Mike Sexton Denied Bracelets - Two poker greats came very close to winning bracelets, yet they fell short of the mark. In addition, the Senior's Event kicked off with everyone standing to attention when the Stars and Stripes were played.

Day 19: The Donkenator and Eating Death - Dominating a donkaments are never an easy task. Woever wins that bracelet damn well deserves it. I delve a bit into Milton's Paradise Lost in this recap. Enter at your own risk.

Day 20: The Egregious Case of the $9 Pizza and Stein Shines - It was a matter of time before I went off on an old-fashioned anti-food rant because of the horrendous $9 pizza that the Poker Kitchen tries to pass off as a culinary delight.

Day 21: A Day in the Life; Hellmuth Denied 12th Bracelet (Again) - This is my favorite piece of the summer, mainly because most of the hijinks happened outside the Amazon Ballroom that eventually morphed into my first Memento moment of the WSOP. Anyway, I went on a classic bender at the Gold Coast while Phil Hellmuth went deep once again and tried to win bracelet #12.

Day 22: Slowdown, Rocky Mountain High, and Chau Giang Confirmed Alien - The WSOP caught its breath at the start of the fourth week of play, while I determined that Chau Giang is really an alien.

Day 23: Timex Flashback, Jason Mercier Wins PLO Bracelet, and More Sordid Tales About Chasing the Dragon - I squeezed in a little personal Pai Gow degeneracy in between a recap about Jason Mercier's victory in the PLO event along with a flashback about the origins of Timex.

Day 24: Dwan Song, Revelry, and Hooligans - Whenever Tom "durrrr" Dwan makes a final table, the entire poker world stops to watch. With a few million in prop bets on the line, Dwan's final tables always have an added element of excitement. Alas, it was the Brits who sucked up all of the attention in the Amazon Ballroom as they railed their boy Middy and even drank Jager bombs out of their shoes.

Day 25: Rubber Soul, Electric Daisies, and Two-Tabling Pai Gow - The Electric Daisy Carnival swept through Vegas and a quarter million ravers invaded Sin City. Fabrice Soulier shipped a bracelet and became the third Frenchie to win one in 2011. Ah, and I also engaged in a live session of Pai Gow again and two-tabled it. I'm lucky I didn't get 86'd.

Day 26: The Sickness - If you've spent a significant amount of time in Las Vegas, then you've seen those afflicted with The Sickness. I spoke about some of my experiences with the dreaded disease.

Day 27: Shaking Down Ravers; November Niner Snags Bracelet - I had a situation when I should've rolled a couple of schwasted ravers in the elevator, but I couldn't cross over to the dark side and take advantage of the party people on the last day of the Electric Daisy Carnival.

Day 28: The Glass Onion; Lamb Leads POY - Donkey slayers, Brazilians, and Ben Lamb seizing the top spot in Player of the Year race.

Day 29: Carnival at the Mothership; Akkari Wins Bracelet - I went to cover a final table and a Brazilian soccer match broke out. The Mothership was transformed into a World Cup final when Brazil's native son Andre Akkari advanced to the final table and was heads-up for a bracelet.

"Vamooooooooooooooo!"
Days 30-33: OFF

Day 34: Happy Birthday, America - On the Fourth of July, America celebrated with its annual Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island. Only in America can we boast about binge eating to celebrate our creation and independence from British tyranny.

Day 35: Catching Up - After a brief holiday away from the Vegas grind, it was time to catch up on everything I missed.

Day 36: Don't Stop Believen' - Hellmuth and the 50K hit a hard stop. Grumbles ensued.

Day 37: Another Runner-Up Finish for Hellmuth; Whiffs on Three Flush Draws to Lose Bracelet#12 - Hellmuth had another disappointing evening after he whiffed on three big flush draws only to lose to Brian Rast, who won his second bracelet in 2011.

* * *

2011 Main Event Coverage

Prelude to the Killing Fields - The 2011 Main Event
With a Little Help From My Friends: The Michael Stevens Story by Change100
Day 38- Main Event Day 1A: Dolly's Abyss
Day 39 - Main Event Day 1B: Luck Rack of Lamb
Prope Bets with Remkos and Micros WSOP Episode
Day 40 - Main Event Day 1C: One More Saturday Nite
Day 41 - Main Event Day 1D: Spiderman Big Records, Perma-Bans, and 6,865
Day 42 - Main Event Day 2A: Torturing the One-Eyed Clown, Hellmuth Awakes, and the Euro Surge
Day 43 - Main Event Day 2B: Lamb Lies Down on Broadway
Day 44 - Main Event Day Off; Annie Duke Wins Media Tournament
Day 45 - Main Event Day 3: Poirier and Jace Are Million Men and Tilt-A-Scandi
Day 46 - Main Event Day 4: Soft Bubbles, Zombie Apocalypse, and the Reincarnation of JRB
Day 47 - Main Event Day 5: There Must Be Some Way Out of Here
The Skinny: Day 6
Day 48 - Main Event Day 6: House of the Rising Sun; NOLA's Ryan Lenaghan Leads with 57 Remaining
The Skinny: Day 7
Day 49 - Main Event Day 7: Buy the Ticket, Survive the Ride
2011 November Nine Set

* * *

And here's the Best of Tao of Pokerati... which are some of my favorite episodes of the Tao of Pokerati podcast that Michalski and I recorded from the 2011 WSOP featuring special guests Benjo, Snoopy, KevMath, Remko, and AlCantHang.

Episode 6: Ivey's Lawyer (4:17) - Dan and Pauly chat about the Ivey drama that transformed the opening days of the WSOP into the "World Series of Phil Ivey." Dan also shares some inside info on Ivey's lawyer, renown criminal attorney David Chesnoff.

Episode 7: Sahara Liquidation with Remko and Benjo (6:12) - Benjo and Pauly discussed the Sahara Casino liquidation sale/auction with one of the members of the Dutch press, Remko. Both Remko and Benjo expressed a keen interest in acquiring a slot machine for super cheap, while Pauly has his eyes set on a Pai Gow table. Meanwhile, Benjo and Remko try to figure out how to ship a slot machine from Vegas to France and Holland.

Episode 12: The Tweaker Edition with Benjo (4:02) - Benjo and Pauly hang out at the Gold Coast and watched a tweaker get 86d by security. They later encounter the tweaker in the parking lot, and Benjo asks Pauly for a quick tutorial about the seedy Las Vegas meth scene.

Episode 14: Old School Cheats with Johnny Hughes (6:02) - Pauly sat down and chatted with a special guest -- the legendary Johnny Hughes -- who has been in poker circles for 50+ years. Pauly asks Johnny to share some stories about old school poker cheats and the "fear" of getting caught, which kept a lot of shady characters in line.

Episode 16: Brickless Cash Games Reprise (3:22) - Dan and Pauly recorded a quick follow-up to their previous episode while they hang out on the rail of the high-stakes cash games. They spot Eskimo Clark, "Cowboy", and other broke dicks lingering around seeking handouts from the high rollers.

Episode 17: WSOP Fashion Report with KevMath (5:10) - Pauly chats with KevMath, who is a self-described "fashion expert." The two compare and contrast the different styles of clothing worn by members of the media. KevMath also reveals why he won't wear shorts.

Episode 19: KevMath Keno System with KevMath (6:01) - Pauly and KevMath hang out at the dive bar in a bowling alley at the Gold Coast. KevMath was in the middle of crushing a video Keno game, when Pauly asked him to share a couple of his big secrets to beating the game.

Episode 20: Adieu, Benjo (8:40) with Benjo - After almost a week of speculation and rumors, Benjo confirms that he's leaving Las Vegas and heading home to France. His brief stint at the WSOP is officially over. One chapter ends, and a new one begins. Dr. Pauly, Dan and Benjo hang out in the dive bar inside the bowling alley at Gold Coast to listen to Benjo bid his farewells.

Episode 21: New Dynamic Duo with Snoopy (5:59) - Pauly holds auditions for a new sidekick with only one requirement -- a outrageous accent. Snoopy, a writer from London, nails the audition. In this episode, they discuss modeling their new dynamic duo on the Batman & Robin television series, in addition to re-locating the Bat Cave to England and installing bat poles in the press box.

Episode 23: Brazil's Mothership Invasion with AlCantHang (2:50) - Pauly and AlCantHang are on the rail inside the Mothership watching the heads-up battle between American Nachman "The Landlord" Berlin and Brazil's native son Andre Akkari. Al and Pauly record a quick episode moments after Akkari won a decisive pot to cripple Berlin, and the Brazilians went berserk.

Episode 26: Main Event Begins! (6:34) - The Main Event is upon us and before the cards went in the air, Pauly is hanging out and listening to TD Jack Effel's long-winded introduction and a quick rundown of the rules to all Main Event players. Jack then introduces Texas Dolly to utter the famous phrase, "Shuffle up and deal!"

Episode 27: Almost Famous with Snoopy (3:32) - While players return to their seats after the dinner break, Pauly and Snoopy notice Jason Alexander posing for pictures with fans. Snoopy explains why Seinfeld wasn't a big hit in England and Pauly discovers someone dressed as Snow White in the crowd. Pauly also wonders if Snoopy would ever dress up in a costume for the Main Event.

Episode 29: Media Mania and Golden Toilets with Change100 and AlCantHang (3:08) - Pauly is still in the media event, so Change100 takes the opportunity to chat with AlCantHang. They both busted rather early, especially AlCantHang, who won a dubious honor of being the first player to bust out. His reward? A Golden Toiler trophy for last place.

Episode 33: Two Brits, One Irishman with Snoopy (5:09) - Snoopy gives Pauly the latest British report with three tables remaining in the Main Event. Snoopy clues us in on the two Brits (Sam Holden and JP Kelly) still alive along with Eoghan O'Dea from Ireland. Even though O'Dea is Irish, Snoopy and Brits are still keeping an eye on their "adopted" player.

Episode 36: KevMath WSOP Exit Interview with KevMath (8:50) - Kevin "KevMath" Mathers is officially done with his WSOP assignment, but he stopped by the Rio to watch the action on Day 8. He bumped into Pauly, who sat him down to discuss his favorite moments (and least favorite) during his first ever WSOP. Pauly also quizzes him on any strange "fan" encounters along the way.

Episode 37: Pseudo-Final Table (6:02) - Dan and Pauly are on the rail of the Mothership as action resumes for the pseudo-final table of ten, otherwise known as the November Nine bubble. Plenty of tension in the air because the final table will be set with just one more elimination.

Episode 39: Bruno's New Toy (4:20) - Fun Warren brought a batch of dolls to the WSOP. The dolls, resembling famous poker pros, were custom made in London . He left a couple behind for Pauly and Dan. Pauly got Phil Hellmuth, while Dan seems a little disappointed with Daniel Negreanu. Dan suggests that he'll probably give the Negreanu's doll to his dog Bruno, so Bruno will now have a new play toy.

If you want to listen to more episodes from the 2011 WSOP, visit Tao of Pokerati podcast archives.

* * *
August, September, and October 2011

I took three months off and moved to San Francisco. I only posted 19 times in that stretch. Less is more, eh? Here's a few gems from the hiatus months...

Hot Sauce
A Brief Letter to Full Tilt Poker: Fuck You, Pay Me
Full tilt Ponzi Poker
Rocketman and Welcome to the Ice Palace
The Degen Market
I Didn't Know I Was That Far Gone
Superstitions, Jinxes, and River Rats

* * *
November 2011

I returned to semi-regular poker writing with the November Nine on the agenda and the conclusion of the 2011 WSOP Main Event Championship.

Betting guide to the 2011 November Nine
2011 November Nine - Sunday LIVE Blog
November Nine Down to Three; Germany's Pius Heinz = Chip Leader
2011 WSOP November Nine - Tuesday Live Blog
Pius Heinz Wins 2011 WSOP Main Event

Michalski and I also recorded a few special Tao of Pokerati podcasts....

Tao of Pokerati Podcast - 2011 November Nine Edition
Episode 1: Evolution
Episode 2: Naming Names
Episode 3: Betting on Belize
Episode 4: Non-Silence of the Lambs
Episode 5: Giannetti Lives
Episode 6: Quad Lambs
Episode 7: Poker Hall of Fame Ceremony
Episode 8: First Hand Fireworks
Episode 9: Heads-Up Outfits
Episode 10: The Final Hand
Episode 11: Hooker Bar Farewell

* * *
December 2011

The year ended with the annual blogger gathering to Vegas, which inspired a three-part trip report and as the year ended and I began to reflect on 2011, I sounded off on a few topics.

Four Haikus - Lost Vegas
Ocho - WPBT, Part 1
Ocho - WPBT, Part 2
Ocho - WPBT, Part 3
Zombie Poker Apocalypse
Puppeteers of America

* * *
That's it. The highlights from 2011. I hope you have a happy new year.

And if you like what you read, I encourage you to vote Tao of Poker for Best Poker Blog in Bluff's Readers Choice Awards. Thanks for your support.

Kindle Versions - Lost Vegas and Jack Tripper Stole My Dog

2011-12-25T04:20:00.002-05:00

By Pauly
New York City

Merry Christmas to all of you.

Were you a good boy/girl this year? Or were you a naughty troublemaker? Did Santa Claus stiff you with a pair of socks? Or did he hook you up with a new Kindle Fire? If so, you're in luck because you can support independent writers and fill up your new virtual library in one swoop! The e-book version of Lost Vegas is only a few clicks away...

Click here to buy Lost Vegas for Kindle and iPads.

Click here to buy Lost Vegas for the Nook.

Click here to buy a print copy of Lost Vegas on Amazon.com.

* * * *

And if you're interest in trashy smut, feel free to indulge yourself and pick up the e-book Kindle version of Jack Tripper Stole My Dog.

I recorded a podcast with Change100 when the novel was first published in May 2011. She asked me questions about the origins of Jack Tripper. If you haven't heard it yet, well, here it is via SoundCloud...

JTSMD - Episode 1: The 10-Day Novel by taopauly

* * *
If you like opera or really fond of Carmen, then check out the trailer for JTSMD...

Thanks for your support and cashola. Every book you buy continues to support my habit and dream. The more books you buy, the more incentive I'll have to crank out more cheese-lathered tripe.

Happy Christmas, Festivus, Hanukkah, and Kwanza.

The Puppeteers of America

2011-12-18T16:20:00.001-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

One of my favorite political writers is Matt Taibbi, columnist at Rolling Stone magazine, who also penned a few books such as The Great Derangement, which included an astute observation about politics and Big Business...

"You don't elect politicians to commit crimes; you elect politicians to make your crimes legal." - Matt Taibbi

Black Friday more than put a wrinkle into the lives of American poker players, it decimated the entire online poker landscape. On April 15th, we all discovered that we could no longer play on our favorite online poker sites. Just the day before on April 14th, Americans went about their lives with the ease and comfort knowing their bankrolls were safe in a virtual bank somewhere overseas. We were under the impression that we could exercise our right to gamble... or choose not to gamble... because after all, we're adults protected under the Constitution of the United States. We have the unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Online poker could be one of those, or it could be all three. I know I spent too many hours logged onto a different online poker site bogged down in the pursuit of happiness, only to get sucked out by a one-outer, which sent me on mega-LAGtard-Scandi-tilt.

Online poker was a short-term escape from the harsh reality that we live in corporatocracy. Our nefarious politicians are pwned by oligarchs and plutocrats, all of whom don't give a rat's ass about your personal liberty to engage in any sort of activity (gambling or otherwise) on the internet. If you haven't been paying attention to SOPA or the NDAA, then you should get off your ass and do some research. Uncle Sam and Big Brother are now one in the same while a shadowy cabal of international banksters are pulling the strings.

Remember that scene from The Godfather, after the ailing Don handed over the reigns of the Family to his son, Michael Corleone?

"You are like me," mumbled Don Corleone. "We refuse to be fools, to be puppets dancing on a string pulled by other men."

I'm still trying to figure out why some activities in America are considered a crime and why other things are permitted, but then again most laws these days defy all logic. We're living in a rigged political system that is rotten to the core. Corruption is the grease that keeps the wheels of Big Business churning. Corruption is what re-balances the manipulated scales of justice.

Who were the real culprits behind online poker prohibition in America? After doing some research and "following the money" trail, I pointed fingers in a post titled Black Friday, Vampire Squids, and 1,000 Masturbating Monkeys. Almost eight months later, I continue to search for more concise answers. Sure, we have the names of the unscrupulous politicians leading the witch hunt, but like Don Corleone explained, someone else is tugging at those puppet strings.

Who are the puppeteers?

Why did they cock block us?

What is so terrifying about online poker?

What kind of crimes against humanity did we commit by sitting around in our underwear and playing cards?

How did the simple act of playing online poker become threatening to the Establishment?

I guess the answer to my last question is this: poker players are rebellious in nature and free thinkers. Many of us would not have taken the courageous leap into the virtual waters at online poker sites unless we were strong-willed, determined, and seeking an alternative way to live our lives. Online poker provided income, happiness, purpose and validation instead of following the herd and the Master Plan (college > job > marriage > mortgage > kids > college fund > retirement) that had been beaten into our heads since birth. We were conditioned to conform from the moment we popped out of our mother's womb. We've been corralled into institutions like cattle, stripped of any semblance of individuality, brainwashed into living a life that we think is what we're supposed to do -- obey, consume, reproduce -- all of this without questioning authority and expressing an independent thought. The moment any of us stray from the path, we're ostracized and marginalized, and if that doesn't deter us, then agents of the state (paid by our tax dollars) will beat the shit out of us until we get back in line. And those whom stay on the path and do not upset the herd are thrust into a fabricated world in which the entire point of existence is to...

1. Become obedient cubicle slaves exploited by corporate overlords.

2. Generate tax income for the bloated state.

3. Create profits for the banking cartel in form of debt creation -- credit cards, car loans, school loans, small business loans, mortgages and second mortgages.

4. Buy cheap stuff (Made in China) that we don't need, which proliferates ginormous profits for Big Business.

5. Breed children so a new generation of consumers and debt slaves will continue this maddening cycle.

I was drawn to poker because of its anarchist nature, but since then it's been bastardized both economically and politically. Do you want me to scare the shit out of you? Many pundits vehemently against online poker are convinced online poker sites (and other online gambling sites) launder money for terrorist networks. The National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) was passed the other day, which gives the military the green light to scoop up American citizens and detain us indefinitely as an enemy of the state if we're suspected of having ties to al-Qaeda or any other terrorist groups and anti-American organizations. Say goodbye to "innocent until proven guilty."

"Theory of Poker" translated into Farsi
Under the NDAA, our totalitarian government can demonize anyone, including online poker players, by simply labeling them enemy combatants. Many of you thought not being able to play in the Sunday Million sucked, just wait until the military shows up at your front door, bags a black hood over your head, then whisks you away to Gitmo or some other secret prison, where you're forced to do the naked pyramid with other freshly-detained Jihadists.

What the hell has this country come to? It's poker, for fuck's sake! It's just a card game. A game. An all-American game. Texas Hold'em. The Cadillac of Poker. "It takes seconds to learn and a lifetime to master," according to Mike Sexton, the ubiquitous ambassador to poker, whose name will now pop up on the FBI's Watch List in between Ramadan Abdullah Mohammad Shallah and Husayn Muhammad al-Umari.

Any way you look at it, unsuspecting Americans were squeezed by the government and we all got caught up in this shakedown when the UIGEA passed in 2006. Our last hope is to sway politicians to alter the laws, just like Matt Taibbi said in his famous quote... "You don't elect politicians to commit crimes; you elect politicians to make your crimes legal."

The sobering reality is that all the letters and emails in the world won't change the mind of our licentious elected officials. The poker industry dusted off hundreds of millions in a concentrated effort to lobby Congress, yet those we trusted to get the job done dropped the ball time and time again. We must think outside the box to solve the problem, and resort to drastic measures in order to re-install the freedom to fire up online poker sites once again. It will take a shitload of cash and gold to persuade the immoral muppets in DC to end online poker prohibition. If bribes don't work, then we'll have to call in a favor with the wiseguys. Because all it takes is just one severed, bloody horse's head in the right politician's bed to shape policy in our favor. Then, and only then, will we be able to play online poker again.

While we wait for the proverbial horse's head, the time has come to say farewell to a couple of dear friends. RIP online poker. RIP America.

New "Insider" Column: NFL Week 15 Picks

2011-12-17T14:22:00.001-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

"Hey guys, I got this great stock tip... ever hear of Zynga?"
It's time to pimp my latest column for Wicked Chops Insider. I'm writing about sportsbetting and shared my picks for Week 15 of the NFL season. Just a heads-up, Insider is a paywall site, but gosh darn it... I'm worth it.

Here's the link: Dr. Pauly's Picks - NFL Week 15.

I almost had a perfect Week 14 going 4-1 with my selections. I'm sure I'm gonna jinx myself by saying this, but the "Step into the Teaser" picks have been 3-0 so far this year.

Also, I have to commend F Train on his stellar piece on Insider capturing The Rise and Fall of Ray Bitar. If I were to pick a Top 10 piece for poker writing in 2011, F Train's article would definitely make my list.

Zombie Poker Apocalypse

2011-12-15T16:20:00.004-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

The public's fascination with zombies is rooted in an underlying irony. Hollywood recycles genres every couple of decades or so, including zombie-themed films. In the 1950s and 1960s, movie houses across America featured a plethora of B-flicks including zombie films by Edward Cahn. In the late 1970s, a slew of low budget zombie flicks entered the consciousness, many of which found a second life as home rentals in the 1980s courtesy of the VCR. And now as 2012 approaches, all-things zombie are kitschy again.

Zombieland. World War Z. Walking Dead. 28 Days Later. Zombies. Zombies. Zombies.

Zombies are everywhere and I'm not talking about the lifeless zombies you'll see in Las Vegas hunched over a slot machine, nor am I talking about the Aussie zombies sitting in the dark in Oz grinding away at online pokies. Nope. I'm talking about those rancid, flesh-devouring cannibalistic monsters who hunt down and devour the few remaining humans in a post-apocalyptic world.

Although the zombie genre features the un-dead feasting upon the living, there's a deeper socio-political message embedded in each film -- the real world is cluttered with dead souls corrupted by materialism, sucking out the life force and destroying every iota of individuality. In the parlance of our snarky times, the sheeple are the zombies. For those among us that are enlightened, we must fear the herd because the herd of zombies will eventually trample us, eat us, or infect us with their affliction.

What do zombies love to eat? Brains. Human brains. Highly symbolic if you ask me, because zombies eat brains to eradicate intelligence. The zombies don't think. They just consume. More. And more. And more.

So where's the irony? The sheeple love zombie movies. Zombie movies are subversive movies about sheeple. Therefore, the sheeple are really in love with movies about themselves becoming brainless monsters, yet their collective reality is too distorted to realize what is really happening.

Zombie flicks are hot today, but all of this will change in a couple of years, when the public loses interest in brooding teenage vampires and zombie-strewn dystopia. Eventually the suits in Hollywood will recycle another genre. In the meantime, I shall tolerate zombie flicks and snicker at the absurdity of their popularity, yet I eagerly await the return of erotic, campy women-in-prison flicks and Blaxsploitation films. Seriously, when the hell are they gonna re-make Superfly?

I often wonder if the American public will ever become interested in poker-themed entertainment again? Will poker ever get recycled? Can poker, during online poker prohibition, become a centerpiece of popular culture?

Unless one of the Kardashians starts banging Phil Ivey, I doubt the sheeple will give a damn about poker.

During the gravy years of the glorious poker boom, it was hard to keep up with the over-saturation of poker programming on the boob tube. Even with a thousand cable stations, there still isn't 24-hour poker channel in America. That omission is stunning, but the bean counters in Hollywood only care about the bottom line. And the current bottom line is this... only hardcore poker enthusiasts and degenerate gamblers will watch anything poker-related. Sure, the WSOP on ESPN might attract a small stream of curious non-poker people, but until Americans develop an appetite for more poker programming, we won't see any new shows -- especially since Poker Stars and Full Tilt aren't around to fund new poker-themed entertainment projects.

But, I have a brilliant idea that I revealed to a studio exec during a recent meeting in Burbank. Here's my three second pitch: washed-up celebrities playing poker.

Think about it. Who wouldn't want to see a bloated David Lee Roth check-raise a strung-out Dustin Diamond (aka Screech from Saved By the Bell)? Wouldn't you want to see an angry Vanilla Ice go on mega-tilt after getting sucked out by Gary Coleman?

Here's another mind-blowing pitch... it's a Vegas-based reality show comprised of bankrupt former child stars who live at Panorama Towers and receive daily tutorial sessions by Matt Stout and Tony Dunst. The former child stars compete in a weekly tournament in which the winner gains "immunity" and a free comp to the Bellagio buffet, while the rest of the child stars argue incessantly over which one of them gets kicked out of the Towers. Former Hollyweird child stars in Vegas is 100% pure comedy gold. Think about all the juicy B-roll you can obtain while following them around Sin City... hustling paid appearances on the Strip to take photos with tourists from the Midwest, then blowing their paychecks on an over-priced 8-ball that they scored in the parking lot of Olympic Gardens from a one-eyed pimp named Rummy.

Or better yet, here's one more high-concept pitch... lock up any eight D-list celebs in a penthouse at the Palms, feed them booze, pills, and enough speed to keep the entire state of Wisconsin up for a month... then film the ensuing surreal trainwreck as the schwilly D-listers attempt to play low-stakes PLO. We'll hire Gabe Kaplan and Gary Busey to do the color commentary and have Shana Hiatt conduct side-line interviews with hysterical celebs after they get bitch-slapped by the chick who played Six on Blossom.

Ah, just call me cynical. We're waiting on a ghost train. Poker's gravy train arrived at the turn of the century, then abruptly departed the night before the UIGEA was tacked onto the Port Security Bill. The gravy train, fueled by online poker rooms quest for domination, might never return in my generation, which is why I spend many of my waking hours writing up half-baked pitches so I can justify scoring a free lunch at Mo's with desperate development execs seeking the next big reality show.

Okay, I have one last brilliant pitch... strip poker featuring coked-up 20-something starlets and botox-riddled cougars. Meg Ryan has not cashed a big paycheck in a while and we know Lindsay Lohan is looking for work.

Ocho - WPBT, Part 3

2011-12-12T15:33:00.002-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Several hours after the marathon, I found myself in a late-night jam session at the Monte Carlo poker room. The session musicians included Dr. Chako, Iggy, G-Rob, Otis, Marty, Poker Peaker, Bad Blood, and Drizz.

Here's the setlist...

12/4/11 - Monte Carlo Poker Room, Las Vegas, NV

Set 1: Possum, Nougat Farm > Extra Large Aspirin > Pillow Talk, Danny England Ain't from England, Madras > Marty Ain't Russian > Madras "It's a drink, it's a rug, it's a shirt" Jam > Marty Borrows*, Ziggy Stardust > Iggy's Toothache > Pusherman, Otis Tries to Stand Up^ > Otis Sticks to Beer**, Aces High, Antelope

Encore: Suzy Greenberg > Madras Reprise

* Last time played 12/5/2008
^ Otis solo acoustic
** First time played

I dropped two buy-ins... one each to Otis and G-Rob. Fucking G-Rob would open by sliding a stack of redbirds over the betting line. $100 bet in a 1/3 game? Yep. It was one of those nights when the dealers loved us or hated us. Whenever a new dealer sat down in the box, everyone pre-toked the dealer at least $1, sometimes more. Whenever Otis dragged a pot, he showered the dealer with every white $1 in his newly acquired stack -- which usually amounted to a tip anywhere from $8 to $10. G-Rob convinced another dealer that he not only owned a nougat farm, but that Iggy was actually former NHL stars Zigmund Palffy. To which I said, "Ziggy? He's no Guy LaFleur."

Oh, and we played some poker too. Biggest pot of the night? Three-way all-in on the flop. Set over set against a flush draw. Iggy's set of Aces held up. Drizz doubled him up and Bad Blood was felted. Drizz said that if he had won that monsterpotten, then he would have had enough money for his own private lap dance for a month. I was confused on the math, then again, strippers in Minnesota must be dirt cheap. As my brother aptly said, "Strippers without teeth cost a lot less."

* * *
Las Vegas is a city built on cliches. The biggest cliche of the weekend? Four New Yorkers eating faux-NYC-style pizza in the bowels of City Center.

I knew it was too good to be true, but a leggy model was fixated on me as she walked through Cosmo. As a rule of thumb, any woman that makes eye contact with me after Midnight in Vegas is almost always a working girl or a Mossad agent. She kept starring at me in an extremely uncomfortable manner as she got closer and closer. She passed us, stopped on a dime, and whirled around.

"Where did you get the pizza?" she asked.

My brother pointed at the unidentified hallway across from the pool table. She mumbled "thanks" and sprinted (in high heels) to the secret pizza joint that sold over-priced slices, yet was the closest attempt at NY-style pizza that I devoured in all of Las Vegas. I had heard about the secret pizza place for a few months, but had never visited it mainly because I usually do everything possible to avoid the Strip. April and Mo discovered it earlier in the trip and gave us perfect directions on how to find it. The pizza place with no name. Open til 5am. What more could you ask for?

My brother noted that four New Yorkers were chowing down on slices -- the both of us, FTrain and Timtern. We had become a cliche of cliches. The pizza wasn't even that good, but I was schwilly after a long day and night of gambling and consumption that I was thrilled to find any sort of food substance at City Center that cost under $10.

The worst part of the secret pizza excursion was the art vending machine debacle. I heard about the different vending machines in Cosmo that offered up pieces of artwork for as little as $5. I was a little schwasted when I saw F Train walk up to an old-school cigarette machine that had been refurbished to house the special art. I thought the machine was selling decks of cards with different themes. I saw "abstract oil painting" and thought a fancy deck of cards would make a nice stocking stuffer for the holidays. I pulled a $5 bill out of my pocket and jammed it into the slot. I tugged on the handle, but to my dismay, that style was sold out. I grabbed an adjacent handle -- also of the "abstract" genre -- and I heard a large thud. I reached into the bowels of the machine and pulled out a block of painted wood.

"What the fuck? I just got hustled by a fucking vending machine."

The group did nothing to hide their laughter. I was the consummate Vegas veteran yet I got my ass handed to me. The machines won. Vegas won. Me? I was humiliated beyond belief. I survived seven WSOPs which amounted to seven summers of sheer torture. I wrote a book about the surviving the murky world of the poker industry, yet I could not evade the classic "Las Vegas hustle." So, I stood in the Cosmo with a painted piece of wood as I could hear the entire choir of angels in heaven jeering me. The gambling gods have a unique sense of humor, so much so, that I owe someone a swift kick in the junk.

Hustled again by Vegas. When will I ever learn? Next year, we should move the WPBT to Reno. At least that way if I get hustled again, I could just jump in Lake Tahoe and drown myself.

* * *
Iggy told me about the drunk in the Mickey Mouse costume panhandling on the Strip while drinking liquor from a bottle. The only street people I came across was a busker on the pedestrian bridge connecting Crystals to the Cosmo. I heard a raspy, young female voice singing along to an acoustic guitar. She looked more like a neo-punk rocker than a earthy-crunchy hippie chick, and she wasn't what you'd call... good. But, she sang out of tune and played anyway. After I ate pizza and got hustled by the old "piece-of-painted-wood-in-a-vending-machine" trick, I wanted to return to Aria and drown my sorrows at the sports book bar. I still had a few drink tickets left over. On our way back to the Aria, the same punk girl was sitting on the bridge and butchering a Tom Waits song.

"You should tip her a nug," whispered my girlfriend.

I had some Lemon Kush in my pocket and decided to do the right thing. Pay it forward. I slowly walked in front of her. She had her eyes closed but opened them as soon as she smelled the Lemon Kush.

"Here," I said.

She stopped playing. "Really?"

I nodded, handed her the nug, and continued along my way.

"Ohhhh. Myyyy. Gawd! So fucking awesome! Awesome!"

I heard her saw "awesome" at least four more times as we walked away. She was so stunned by the heady tip that she stopped playing, and thereby, stopped butchering the horrendous cover. Tom Waits would be proud.

* * *
Not everything in life can be summed up in a nifty narrative or setlist. So many inside jokes happened during my time in Vegas that I could write 15,000 words and yet, the situation would be funny for only a few of you. Sometimes some things are just left unsaid. We came. We saw. We conquered. But most of those things aren't fodder for social media and arcane trip reports. My friends would lose their spouses, their houses, their jobs. Dignity? We all checked that at the door as soon as we arrived in Sin City.

With that said, here's a random list of orphaned lines/sentences that missed the cut from the other parts of Ocho - WPBT....

- I spent a good hour talking about refs fixing basketball games with Pokah Dave and Grange95. Grange used to ref high school hoops and shared some perspective on the mentality of the game from the zebra's eyes. It also made me sick to my stomach to think about how many more NBA games were "manipulated" over the years. If you believe that crooked ref Tim Donaghy was an "isolated incident" then there's a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you. Oh, and Dick Bavetta? I'm looking at you pal!

- So if Texas April now lives in California, and California April now lives in Maine, then who lives in Texas?

- Derek hustled G-Rob, Change100, and I at a video version of Greyhound racing. The Monte Carlo had a silly video game in which you could place bets on different virtual dogs. We realized that you didn't have to play the game for a race to go off -- so we decided to bet on each individual race that was comprised of six different dogs. You basically picked a number and shouted it for about thirty seconds before a winning greyhound was determined. That kept us entertained for about thirty minutes before we realized that Derek was winning all of our money. That inspired one of my favorite quotes from the entire weekend: "It's hard to handicap fake dogs."

- My second favorite quote? I don't know who said originally said it (so please let me know, so I can give you proper attribution), but FTrain referenced the gem one late night: "If it's after Midnight in Vegas and you're smoking a cigarette while carrying a baby... then you're definitely white trash."

- This is not a WPBT note, rather a general Vegas observation, but I fucking hate it when I'm trying to grab a cab in front of a casino and a doorman asks me where I'm going. I know he's doing it to trying to hustle a few bucks just in case I'm going to a strip club, but to hell with their intrusive antics. I once pissed off a doorman at the Rio over the summer when he asked me where I was headed. "I'm going to a new club," I said. "It's called None of Your Fucking Business." In the last year or so, I have been lying to the doormen, then correcting the destination to the driver as soon as the door closes. Most Vegas cabbies actually like me more when I tell them what I did. Mr. Funk (@LVCabbieChronicles) would be pleased at how I've been treating nosey doormen. Hey, my destination is an intimate exchange between me and my cabbie. Everyone else can bugger off. And if growing up in NYC taught me anything, you NEVER give the driver your exact destination especially when it's going to a residence. It's always wise to ask to get dropped off a block away or give them an address somewhere nearby. Vegas is so large that it's hard to get them to drop you off a block from a casino or the airport. But even then, I try to give a fake airline. "I'm flying on Blue Star airline. It's near the JetBlue counter."

* * *
My brother published his quarterly post, which happens to be a recap of his WPBT adventures. Derek rarely writes, but his trip report are among my favorites to read. Check out... Holiday Classic Recap: Words With Friends.

And you can also read Part 1 and Part 2 of my series titled Ocho - WPBT. Until next year, I bid you farewell...

Ocho - WPBT, Part 2

2011-12-09T20:08:00.004-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Saturday morning. I sidestepped a German couple at the Aria and felt like the Joe Walsh song Life Is Good. On top of the world. Rested. Catching the first buzz of the day. Itching to gamble. In the previous years, I stayed up way too late raging hard on Friday night and staggered into the tournament on little to no sleep on Saturday at noon. This year I booked a room in the same casino where we played, so all I had to do was walk downstairs. Perfect scenario, especially if/when I busted early I could drop stuff off in my room, check the scores on a few games, then head back downstairs and sweat friends at the final table.

* * *
"I live in hotels, tear out the walls."

I woke up with college basketball on my mind. I placed a few bets on the UK-UNC game, schedule to tip off at Noon EST or at the horrendous 9am hour in Vegas, so I set my alarm in order to get a bet in. The first business of the day featured a quick meeting in front of the sports book. I felt confident with a hot tip from G-Rob.

"I watched every minute of every Kentucky game," explained G-Rob. "I watched every North Carolina game too. Seen every game both teams played. I'm telling you... Kentucky wins, covers, and the score will be low. Bet the under."

G-Rob spoke with the sincerity of a Sunday preacher, yet his assessment on the game seemed like a well-crafted pitch from slick boiler room stockbroker. It's hard to resist G-Rob because of his secret weapon -- perfectly coiffed hair. My brother Derek always suspected he was a member of a CIA black-op mind control project to keep the sheeple under constant hypnosis. With disdainful ignorance, I heeded G-Rob's advice and without hesitation I marched up to the window at the Aria's sports book.

I also tailed a college football pick from the legendary Johnny Detroit and bet Southern Mississippi +13.5 against the Houston Cougars. All of the so-called experts on the boob tube were all over the #6 ranked Cougars. The public was also betting Houston heavily, but the "Wiseguys" syndicate were all over Southern Miss. I trusted their intel and tailed their pick, rather than bet on the same side as the schwill-drinking, booger-eating, "Jersey Shore"-loving dickwads bumping chests in the sports book. Sometimes,you gotta fade the public.

* * *
"They say I'm crazy, but I'm having a good time."

The 8th Annual Winter Classic was hosted at the Aria's poker room for a second year in a row. The staff liked the gang at the WPBT so much (and tolerated all of our peculiar quirks) that they invited us back. Phil Ivey's high-roller's room was idle while we played and he was nowhere to be seen. Otis spotted him in Maccau earlier in the week, but if Ivey is the Ivey I know, he's been holed up in a nosebleed cash game with Chinese oligarchs. For the meantime, the only celebrity in the room was former L.A. Dodger pitcher Orel Hershiser. Ironically, he wouldn't be the only former big leaguer that bloggers would play cash games with someone in our crew.

Jordan pulled a few strings at Pokerist.com and secured a fistful of cash to sweeten the team last longer side bet. Teams were comprised of three players and the best team finish wins the motherload of cash. Change100 and Derek were my teammates on Tao of Fear. I had special hats made for the occasion which incorporated Tao of Fear's grey alien logo. The ETs live among us and have been assimilated for decades. They infiltrated the casino business as robotic-like Pai Gow dealers, surly doormen, and chefs manning omelet stations in the breakfast buffets.

WPBT OCHO - My Starting Table:
Seat 1. (EMPTY)
Seat 2. BrainMC
Seat 3. Lightning36
Seat 4. AGSweep
Seat 5. Mrs. Chako
Seat 6. Falstaff
Seat 7. Kat
Seat 8. Yestbay
Seat 9. YOUR HERO
Seat 10. Jess Welman

The first thing I noticed... the majority of the field was relatively sober. AlCantHang didn't show up at the crack of dawn to force-feed Southern Comfort down the throats of a forty bloggers. In previous years, at least half the field was juiced up from pre-game cocktails or still drunk from a hell-raising bender from the night before trying to keep up with the AlCantHang Experience. Only one or two people had the zombie-like stare that you get when you stayed up all night gambling and lost all of your soul. One of them was Grubby. I was getting ready to crash around 4:30am when Grubby sent me a text wanting to degen it up. I politely declined in order to finish reading A Treatise on Money by John Maynard Keynes. In order to write a report for Tao of Fear, I plotted to crash a hedgefund mangers convention at the Venetian later that week, so I had to brush up on Keynesian economic theory in order to bullshit my way into the door.

Sorry for the tangent. Moving on...

Action progressed slowly for a blogger tournament. Aside from the lack of serious binge drinking, I suspected the field (save the few Cannucks who had access to online poker) was rusty in the wake of Black Friday. It had been almost 8 months since many of us played online poker on a regular basis. Fucking federales.

I had a copy of Gigli with me. I handed out the DVD as a joke during the first WPBT tournament at Sam's Town in 2004. The "Bennifer" movie is so appalling that it's a fitting departing gift for the first one out of the WPBT Winter Classic. Bill Rini took down the first Gigli, and it's become a tradition ever since. Unlike the posh "Hammer" trophy that Iggy spends big bucks to present to the winner, I paid next to nothing for the Gigli DVD. It cost $0.01 on Amazon. Serious. A fucking penny. It cost $3 to ship, though. Therein lies the hustle.

No one busted out in the first two levels. Yestbay came close in the first orbit when his Aces were snapped off by Mrs. Chako's set. He somehow managed not to go broke, but he found himself on life support. Mrs. Chako embarked on a heater and jumped out to an early lead in the opening level. She was a set monster and vacuumed up chips from everyone at my table. I evaded one of her traps when she flopped a set of 7s against my pocket 10s.

Once the third level began, I wondered when someone would bust. We had eight tables with only a couple of "shorties" including Shane Nickerson. That's when PokerVixen wandered over to collect her boobie prize. Even though she was wearing a Micros' "run good" t-shirt, she was jinxed because she had just given up her citizenship to that weird land to the north of us... "Canadia"... where its citizens interject the letter "u" into random words and also attempts to pass off "ham" as bacon.

I took out Yestbay and collected one of my favorite bounties to date -- a YES greatest hits CD. I was always above average, but I misplayed a couple of hands. I blame Jess Welman's radiance for my live "misclicks." I exposed my hand twice when action was still going. One time it cost me a chance to double up against Jess. And the other? It didn't matter because I ran into a cooler.

OhCaptain moved to my table after Yestbay busted. I only sat with him for a few hands before I got involved in a hand that marked my demise. Kat open-shoved. OhCaptain raised all-in. I had both him and Kat covered and I called with Kings. I think Kat held A-Q, but OhCaptain tabled Aces. Fuck me. Kings into Aces. Crippled. Two hands later I moved all in with 8d-7d. Jess Welman busted me and won my bounty -- an autographed copy of Jack Tripper Stole My Dog.

The funniest moment of the tournament occurred after a Grubby moved to our table. He had pounded Kettle and cranberry drinks for a few levels and was a little tipsy when he got to our table. On his elimination hand, he got it all-in against Jess. She busted him and Grubby stumbled over to shake her hand.

"Where's my bounty?" he blurted out.

A perplexed Jess smirked. "Wait, a second," she hollered, "where the heck is MY bounty?"

It took a few seconds before Grubby noticed his error. He apologized and said he had forgotten his bounty in his hotel room that he hadn't seen in days because he had been up for a couple of days chasing the progressive jackpot on Rockin' Olives slots at the Bellagio.

I was the first member of Tao of Fear to bust, but Derek and Change100 were knocked out in the next level. Our team was dunzo. At that point, I went to the bar and grabbed some grub before returning to the final table to sweat the action. I had just missed AlCantHang and Otis' elimination hands. With three to go, it was down to Timtern, Melissa Hayden, and quiet random guy that we later found out was Chilly's friend from St. Louis who had never played a live poker tournament before. Figures. Murphy's Law, right?

Timtern busted in third place and Melissa was heads-up against the random guy. She took him down to win the WPBT Winter Classic, and more importantly the trophy. She didn't really care about the money; rather, she really really wanted the trophy. Congrats!

* * *
"I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime."

After eight hours in the poker room followed up by an hour or so at the bar drinking overpriced beers, the time hath come to go slumming at the Imperial Palace. The IP used to be home base, but we opted to spend a few extra bucks and stay at the Aria this year and not worry about contracting Legionnaires Disease.

"It smells like socks and hairspray in there," said Joe Speaker as he took a long drag off a cigarette. He stood outside getting some fresh air because the IP was its usual zoo for a Saturday night. Dealertainers that were bad dopplegangers for Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift belted out popular songs. Bloggers milled around the pits and rubbed elbows with Budweiser slurping cowboys, hipsters dressed like cowboys, and meth-addled hookers dressed like David Bowie. AlCantHang held court at the Geisha Bar and kept the tab running. I stood around for about an hour saying nothing but just watching people, mostly of the Whiskey Tang variety. You learn a lot about humanity on a Saturday night in Vegas. You don't wander inside the IP unless you're looking for a cheap thrill. Hunter said it... buy a ticket, take the ride.

The IP was as low-brow as you can go for the Strip. The simplicity of the cheap thrill irked me. Maybe it was the putrid odor? JoeSpeaker was right. The IP reeked of sweaty socks and hairspray.

I bailed as soon as came to my senses. Playing heads-up middle-stakes Pai Gow at the swanky Aria seemed a thousand times more appealing. I didn't care if they the pit boss sent out a dealer who was a bot or alien. I just wanted to flee the IP before the rash on my forearm spread to other parts of my body.

"It's hard to leave when you can't find the door."

I gazed out the window of our 34th floor hotel room. The Palms was visible in the near distance.

"That's where Otis and Jose Canseco are," muttered Derek. He referenced the insane cash game that a few of the G-Vegas boys found themselves playing against Jose Canseco. The word "worst player" was a popular phrase used to describe the former baseball player. I only wished I jumped in a cab to the Palms instead of trying to go slumming with cowboys and hookers at the IP. I missed my opportunity at free money and lost a shot at padding my bankroll with steroid-induced Canseco bucks.

Sunday morning. A new day. I had finally gotten back on track at the sports book after a profitable Saturday. Kentucky only won by one and failed to cover 6, but I won the rest of my bets, including So. Miss upsetting Houston to win outright and cover. After a dismal start to the trip, I finish Saturday with a decent profit. I was pumped to make some more bets and hit up the sports book first thing on Sunday morning. The lines were already wrapped around the wall. I got word that the Wiseguys were betting Carolina big all over town. Carolina, led by Cam Newtown, was originally a 2.5-point underdog but once word got out that Tampa Bay's QB Josh Freeman was sitting out, the line jumped to Carolina -1.5. I bet Carolina along with New Orleans, the Jets, the Pats, and Atlanta. I had a few other teasers, but those were not as important as my monstrous bet on the Pats laying 20.5 against the winless Indianapolis Colts. When I showed F Train the ticket, he shook his head then pointed at his crotch and uttered, "Huevos."

"Si. Mucho grande huevos."

The rest of my friends thought I was crazy. Crazy? Maybe. Stupid? Definitely. Last year, I told Dawn Summers to bet her final table winnings on the Pats. She didn't listen to me and missed a chance to turn $1,500 into $3,000. This year, I was riding the Pats again. My blind faith in Tom Brady and Bill Bellichek became my downfall. I'll spare you the bad beat story, but New England had the game covered going into the 4th quarter before all hell broke loose and they blew a three touchdown lead. I lost my big bet and was scrambling the rest of the day to try to get unstuck. I whiffed on Atlanta and lost an impulse bet on the Cowboys. The Jets won and when I cashed that ticket, I let it ride on the Saints. I doubled down on the Sunday Night Football game hoping it would help cover the day's losses.

We watched the game inside the Skybox sports bar adjacent to the sports book. The staff had no clue what to expect from our group which bum rushed them as soon as the doors opened. I greased the staff and the found us a nice spot in the corner. Jordan secured $1,000 from Pokerist to fund the Sunday debauchery. $1,000 lasted just under an hour before we had to start paying for stuff by ourselves.

The highlight of the day was the intricate cake that Pokerist surprised us with. The cake cost $500 and took up the entire table. Classy. The cake tasted good and it was the only thing I actually enjoyed on Sunday while sweating the games. Losing the big Pats bet put me in a bad mood and nearly killed my spirit. The cake helped me rally and I was ready for the next item on our agenda... the half-marathon.

* * *
"Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through."

The plan was simple... sweat the first half of the SNF game at Mandalay Bay, then cheer on our friends at the finish line of the half-marathon. It didn't occur to me the logistical nightmare of hosting a 44,000 person race. Mandalay Bay was packed but sort of looked like a refugee center. Friends and family of the runners were scattered throughout the casino as they tried to stay warm.

Heather and April found a spot in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd near the front of Mandalay Bay. About 15-20 of us stood and watched random runners jog by us. Derek hung over the rail and smoked a cigarette, while StB pounded a beer. It would have been a perfect spot to burn down a doobie, but there was an undercover police car nearby.

In order to keep warm, I blurted out random things to runners as they passed us. I can't recall most of what I said, but all I know was that by that point of the night, I was roasted, faded, and drunk. Grange95 had a few pops in him and he kept the chatter lighthearted. The guy in the Borat costume passed us and all he wore was a green thong. Many other runners took the opportunity to don superhero costumes, wear pink tutus, and dress up like Elvis (or is it Elvi?).

Mrs. Otis posted Otis' split times on facebook. We got word he was a couple of miles away. I told everyone it was a perfect time to practice our chant, so we belted out "O-tis! O-tis! O-tis!" We were loud and in tune. All we had to do was wait.

I spotted Poker Peaker whizzing by. At first I didn't think it was him until I recognized the Colorado flag symbol on his running shirt. He posted the fastest time out of the group. Bad Blood flew by us not much longer and barely looked like he had broken a sweat. We wondered about Chako, Mattazuma, G-Rob, Curtis, and of course Otis.

We almost missed Otis. I knew he was wearing a green fluorescent shirt and we had an approximate time he'd be near us, but that was it. Luckily, he came to us when he spotted Grange or Drizz's head on the rail. He snuck up on us with a flyby and we hesitated a few seconds before everyone belted out the chant.

"O-tis! O-tis! O-tis! Oooo-tis!"

He ran for a few seconds than thrust his arms in the air forming a fluorescent green V. It's something I'll never forget. The V. Otis had been through hell the previous week, yet that did not deter him from completing a task he set out to do. After 13 exhausting miles, he neared the finish line -- something both tangible and personal. His resplendent V piercing through the dark, freezing night is one of the most inspiring symbols I had ever seen in Las Vegas.

"Life's been good to me so far."

To be continued...

Ocho - WPBT, Part 1

2011-12-08T16:20:00.004-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Eight?

It's hard to believe we've been emissaries for eight years. The WPBT's annual Winter Gathering thrives even in the wake of online poker prohibition. Black Friday did not deter an eclectic group of a hundred or so people from descending upon Las Vegas for a weekend of lurid debauchery.

The WPBT began as a bad inside joke like a half-baked Saturday Night Live sketch that morphed into a global phenomena and yearly pilgrimage. In his next book, Malcolm Gladwell should write about the compelling story of how an innocuous weekend in Las Vegas became a sanctuary for an unusual group of people, which originated from a couple of potheads from the Bronx and two cynical brothers from Michigan. For as long as I can remember, I flew from NYC to Las Vegas twice a year with my brother to occupy the sportsbook for a couple of days (March Madness in the Spring and another sojourn at the end of the year to bet on football). Our trip in 2004 was enticing to our friends, BG and Bobby Bracelet (back before he was even given the "Bracelet" moniker by my brother), and they instantly joined in the fun. Once the peanut gallery found out, the trip ballooned to over 30 poker enthusiasts.

When I (loosely) organized the first Winter Classic with the Poker Prof, we thought it was going to be just a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet virtual friends, many of whom we had never met before. The first trip was a whim for many of the participants involved, yet the first gathering spawned a yearly pilgrimage. The group grew. Fast. Infectious. Huge. Then things got out of control as it became a flash mob of several hundred, inebriated degenerates clashing with cowboys on the Strip.

Eight years later, the weekend still exists which is a testament to the people involved. The original weekend in 2004 was never about online poker, gambling or a pissing match -- rather it was a whimsical leap of faith in an attempt to nurture a sincere, yet genuine connection that we all made through the virtual world with online poker as our portal. Many of us originally booked their flights because we were seeking out a shared visceral experience in Sin City. The rest is history.

The inaugural WPBT gathering occurred right smack in the middle of the glorious poker boom during the halcyon days of "blogs" before Facebook and Twitter hijacked the social media cloud. From the outset, we were a rag-tag bunch of geeky writers and online poker addicts, which is why the Big Business vultures were circling around our gatherings. They dispatched savvy marketing agents and seized the weekend as an opportunity to bribe the poker blogging community. Any publicity is publicity. Simply put, the slithery tentacles of the poker industry octopus would hand out free shit with hopes that we'd write about it (and link it up) on our blogs. Fair enough.

Everyone loves two things: kittens and free shit. Alas, handing out furry adorable felines inside a poker room seems a little weird, even by Vegas standards, but the rest of the free stuff was welcomed. Over the last eight years, major online poker rooms competed with each other to get the attention of the WPBT. Some marketing ploys succeeded. Some definitely missed. Some of the online rooms outright exploited us. Maybe it wasn't a fair deal for everyone involved, but in the end we all had a good time and acquired some free shit. Let's not forget the last-longer pots were sweetened and the liquored flowed, while the industry unloaded tons of free trinkets (made in China, of course) like decks of playing cards, card cappers, t-shirts, and hats.

The annual weekend had become an orgy of consumption, yet this year took a slightly healthier bent when a small group of friends decided they wanted to run the Las Vegas half-marathon. If you haven't heard, the race was plagued with logistical issues and it's remarkable that everyone finished despite the clusterfuck. Regardless, the race was the perfect example of the quirkiness of our group -- from the runners in the half-marathon to the bunch of us screaming like banshees near the finish line.

Ocho.

We've done this eight times. Nothing can top the first one, but the eighth one will always stand out.

* * *
I arrived Friday and was already stuck. I asked StB to put a bet down on a college basketball game on Thursday. It lost. Even though the game was not on TV (nor could I find it online), I was sweating the score via my CrackBerry while seeing the film J. Edgar with Change100 at a theatre around the corner from our apartment in San Francisco. The movie was so boring that I refreshed the score every few minutes. I didn't even get to the airport and I was already down. That was an ominous sign that the gambling gods were going to fuck with me all weekend.

I departed San Francisco on Friday morning and ran into Katitude at the airport, which was odd because she's Canadian and supposed to be flying from Toronto to Vegas, yet she had a random layover in SFO. Even more weird? She was on my same flight. SFO > LAS.

I checked into Aria and had a Jerry Seinfeld moment at the front desk because of the reservation snafu. I found paid StB slamming Widmer at the bar in front of the sportsbook and I paid my debt. We went inside and studied the lines for upcoming games. I scanned the different screens back and forth when my brother piped up, "What the fuck is Lingerie Football?"

StB checked his iPhone and discovered the Lingerie League was a legit league with 12 teams of women playing football in pads and... lingerie. It's the kind of sports entertainment that strikes an angry nerve with feminists and even makes sport purists squirm. Even with a competitive angle, Lingerie Football is classic Americana Whiskey Tango Entertainment. Heck, it's nearly soft core porn which is why it only appeared on PPV. Even if we bet on the game, we couldn't watch it. What's the point to betting on something you can't watch? You have no sweat equity.

Fantasy versus the Crush. The Fantasy were the favorite and laying 8.5 points. I had no clue if that was good, or not. I couldn't even tell you the cities the teams were from. In case you were wondering -- Cleveland and Orlando. But which one was the Fantasy?

We bet on it anyway. Our first impulsive degen moment of the weekend. Five minutes before kickoff, we stood in front of the sportsbook and pooled our money -- Derek, Chilly, Iggy, StB, Maudie and myself. StB walked up to the window. My only regret was that we didn't bet more.

StB sprinted to the window and tried to joke around with a humorless woman in a Jim Kelly Buffalo Bill's jersey. She took our bet on the Limgerie Football game, but didn't care for our shtick. Too bad she wasn't working when we cashed our winning ticket, because StB would've rubbed it in. Bad.

Our career as a Lingerie Football betting syndicate was short-lived. No other games were scheduled while we were in town, so we'd have to disband the group indefinitely. At least we turned a profit. In fact, Lingerie Football was the only bet I'd win on Thursday or Friday. I was mired in a slump after whiffing on a college hoops game (I tried to fade the Ivy League and took Loyola Marymount -9 against Columbia) and a college football game. In a Six Degrees of Separation moment, Chilly randomly mentioned that he knew the head coach of the team I had bet on.

"What the fuck, Chilly? Why didn't you tell me? Send him a text and tell him he better score lots of points."

Around Midnight, Chilly hustled me in a prop bet -- how many of his toes were painted with nail polish? He gave me 7-1 odds and I instantly bombarded him with questions. After I extracted some answers, I barked out: three. I was wrong as he took off his shoes and socks to settle the bet, much to the delight of the eye in the sky. Chilly revealed his toes, which normally would horrify most sane people, yet the Friday night crowd was distracted with the edifice of Elvis -- a bust near the entrance to Viva Elvis, his new Cirque du Soleil show. A steady flow of tourists stopped in front of the bust all night and snapped photos with the bronzed statue of Elvis' head. A pack of soused cougars took turns molesting and making out with the head, but that all that sexual frisson overshadowed a semi-circle of shit-faced degens standing around Chilly as he wiggled his toes.

Whenever someone new showed up at the bar, Chilly attempted to run the same hustle. We didn't get busted so I suspect whoever was watching the eye in the sky was a foot fetishist and/or had a thing for portly bald guys.

To be continued...

Four Haikus: Lost Vegas

2011-12-07T04:20:00.005-05:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Photo by Flipchip

Four Haikus - Lost Vegas

Stale cigarette smoke
Boulevard of broken dreams
Cowboys shooting dice

Wafting puke odor
Bright lights of white trash city
Cheap liquor cheap thrills

Porn slappers on post
Hustling cocaine-eyed strippers
Hooker or a ho?

Cougars and hipsters
Desperate degradation
Vast cesspool of filth

New "Insider" Column: NFL Week 13 Picks

2011-12-01T16:20:00.000-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

I wrote another column for Wicked Chops Insider. The topic? NFL and sports betting. I'm divulging my Week 13 NFL picks including a tip I got from a chicken in Chinatown. Yes, a chicken.

I'm also putting my money where my mouth is and betting my picks in Las Vegas this weekend. Yep, I'm heading to Vegas this weekend for the 8th annual Holiday Classic otherwise known as the #WPBT -- a gathering of poker bloggers that spawned out of an annual trip to Vegas with my brother. I'm surprised that the group is still going strong, but then again, I'm not because that's a testament to the cool people involved that I've met over the last eight years. Sure, blogs have become dinosaurs in the nebulous social media universe and we can't play online poker together anymore, but that is not going to deter 50 or so people from converging on Sin City for a weekend of debauchery. Man, eight years? Has it been that long? It's been a wild ride for sure.

Jack Tripper Stole My Dog - The Podcast and Trailer

2011-11-30T16:20:00.000-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Six months ago I recorded a podcast with my girlfriend and the lovely Change100 asked me questions about the origins of my first novel -- Jack Tripper Stole My Dog. I recently re-uploaded the original podcast to Sound Cloud. If you haven't heard the five minute podcast yet, well, here it is...

Jack Tripper Stole My Dog - Podcast Episode 1: The 10-Day Novel by taopauly

* * * *
If you haven't seen the trailer, here it is...

Jack Tripper Stole My Dog would be a great stocking stuffer. The novel and even a Kindle version are both available on Amazon.com.

No Mas Turkey Cup

2011-11-24T16:20:00.000-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Circa 1979
Turkey Cup is nevermore. The annual online tournament that I hosted every Thanksgiving will not happen this year as a result of Black Friday. If you were looking to get you're online poker fix, it's not going to happen. Blame the DOJ and the corrupt puppets in DC, who thrust this confusing situation upon poker-loving Americans.

It really pains me that we're not going to have Turkey Cup this year. The mighty contest spawned out of a tradition that I created with my brother. I taught him how to play hold'em one snowy Thanksgiving shortly after 9/11. We played heads-up in his apartment and he quickly picked up the nuances of the game.

When I joined the traveling circus and hit the road with the tournament circuit, I found myself spending less and less time in NYC and away from my brother and family. After I re-located to the West Coast, I wanted to keep the tradition of post-turkey poker. Luckily, PokerStars helped fill the void with a private tournament. Hence, Turkey Cup was born. The tournament grew in popularity, not just among Canadian and British friends, but among friends and readers whom were stuck/trapped in family situations and snuck away for an hour or so to donk it up with the rest of us.

Yeah, it saddens me that I won't be firing up PokerStars tonight to play poker with my brother and friends. I'm hopeful that we'll be able to play again next year on a new site -- pending legislation. Until that day comes when Big Brother allows us to play online poker... the Turkey Cup is on perpetual hiatus.

New "Insider" Column: NFL Week 11 Picks

2011-11-17T14:22:00.000-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

It's a dawn of a new age. I'm now a contributor to Wicked Chops Insider and will be providing weekly picks in NFL games for the rest of the season.

Check out my Week 11 NFL picks for what teams I'm backing on Sunday, and it also includes my pick for tonight's Thursday Night Football match up between the NY Jets and the Denver Broncos.

Just a heads-up... if you didn't know, Wicked Chops Insider is a paywall site and you're going to have to sign-up for a monthly or yearly membership if you want to see my picks and gain access to all of Insider content.

For a mere $25 (annual) investment, signing up for Insider is a sweet deal to gain privy access to long-form articles on various topics in the poker world and gaming industry. Toss in my football picks, and you're getting tremendous value. You'll know in a couple of weeks whether I know my shit, or if I'm a mush. Either way, you'll know if you should tail my picks, or fade them!

Click here to register for an Insider account.

And you can catch a sneak preview of my first column... Pauly's Picks: NFL Week 11.

Good luck. Godspeed.

Tales of Online Poker Exiles

2011-11-12T15:07:00.011-05:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

In May of this year, less than a month after the events of Black Friday, I considered moving to Vancouver with my girlfriend. She wanted to play online poker to pay the bills and I desperately wanted an account at Pinnacle sports book. We never pulled the trigger and after the WSOP, we ended up in San Francisco instead. Alas, every few weeks, we entertain the thought of moving abroad especially as our country plunges deeper and deeper into insanity.

Shaniac took the necessary steps to become an online poker exile and he left the comfort of sun-drenched Southern California and begrudgingly relocated in Vancouver, Canada. After a stint north of the border, he shipped a WCOOP event, then he headed south, waaaaaay south, and eventually settled into a routine in Rosarito Beach, Mexico.

Read about Shaniac's experiences in a three-parter...

Eastbound and Down Part 1: Hello/Goodbye, Canada
Eastbound and Down Part 2: No Place Like Home
Eastbound and Down Part 3: The Second Coming

Also read this post from Marty, a 20-something online grinder currently in exile in Mexico offering his perspective on things... Self-Assessment.

And lastly, check out what Matt Stout had to say about his sojourn to Costa Rica... Was Costa Rica the Right Move?

The trio of Shaniac, Stout, and Marty independently took matters into their own hands to pursue their passion and careers. It's obvious that each incurred a hidden cost, and I'm not talking about a "gringo tax" either, but rather an emotional/psychological hurdle that each were faced with. I encourage you to read their stories, especially if you're considering leaving the good ole US of A to join a community of online poker playing ex-pats.

* * *
In early 2010, after I completed Lost Vegas, a friend asked me what subject I was going to write about next. The War on Drugs was a topic that rattled around my brain since I was a little kid and watched then First Lady Nancy Reagan appear on Diff'rent Strokes to spread her anti-drug propaganda campaign -- "Just say No."

My creative mind always wandered south and I became fascinated with the effects of the drug war on the other side of the border. I wrote a thin outline of a book about the Mexican Drug War, but knew I had to re-locate to Mexico to write about it. I'm an all or nothing kind of person, which spills over into my writing. If I was going to write about the drug war, I wanted to see the horrors with my own eyes. Friends from El Paso warned me that I was muy loco.

"They kill journalists in Juarez," warned one friend, "And you don't want to know what they do to gringos."

I never followed through on my book proposal because I'm too much of a pussy and didn't want to get my head cut off by Los Zetas. Besides, I can't set foot for one minute in Central or South America without being accused of working with the CIA, so it's better off that I focus northward -- Canada and massive marijuana farms -- for material on the War on Drugs instead of the atrocities of the cocaine wars in chaotic/lawless towns all along the US/Mexican border.

Anyway, sorry for the tangent. There's certainly a great book out there that should be written about American online poker exiles. I hope Shaniac is the guy who writes it.

Pius Heinz Wins 2011 WSOP Main Event

2011-11-09T03:33:00.006-05:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

It's over. Shortly after Midnight, Pius Heinz became the first world champion from Germany. The 22-year old from Cologne faded a field of 6,865 players and won $8.7 million. Heinz stormed back from more than a 3-1 deficit in an epic six-hour long heads-up battle against Martin Staszko, in which the lead changed hands almost a dozen times. For his runner-up performance, Staszko will take $5.4 million back home to the Czech Republic. American Ben Lamb finished in third place after busting out on the fourth hand of the day. The 2011 Player of the Year collected over $4 million for his third place finish.

2011 WSOP November Nine Final Table Results:
1st - Pius Heinz (Germany) - $8,711,956
2nd - Martin Staszko (Czech Republic)- $5,430,928
3rd - Ben Lamb (USA) - $4,019,635
4th - Matt Giannetti (USA) - $3,011,661
5th - Phil Collins (USA) - $2,268,909
6th - Eoghan O'Dea (Ireland) - $1,720,396
7th - Badih “Bob” Bounahra (Belize) - $1,313,851
8th - Anton Makiievskyi (Lithuania) - $1,009,910
9th - Sam Holden (U.K.) - $782,115

For a recap of the action check out the Tao of Poker live blog for Sunday's November Nine action (from 9 to 3 players) and Tuesday's action (3 to a champion).

* * *
And here's the final episode of the Tao of Pokerati podcast...

Episode 11: Hooker Bar Farewell - It's the final episode of the WSOP. Pauly and Dan continue the tradition with a one last episode recorded at the infamous Hooker Bar.

Nov. Nine - WSOP Hooker Bar Farewell by taopokerati

2011 WSOP November Nine - Tuesday Live Blog

2011-11-08T17:10:00.052-05:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

This is the moment you've been waiting for -- the conclusion of the November Nine. Who will become the next big swinging dick in the poker world? Tonight (or if it runs late, early tomorrow morning) the next WSOP Main Event champion will be declared. Just in case you're tuning in for the first time, we're down to three players. In previous years, the final table was stopped when two players remained but this year things are a little different with three players in the hunt for a bracelet, the world championship, and $8.7M in cash (for the two Europeans in the mix, that's roughly €6.3M.)

The WSOP Main Event bracelet
Here's some quick stats:

2011 Main Event Entrants: 6,865
Payouts: 693
First Place: $8,711,956
Prize Pool: $64,531,000

November Nine - Final Three Chip Counts:
Pius Hienz (Cologne, Germany) - 107.8M
Ben Lamb (Las Vegas, NV) - 55.4M
Martin Staszko (Trinec, Czech Republic) - 42.7M

November Nine Final Table Payouts and Results:
1st - ? - $8,711,956
2nd - ?? - $5,430,928
3rd - ??? - $4,019,635
4th - Matt Giannetti - $3,011,661
5th - Phil Collins - $2,268,909
6th - Eoghan O'Dea - $1,720,396
7th - Badih "Bob" Bounahra - $1,313,851
8th - Anton Makiievskyi - $1,009,910
9th - Sam Holden - $782,115

The last few Main Event champions have been 20-somethings -- Jon Duhamel, Joe Cada, and Peter Eastgate -- all of whom were groomed courtesy of online poker. Two out of three remaining players are 20-something (Pius Heinz is 22 and Ben Lamb is 26), while the "old guy" at the table is Martin Staszko at 35 years old.

Lamb already won WSOP Player of the Year honors and after a sensational run-good at the WSOP, and as long as he doesn't have any horrendous life leaks, he'll become a mainstay on the circuit.

Meanwhile, for the two Euros... Pius Heinz is striving to become the first-ever German world champion, and Martin Staszko is attempting to become the first-ever bracelet winner from the Czech Republic. If he wins, he'll be thrust into the upper echelons of "world famous Czechs" along with one of my favorite authors Milan Kundera, hockey pros Jaromir Jagr and goalie extraordinaire Dominik Hasek, tennis greats Ivan Lendl and Martina Navratilova, and film director Milos Forman (he won an Oscar for One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest).

The conclusion of the November Nine will be aired on ESPN at 9pm ET (or 6pm Vegas time). The broadcast will be on a fifteen minute delay, but you'll be able to see the hole cards. I'll be providing a live blog here on Tao of Poker along with random tweets from inside the Penn & Teller Theatre. Follow @taopauly if you wish. Oh, and Michalski and I will be recording a few podcasts along the way, which I'll post as the day/evening progresses.

Stay tuned...

* * *

4:05pm... 2011 Poker Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony

The Poker Hall of Fame ceremony will include the inductions of Linda Johnson and Barry Greenstein. I'm one of the Hall of Fame voters and I voted for both. Their storied careers in additions to their contributions off the felt made them obvious choices for this year's class.

Linda will become only the second female to gain entrance into the hall (Barbara Enright, the only female to make a Main Event final table is the other).

* * *
4:25pm... Mike Sexton Introduces Linda Johnson

Ty Stewart kicked off the HOF ceremony. He made a joke about being old enough to be Pius Heinz's father. He handed off the mic to Sexton, who was supposed to introduce Linda Johnson.

They had a technical malfunction and the mic emitted a weird hum. It's the same kind of sound MP's blast at Gitmo to torture Jihadists. Once the tech issue was corrected, Sexton gave an eloquent speech on why Linda Johnson deserved a nod.

Here's some notes....

- Sexton revealed that Linda was the first online poker affiliate for Party Poker.

- Sexton cracked up a couple of time. Kinda touching.

- "Everyone in poker owes Linda debt of gratitude," said Sexton.

- Linda mentioned that most people thought she was a dealer when she said she was a poker pro.

- Linda said that there were no tournament clocks -- the TD wore a kitchen timer on his lapel.

- Some quotes: "I gotten so much more than I've given"... and... "Poker taught me to have a sense of humor."

* * *
4:50pm... Doyle Brunson Introduces Barry Greenstein

Texas Dolly gave a quick, but powerful speech. He mentioned that Barry might have won the most out of all of them in high stakes cash games.

- Upon his arrival to the Las Vegas poker scene... "He became a force immediately."

- "He's the man who never runs it twice," said Brunson.

- Barry wasn't wearing a tie. I don't think I've ever seen him in one. It would just look weird.

- "As a poker player, I'm not accustomed to having things handed to me."

- Barry mentioned that he was excited about the HOF nod because he saw what happened to Erik Seidel after he was inducted last year. "I'm looking forward to some of that Hall of Fame run good."

- Barry suggested some changes specifically about "playing for high stakes" and "no mention of tournaments in criteria."

- Barry took a well-deserved shot at an inept Congress, who have been bumbling about online poker. He also felt that young players should stay in college and earn their degree before entering the poker world.

- "Another neglected group are foreign players," said Barry, who was stumping for European pros like Thor Hansen and Chris Bjorn. He also mentioned foreign-born pros such as Chau Giang and Freddy Deeb should not be overlooked. He also gave a shout-out to Eric Drache.

- Barry cracked up when he wanted to show appreciation to his partner Alexandra.

- "No matter how long you play poker, you keep learning and modifying your game."

- Barry said his father watched him host a poker game in his basement when he was 13. His old man told him he played too many hands and needed to fold more. "apparently, I folded enough hands to make it into the Hall of Fame."

* * *
5:30pm... New Tao of Pokerati Episode - Hall of Fame Ceremony

Episode 7: 2011 Hall of Fame Ceremony - Dan and Pauly chat about the 2011 Poker Hall of Fame induction ceremony honoring the new class -- Lind Johnson and Barry Greenstein. They also revealed who exactly was on their ballots.

Nov. Nine - Poker Hall of Fame Ceremony (Ep 7) by taopokerati

* * *
5:40pm... Hallway Signs and the Dancing Lamb

I popped into the hallway in the break time before the action for the final three started. A slew of Germans congregated in the hallway. They had better signs than Sunday including one that said "Pius, will you marry me?" And another sign about "Percs." I have no fucking clue what than means in German, but Percs is slang for Percosett. Shit... I gotta party with the Germans tonight, regardless of how Pius finishes up.

And then back inside the theatre, the sound system kicked on and it sounded like Personal Jesus was played. Five flashdancers took the stage and went into their routine. The guy in the lamb suit rushed over and joined the dancers. The crowd went ape shit and cheered him on. One of the dancers was not thrilled with the lamb fucking up their routine, so she gave him a nice shove. Ty Stewart rushed over and yanked the lamb off the stage. It was one of those surreal things that you only see at the WSOP.

* * *
5:50pm... Bruce Buffer's Introductions

Bruce Buffer announced the final three players. I liked how he pronounced Martin Satszko's name... Staaaaa-zzzzzz-kooooo. The largest reaction happened when he uttered Ben lamb's name. The crowd is mostly filled with Ben Lamb supporters, sporting green t-shirts.

"It's time!" screamed Buffer as he completed "Shuffle up and deal" honors.

* * *
5:52pm... Cards in the Air

We're still on level 40. Blinds are 600K/1.2M with a 200K ante.

* * *
5:55pm... First Hand; Lamb Crippled by Staszko

All in pre-flop on the first hand. Ben Lamb was racing with Kh-Jd against Martin Staszko's 7h-7s. The board ran out 10h-9s-2d-3s-10c. Lamb's fans were silenced and he was crippled to under 13M. Martin jumped up to almost 85M.

* * *
5:59pm... New Tao of Pokerai Podcast - First Hand Fireworks

Episode 8: First Hand Fireworks - Dan and Pauly had just settled in to watch the final three when they witnessed fireworks on the first hand. Ben Lamb attempted to knock out Martin Staszko, but was crippled when he lost his race.

Tao of Pokerati: First Hand Fireworks FTW? by Pokerati

* * *
6:10pm... Ben Lamb Eliminated in 3rd Place ($4,019,635)

Pius Heinz and Ben Lamb
It didn't take long before Ben Lamb made a stand with his short stack. He got it all-in with Qs-6h, hoping to double up against Martin Staszko and the chips back. Alas Staszko picked up another pocket pair -- Jd-Jc. The board ran out 5h-5c-2s-2c-7s. Ben Lamb's magnificent run ended with a third place finish. He collected $4,019,635. Not too shabby. His fans were stunned, especially the guy in the lamb suit, who never thought they'd see their hero hit the rail on the 4th hand.

The Czech fans went nuts as the dealer pushed the pot to Staszko. It's down to two Europeans for the championship. Germany vs. Czech Republic.

Heinz is no longer the chip leader. He has 88.6M and trails Staszko's 117.3M big stack.

* * *
6:15pm... The Cash on the Table

Where's the guys with shotguns? Man, I miss Binions and their thick-necked goons with weapons keeping a keen eye on the cash. Action was paused while the winner's share was stacked on the table. Bricks of cash. That's what it's all about right? $3.3 million difference between first and second.

Here's what's at stake...

1st place - $8,711,956
2nd place- $5,430,928

And the chippies:

Pius Heinz - 88.6M
Martin Staszko - 117.3M

* * *
6:18pm... Lamb's Bustout Interview

Ben Lamb was all class in his post-elimination interview despite the crush of media thrusting microphones and recorders in his face.

"I don't want people to cry for me... I'll be okay," said the 2011 WSOP Player of the Year as he flashed a smile.

WSOP media director Nolan Dalla asked Ben Lamb who he thought would win the heads-up match between the two Euros. "Martin has the lead," said Lamb. "But Pius has more experience and is more aggressive."

Ah, Lamb likes the German to win it all.

When asked about busting out rather quickly, Lamb responded, "I didn't think I'd bust in five hands... but I wanted to come in (playing) aggressive."

* * *
6:34pm... Pius Back in the Lead

The room was rather quiet with most of Lamb's supporters filing out of the theatre after his elimination. But, just when things seemed sedate and calm, a massive pot developed.

The board read: 9d-8d-5c-Qd-10c. Approximately 34M was in the pot. Hienz checked. Staszko bet 14.5M. Hienz check-raised all-in. Staszko folded and relinquished the lead. Heinz improved to 123M, while Staszko slipped to 83M.

Heinz's German contingency sang his theme song -- a rendition of KC and the Sunshine Band's "Give It Up" with random German lyrics switched up to fit Pius' name.

Update: Thanks to Change100 watching ESPN in our hoel room, she informed me that Heinz held 9s-8s for two pair and Sraszko had only As-8c.

* * *
7:10pm... Level 41

Not much to report over the last half hour. I told writer Michael Kaplan that the Germans and Czech could be chanting curse words and dirty limericks and no one would know because I doubt anyone manning the censors at ESPN is fluent in German and Czech.

Blinds are up. 800K/1.6M with a 200K ante. Heinz is still ahead of Staszko... approximately 132M to 75M.

* * *
7:35pm... Staszko Snags Lead

The Czechs on the rail are rowdy once again now after Martin Staszko seized the lead.

Both players limped to see a rainbow flop of Q-9-2. Heinz bet out and Staszko called. The turn was the Ks (with two spades now on the flop) and Heinz bet 4.5M while Staszko insta-called. The river was the 7s. With a flush on the board, Heinz fired out 14M or so. Staszko called and tabled Q-7 for two pair -- Queens and sevens. It was good enough to win the pot. Heinz also rivered two pair, but his 7-2 was no good. Foiled with the Hammer.

After shipping that pot, the Czech cheering section grew louder and louder. Staszko opened up a 110M to 95M lead.

* * *
8:07pm... Heinz Wins Four-Bet Battle; Then Loses Lead

Puis Heinz looked like he was about to kick it up a notch. He opened to 3.4M. Staszko raised to 9.5M, but Heinz pushed right back with a 20M four-bet. Stazsko bailed. That hand pushed Heinz over 115M and he took a 25M lead over Staszko.

On the next hand, it was Staszko's time to push around Heinz. Staszko opened to 3.5M, Heinz aggro-raised to 10M and Staszko called. The flop was 10s-7d-2h. Heinz bet 9M and Staszko called. The turn was the Ac and Heinz fired out 21M. Staszko didn't blink and shoved all-in for his entire stack of 60M or so. Heinz folded and Staszko won the pot. The two flipped-flopped chip counts. Heinz slipped to 84M, while Staszko was back on top with 122M.

Update: I got the hands -- on the 10-7-2-A board, even though Heinz bet the turn, Staszko shoved with a gutshot and K-Q and Heinz folded J-9.

* * *
8:40pm... Staszko Takes 2-1 Lead

Quick snark... los hombres at Wicked Chops Poker are dubbing Staszko the "Czech Moneymaker."

Back to the poker action... before the hand, Staszko held a 115M-90M lead. But after the hand, he surged to over 140M and had twice many chips as Heinz.

The standard opening raise has been 3.4-3.5M. Heinz raised and Staszko called. The flop was Ah-9s-3d. Staszko check-called a 3.8M bet from Heinz. The turn was the As. Staszko checked, Heinz bet 8.5M, Staszko check-raised to 18.5M, and Heinz called. The 6d fell on the river and Staszko bet 20M. A frustrated Heinz folded.

After that hand, Heinz slipped to 64M, while Staszko chipped up to 141M.

Update: Staszko held 7-6 off while Staszko turned trip Aces with Ac-9c.

* * *
9:03pm... Even

Heinz picked up momentum as he stormed back to almost even in chips. Over the last 5 or 6 hands, Heinz's aggression paid off after Staszko coughed up a 2-1 edge. With about seven or eight minutes left in this level, it's almost as if Staszko needs the level to end and go on a break in order to put a momentary halt to Heinz's assault.

* * *
9:05pm... Heinz Back in Lead

Heinz trying to pull away. He's now holding 113M to Staszko's 92M.

* * *
9:15pm... New Tao of Pokerati Episode - Heads-Up Outfits

Episode 9: Heads-Up Outfits - It's been heads-up for almost three hours between Martin Staszko and Pius Heinz. Dan and Pauly discuss their outfits and lack of patches. They also decide to pick sides. Pauly is backing Heinz, while Dan is sticking with Staszko. Oh, and Dan is perplexed when he realizes that he is dressed identically to Pauly.

Nov. Nine - Heads-up Outfits (Ep 9) by taopokerati

* * *

9:33pm... Level 42

Blinds are up to 1M/2M with a 300K ante. Heinz has almost 117M to Staszko's 89M.

* * *
9:50pm... Staszko Back on Track

The break did wonders for Martin Staszko. He re-grouped and won 7 out of the first 9 hands after the break. He re-took the lead and now has a 125M to 80M advantage.

* * *
10:04pm... Staszko Steamrolling; Back to a 2-1 Lead

Chants from the stage echo into the back of the theatre. The Germans are screaming "Pius!" while the Czechs are belting out "Nartin!" Except where I'm sitting, it sounds like "penis" and "more meat."

Despite the "We will, we will Heinz you!" chants from the Germans, Staszko opened up more than a 2-1 lead again after winning a pot with a King-high straight. Staszko lead is now 143M to 62M.

* * *
10:15pm... 3-1

Pius Heinz is unable to stop Martin Staszko. The Czech now has almost a 3-1 lead with a 152M to 53M advantage.

One of the Germans is holding up the "Pius, will you marry me sign?" To which someone from the peanut gallery blurted out, "So gay!"

* * *
11:01pm... Frustrated Heinz

During one hand on a board of 8-8-6-6-3, Heinz looked totally perplexed -- he couldn't get a read on Staszko. Even though he banged away at small pots to get within 124M to 80M, he could induce any action when he woke up to wired Aces. Since then, Heinz lost multiple pots and slipped under 50M. Staszko is back to a commanding 3-1 lead.

Even though the Czech fans are outnumbered 2-1, they are louder than the Germans in white hoodies on the rail. So all the cheering is up on the stage. Meanwhile, out in the actual theatre, it's rather quiet and mellow. I dunno if anyone is hanging out in the upper deck. I haven't heard any cat calls from the peanut gallery in several hours.

* * *
11:40pm... Heinz Finishes Level Strong

Well, I can say one thing about Heinz... he wasn't going to roll over and give up so easily. He picked up several pots at the end of Level 42 to trim Staszko's lead.

* * *
11:45pm... Level 43

Blinds are up to 1.2M/2.4M and a 300K ante. Staszko holds a 124M to 81M lead.

* * *
11:55pm... Huge Double Up for Heinz

On the first hands back from the break, we had finally had some action. Heinz raised from his big blind and Staszko called. The flop was Ks-10c-7c. Heinz c-bet to 8.5M, Staszko raised to 17.5M, Heinz shoved all-in, and Staszko called. Heinz only had a gutshot with Ah-Qh vs. Staszko's flush draw and Qc-9c. The turn was the 3h, and the 6s fell on the river. Heinz faded the flush and his hand held up. He doubled up to 162M. Meanwhile, Staszko sunk to 43.5M.

According to Timtern, Heinz has the biggest lead of heads-up play. He's got well over a 3-1 advantage. And yes, the Germans on the rail erupted with jubilation and launched into their rendition of "Give It Up."

* * *
12:15am... Martin Saszko Eliminated in 2nd Place ($5,430,928); Pius Heinz Wins 2011 WSOP Main Event ($8,711,956)

The final hand... all-in preflop. Heinz went to battle with As-Kc against Staszko's 10c-7c. The board ran out 9s-5c-2d-Jh-4d. Heinz won the hand with Ace-high, thereby winning the 2011 Main Event and $8.7 million. He left into the crowd and nearly disappeared into a sea of white hoodies.

Europe is the home of a world championship once again, as Heinz becomes the first German WSOP Main Event champion. Czech Republic's Martin Staszko finished in second place, collecting $5,430,928 for his runner-up performance. Congrats to both gentlemen.

2011 November Nine Results:
1st - Pius Heinz - $8,711,956
2nd - Martin Staszko - $5,430,928
3rd - Ben Lamb - $4,019,635
4th - Matt Giannetti - $3,011,661
5th - Phil Collins - $2,268,909
6th - Eoghan O'Dea - $1,720,396
7th - Bob Bounahra - $1,313,851
8th - Anton Makiievskyi - $1,009,910
9th - Sam Holden - $782,115

* * *
12:22am... New Tao of Pokerati Podcast - The Final Hand

Episode 10: The Final Hand - Dan, Pauly, and Timtern commentate on the final hand as Pius Heinz defeats Martin Staszko to win the 2011 WSOP Main Event Championship.

Nov. Nine - The Final Hand by taopokerati

* * *

Pius Heinz - 2011 WSOP Main Event Champion
That's it for now! Thanks for following along with the Tao of Poker. I have no idea if this is my last WSOP. I'm sure it won't be, but if it is, it's been one wild ride.

Photo credit: WSOP.com (J. Boncek)

November Nine Down to Three; Germany's Pius Heinz = Chip Leader

2011-11-07T04:20:00.001-05:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Photo courtesy of WSOP.com
The 2011 November Nine kicked off on Sunday and after a long day of action, we're down to three players. One of them will become the next WSOP Main Event Champion. Germany's Pius Heinz is the chip leader with over 107M. He has the other two players (Ben Lamb and Martin Staszko) covered. $8.7 million is on the line. Which one will take it down?

November Nine - Final Three Chip Counts:
Pius Hienz (Cologne, Germany) - 107.8M
Ben Lamb (Las Vegas, NV) - 55.4M
Martin Staszko (Trinec, Czech Republic) - 42.7M

November Nine Final Table Payouts and Results:
1st - ? - $8,711,956
2nd - ?? - $5,430,928
3rd - ??? - $4,019,635
4th - Matt Giannetti - $3,011,661
5th - Phil Collins - $2,268,909
6th - Eoghan O'Dea - $1,720,396
7th - Badih "Bob" Bounahra - $1,313,851
8th - Anton Makiievskyi - $1,009,910
9th - Sam Holden - $782,115

And here's a complete list of players who cashed in the 2011 WSOP Main Event.

I cranked out a live blog. If you haven't seen it yet, then check out... 2011 November Nine Live Blog.

I also recorded six new episodes of the Tao of Pokerati podcast with Michalski. We've migrated our podcasts to Sound Cloud. Listen to them here...

Tao of Pokerati Podcast - 2011 November Nine Edition
Episode 1: Evolution
Episode 2: Naming Names
Episode 3: Betting on Belize
Episode 4: Non-Silence of the Lambs
Episode 5: Giannetti Lives
Episode 6: Quad Lambs

Action resumes Tuesday just before 6pm PT. You'll be able to watch it live (with a 15-minute delay) with hole cards on ESPN. The Hall of Fame ceremony featuring new inductees Linda Johnson and Barry Greenstein, and that will take place around 4pm.

See you then.

2011 WSOP November Nine - Sunday Live Blog

2011-11-06T11:58:00.051-05:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Photo courtesy of Flipchip
For a seventh year in a row, I'm covering the final table of the World Series of Poker Main Event Championship. I'm fortunate to have witnessed the last final table inside Benny's Bullpen inside historic Binion's in 2005 when Joe Hachem got the sugar passed his way amidst an omnipresent chant of "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oy! Oy! Oy!" Since then, I caught final tables played out inside the Amazon Ballroom and had ringside seats during the apex of the poker boom when Jamie Gold and Jerry Yang respectively won their championships. I have also been in the orchestra pit for each incarnation of the November Nine, and watched 20-something baby-faced wunderkinds -- Peter Eastgate, Joe Cada, and Jon Duhamel -- slip the winner's bracelet around their wrist and hug a mountain of cash.

Now you can add this year's November Nine to my resume. Technology is improving, demand is vacillating, and the world's financial system is in ruins. Who knows if the November Nine will continue to exist (check out Change100's stellar article on that very subject -- The Last November Nine?), or if the WSOP Main Event reverts back to how it used to be played out -- from start to finish -- without any layoffs. Call me a purist, but that's how the Main Event should be played out. I never liked the concept of the November Nine because it weakened the integrity of the Main Event. Big Business entities determined that the most prestigious poker tournament of the year should be a made-for-TV event like the Oscars or Presidential elections. But as far as fabricated events go -- the November Nine is still one of the best spectacles you'll ever see.

The lines between sports and entertainment have always been blurred since the inception of televised poker. But something happened this summer during the Main Event that revolutionized poker coverage -- the live feed. It became insanely popular so the same concept has been added to the November Nine (with only a 15-minute delay and ALL hole cards instead of a 30-minute delay and hole cards past the flop). For the first time, the WSOP Main Event felt like a real sport because it was being covered like one on ESPN and ESPN2.

Generally speaking, Americans want their entertainment and art spoon fed to them. Best example is the popularity of the juvenile Jersey Shore, or why Michael Bay makes gajillion-dollar mind-numbing blockbusters (I admit, I like seeing shit get blown up) and Woody Allen has been banished to Europe to do his artsy-fartsy existential films.

TV programs are only in existence to sell shit. Just look back to the first "soap operas" that dominated the airwaves after the introduction to the TV. Dramatic stories with tepid acting were only created to sell... soap. Fifty years later, the same concept applied to the poker industry. Televised poker was created to sell online poker, masked as the grandiose American Dream. Alas, Black Friday squashed the lucrative televised poker market. Without PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker fighting for the hearts and minds of online poker junkies, a vacuum was created. Even though Ty Stewart is a masterful salesmen, he's really been the only one to persuade non-gambling companies to join the WSOP as a major advertising partner. The bottom line is that most Fortune 500 companies don't care about poker, otherwise all of the November Niners would look like NASCAR drivers with ads peppering their entire accouterments.

Without the proverbial carrot stick in front of the donkey cart, it's been hard to sell "packaged" poker programs to the masses. But, rabid poker fans love everything that has to do with poker. They'll flock anywhere to get their poker fix. The ratings during the live stream of the Main Event proved that watching poker "now" (even though it's on a delayed feed to protect the integrity of the game) is a profitable product. Let's put it this way, if it wasn't, there's no way ESPN would dedicate an entire Sunday during football season to a poker tournament. Yet, that's what happened. If the live feed continues to be a smashing and profitable success, the November Nine's future is in jeopardy. Alas, the future of the November Nine will come down to the fate of so many projects in Hollywood -- ratings.

I will be tweeting from inside the Penn and Teller Theatre at @taopauly. I will be also be providing some updates here on Tao of Poker and if/when Michalski shows up, we'll record episodes of Tao of Pokerati podcast. I gotta be honest -- the November Nine scheduled on a Sunday is utter torture for a sports bettor and NFL fan like myself. It will be hard to focus on the final table while NFL games are in action. I can't promise I'll stay inside the Penn and Teller Theatre. It won't be surprising if you find me walking back and forth between the press box and the sports book. Besides, between Twitter and ESPN2, there's really no reason for me to add to the static and regurgitate information you already know about. But on a good note, that will allow me to float around and dig up the juicy dirt behind the scenes, in the hallways, and in the farthest corners of the Penn and Teller Theatre.

But the November Nine is always a wild ride so stay tuned for the hijinks. We're playing from 9 players to 3 tonight.

You can watch the final table on ESPN2 this afternoon on a 15-minute delay. You can stream it online on ESPN3 and if you live outside America, you'll find options at WSOP.com.

* * *
9:45am... "It was a gloomy day."

It was a gloomy day as I gazed out the window of my hotel. The washed put grey skies covered the Las Vegas valley with a faint outline of the mountains in the distance. Sunday morning. Most God-fearing citizens were sitting in church, while sports fanatics were settling in for a long Sunday grind. I dressed quietly as to not wake up my girlfriend. I walked into the hallway and got dizzy at the erratic patterns on the carpet -- something like MC Escher and Kandinsky on mescaline. Three old ladies lumbered down the hallway. I squeezed by and sniffed a familiar aroma. Someone on my floor was waking n' baking. I was jealous. Even one of the old ladies made a crack about the "ciggaweed."

* * *
9:55am... Mayhem at the Book

The fucking elevator stopped at every floor. I got antsy. I needed to get to the sports book ASAP. Note to self... never go to a sports book ten minutes before kickoff. It was a zoo at the Gold Coast with four lines of disheveled gamblers in football jerseys at least fifty deep on each line. I popped down to see if any lines moved in my favor. The GC had the SF Niners at -5.5. I got it in at -4 at the Palms the night before. I also liked Kansas City against the hapless Miami Dolphins.

* * *
10:20am... The Hallway

The hallway connecting the Rio's gaming floor to the convention center was semi-crowded. Unlike previous years, I didn't see a vast array of costumes from contingency of fans related to the November Niners. In 2008, Dennis Phillip clones were everywhere it seemed and it felt like I was in a bizarre Charlie Kaufman film with beer-guzzling Midwesterners in red St. Louis Cardinals hats and white dress shirts. In 2009, it was yellow fever in the hallways with all of Joe Cada's crew decked out in yellow U of Michigan shirts. Last year, the French Canadians made their presence known by supporting Jon Duhamel with red Montreal Canadiens hockey sweaters.

This year is a little subdued. I ran into a small group of rowdy folks from Belize wearing all black with hats sporting the colors of the Belize flag. I've never been to Belize, but I hear it's lovely this time of year. Why the hell would anyone leave paradise to fly into dreary Vegas? Nationalistic pride. That's why. Belize is not what you call a heavy hitter on the international sporting scene, but the group of supporters are here to cheer on their native son -- Badih Bounahra. His nickname is "Bob" if you don't know. If he wins the Main Event, he'll become the next king of Belize.

* * *
10:30... The Calm

I snuck into the Penn and Teller a little early. Only Mickey and Julio were among my fellow media reps already inside. The theatre was quiet with production people dressed in black scrambling across the main stage. One guy was mopping an area for fifteen minutes. The "Mothership" that was parked inside the Amazon Ballroom appear on stage --well at least half of the saucer, which was arranged in a semi-circle.

Lance Bradley, my editor of Bluff walked inside and showed me a sports betting ticket -- the lines have moved. The chip leader Martin Staszko from the Czech Republic went from 4-1 to 8-1 at the Rio sportsbook. Wow, talk about a huge adjustment in the lines. It's safe to assume that very little money was placed on Staszko in Vegas. The bookies here are sweating hard. So, it made sense to run down to the sportsbook and drop a c-note on Martin Staszko, right?

* * *
11:15am... Gates Open

The crowd was allowed inside and the theatre quickly filled up with late-arriving media and supporters of the November Nine. A mixture of thunderous hiphop and selections personally picked by November Niners blasted on the sound system. The first wave of chanting started from the Belize crew. "Bob! Bob! Bob!" echoed inside. The green-shirt people filtered inside -- both Eoghan O'Dea and Ben Lamb's crew wore green t-shirts. Kinda tough to distinguish the two from afar. But up close, you can tell the Irish by their thick brogues and the rapid pace of their booze consumption. I know it's not even noon in Vegas, but there's already a bunch of sloppy drunks keeping things interesting.

The scantily clad girls with t-shirt guns made the rounds. The crowd soaked it up like starving pigeons. I had to look up every few seconds whenever I heard the "POP!" to make sure I wasn't pelted by a rolled-up schwag t-shirt.

* * *
11:30am... Updated Odds

I rushed over to the Rio's sportsbook. Here's the current odds...

Staszko 7/1
Odea 5/1
Giannetti 9/5
P Collins 3/1
Lamb 4/1
Heinz 7/2
Bounahra 6/1
Makievskyi 15/1
Holden 25/1

I think every citizen of Belize flew into Vegas to bet on Bob. His line dropped from 12/1 to 6/1. O'Dea shot up to 5/1 and I put down another bet on him. My McCatholic Irish-side of the family would be proud I'm backing Ireland's native son. Can he become the second ever player to win the Big One? Noel Furlong was the other. Andy Black came close in 2005. Ah, I miss my friends in the Irish press corp -- Tom Murphy and Mike Lacey -- they know how to cover a poker tournament -- with a bevy of f-bombs and pounding nonstop Coronas.

* * *
11:46am... Unleash the Freaks

One of Ben Lamb's crew is dressed up like... a lamb.

"In the Air Tonight" is now playing and the Mothership's lights are sparkling as the November Niners make their way through the tunnel. A rowdy applause was unleashed from the entire crowd. Dissonant shouting, cheering. Hard to make out exactly what is going on. Phil Collins crowd is singing along to Phildo's anthem.

* * *
12:20pm... Players Seated

Player introductions already happened. The circus is almost underway. We've gone through the arduous process of setting up everything. At this point, we're waiting for TD Jack Effel to officially kick everything off. Shuffle up and deal honors go to Norman Chad. as JC Alvarado mentioned to me on Twitter, he thinks Bruce Buffer isn't doing the honors because no more Full Tilt.

November Nine - Seating Assignments and Chip Counts:
Seat 1: Matt Giannetti (USA) - 24,750,000
Seat 2: Badih “Bob” Bounahra (Belize) - 19,700,000
Seat 3: Eoghan O'Dea (Ireland) - 33,925,000
Seat 4: Phil Collins (USA) - 23,875,000
Seat 5: Anton Makiievskyi (Ukraine) - 13,825,000
Seat 6: Sam Holden (U.K.) - 12,375,000
Seat 7: Pius Heinz (Germany) - 16,425,000
Seat 8: Ben Lamb (USA) - 20,875,000
Seat 9: Martin Staszko (Czech Republic) - 40,175,000

* * *
12:25pm... Phil Collins Wins First Pot

Collins won the first pot. One of Lamb's crew yelled "Get in the hole!" I love random shit like that blurted out, especially Caddyshack quotes. Collins crew busted into "I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

The crowd is rowdy, boisterous, and energetic. I wonder if they can keep up the frenzied pace? If you got extra Adderall on you to sell, you can make a killing slinging pharmaceutical grade speed in the hallways on the break.

* * *
12:30pm... Fear the Fro

Sam Holden's mates brought curly wigs. They're binge drinking and sitting right behind the Irish contingency. Wonder if the Brits and Irish will rumble? We haven't seen a brawl at the November Nine... yet. Sometimes the Penn and Teller Theatre resembles a European football stadium, so you wonder if any of the hooligan-type bravado takes over and two groups rumble in the aisles. Luckily the seats in the theatre are nailed down. If you have a significant amount of inebriated people around folding chairs, there's a high percentage than one irate drunk will hurl a chair during a fit on ire.

* * *
12:50pm... Back to the Sportsbook

My bet on KC shit the bed. I doubled down on Green Bay. I headed to the sportsbook. All eyes were fixated on the NFL games. One screen in the far left corner aired the November Nine. I noticed a bunch of Matt Gianetti supporters sweating games. They are hard to miss with their black bio hazard shirts.

By the way, I stopped by the bar inside the theatre on my way back inside and did a head count -- 90% of patrons waiting in line for drinks were Phil Collins supporters.

* * *
1:01pm... First Break; Lamb and O'Dea Up Tick

We're on the first TV break of the day. Ben Lamb and Eoghan O'Dea chipped up after the first spurt of play. Staszko still holds the lead with over 40M, but O'Dea inched a little closer and now has around 38M. Ben Lamb passed the 20M mark. Short stacks are Sam Holden and Puis Heinz with around 12M each.

* * *
1:20pm... "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Happy 4:20 to my East Coast readers. The strange dichotomy of the November Nine -- the organizers want it to be a festive atmosphere like a football game, but when play is developing on the stage, they want the crowd to be as quiet as a library. TD Jack Effel had to shush the crowd on several occasions -- mostly Phil Collins' crew. And yes, they've been drinking since.... last week. They retaliated with a few "Shhhhhs" of their own, which get blurted out at random times.

One of the cool features inside the theatre is a big screen on the right side that shows the flop cam and running chip counts, which update during the hand. You always know who has what -- which is a clever innovation. There's three of those screens against the stage so the folks in the front rows can also see chip counts.

* * *
1:43pm... Rumba Shakers

Martin Staszko attempted to pass the 50M mark, before he dropped a pot to Belize Bob. His friends from Belize went berserk when he shipped the pot. They are by far the loudest group inside -- mainly because of the rumba shakers that someone is rattling whenever he wins a pot. The flags are a plenty -- small ones waved by fans and a few larger ones held up by two fans. The folks from Belize are a festive group for sure. Makes me wonder how insane the Penn & Teller would be if a Brazilian like Andre Akkari made the final table. The Rio would actually become the Rio North with every Brazilian in the northern hemisphere converging on Vegas to sweat their countrymen.

Regardless of how Belize Bob finishes, I have a feeling his crew is going to throw the best November Nine after-party. I gotta get chummy with some of them on the break, in order to secure myself an invite.

* * *
2:00pm... Ben's Lamb

TD Jack Effel pointed into the crowd and made fun of the guy in the lamb costume. "Is that a cow?" he wondered. The lamb jumped up. He has a sign on his chest "Ben's Lamb." Lamb's crew began chanting "Benba! Benba! Benba!" They eventually settled down and the lamb shouted out: "We're going to Sizzler!"

Lamb is up to 23M. Staszko is the leader with 42M.

* * *
2:30pm... Zee Germans Are Coming

Puis Heinz is making a run. He chipped up to almost 25M. meanwhile, O'Dea has slipped a bit and Staszko is back towards his march to a 50M stack.

Oh, and I found Michalski, who arrived only two hours late today. Stay tuned for an episode of Tao of Pokerati, as soon as we fix a minor technical glitch!

* * *
2:40pm... Heinz Surges; O'Dea Drowning

In one of the biggest hands of the final table, Puis Heinz emerged second in chips after he pushed O'Dea off a hand. On hand #38, the board read 8d-8c-4c-2c. With almost 20M in the pot, O'Dea fired out 8M. Heinz tanked for several moments before he announced all-in. O'Dea quickly bailed and the German contingency went nuts. I spotted a German flag up on the stage. Heinz's crew had been sporting rudimentary signs written with sharpies and cardboard.

Heinz chipped up to almost 46M, which was good enough to put him second in chips behind Staszko. O'Dea is the second shortest stack with 11M. Only Sam Holden has fewer chips with 9M.

Update: I had to wait 15 minutes to get the hand info... Heinz held pocket Queens (with Qc) on that decisive hand and O'Dea was trying to make a move with A-Q (no clubs).

* * *
2:51pm... Heinz = New Chip leader

Puis Heinz slipped past Martin Staszko and now leads 47M to 46M. Heinz chipped up over 30M since action began. It only took 43 hands before Staszko relinquished the lead. Meanwhile, O'Dea slipped from 33M to 10M. At one point earlier today, O'Dea was nipping at Stazko's lead and was over 40M, but he's bled over 3/4 of his stack since then.

The trio of Americans -- Lamb, Giannetti, and Collins -- have been quiet. Collins lost a few million in chips, but Lamb and Giannetti are hovering near their starting stacks.

* * *
3:15pm... New Tao of Pokerati Podcast! Episode 1 - Evolution

We're having some tech issues, so I'm gonna try Sound Cloud out to host our podcast and see if it works.

Episode 1: Evolution - We're back with a new episode of Tao of Pokerati live from the Rio in Las Vegas. Dan showed up late, but watched some of the live feed at home. The WSOP coverage is evolving and the we discuss the latest nuances in poker reporting.

Here's Episode 1 titled Evolution...

November Nine - Evolution (Ep 1) by taopokerati

* * *
3:20pm... New Tao of Pokerati Podcast - Episode 2 - Naming Names

Episode 2: Naming Names - Dan and I discuss the November Nine players, or rather, Dan's lack of knowledge of who made the final table. Dan has a cheat sheet -- the live chip count list -- that appears on a big screen adjacent to the stage.

Here's Episode 2...

November Nine - Naming Names (Ep 2) by taopokerati

* * *
3:33pm... Sam Holden Eliminated in 9th Place ($782,115)

On the first hand after the break, Sam Holden made a stand with As-Js. He was the second shortest stack at the table and hoped to double up, but he ran into Ben Lamb's Ah-Kc. The flop was A-9-8 all clubs. The turn was the Qc and Lamb improved to a nut flush. Holden was drawing dead and he hit the rail in ninth place. His loyal followers, decked out in curly wigs, silently filed out of the theatre.

I actually missed the hand. I was late getting back to the theatre after the break because I was sweating some of the GB-SD game in the sports book.

Down to 8. Heinz is still on top.

Updated Chippies:
Pius Heinz - 49.050M
Martin Staszko - 43.425M
Ben Lamb - 34.4M
Matt Giannetti - 26.425M
Phil Collins - 15.675M
Bob Bounahra - 13.925M
Eoghan O'Dea - 12.925M
Anton Makiievskyi - 10.1M

* * *
4:01pm... Anton Makiievskyi Eliminated in 8th Place ( $1,009,910)

Action is picking up. We had our second bustout in the last thirty minutes. Short-stacked Anton Makiievskyi was all-in for his tournament life with K-Q against Puis Heinz's 9-9. Ah, just another battle of Germany vs. Lithuania. The flop was K-J-J and Makiievskyi took the lead. When the 9 spiked on the turn, the room erupted. The Germans went bat shit crazy and everyone else was absolutely stunned. The river was a blank and Heinz's boat held up. Makiievskyi was knocked out in 8th place and became the first November Niner to cash in for at least $1 million.

Down to 7. Heinz is now over 60M in chips. Belize Bob is the short stack with under 7M. His crew is silent after being the rowdiest bunch all afternoon. Time for Belize Bob to double up with blinds at 400K/800K and a 100K ante, or he's gonna be the next to go...

* * *
4:12pm... Giannetti Making Moves

Matt Giannetti just dragged an 8M pot off of Puis Heinz. He made a boat with pocket deuces. Giannetti jumped up to second in chips with 47M. Meanwhile, Heinz's big stack took a slight hit and he slipped to 52M. The hand woke up Giannetti's Bio-hazard fans, many of whom had been quiet the last few hours.

* * *
4:20pm... Smoke Break!

Today's smoke break is sponsored by Lost Vegas. If you haven't bought my book about my experiences covering the WSOP during the poker boom, then what are you waiting for? There's even a Kindle version.

* * *
4:26pm... Belize Bob Eliminated in 7th Place ($1,313,851)

Super-shorty Belize Bob shoved with Ah-5c and Czech Republic's Martin Staszko called with As-10d. The flop was 7-6-2. The turn was a King, and the river was a 6. Belize Bob went busto in 7th place. I'm bummed out his fervent fans are leaving. I know one thing for sure -- I'm gonna party with the Belizeheads tonight. You know they are gonna rage it up, and who knows what kind of party favors they brought to Vegas.

Down to 6. Martin Staszko is in third in chips with almost 47M. O'Dea is the short-stack with a little over 11M.

* * *
4:40pm... Diamonds for Phildo

Phil Collins looked like he was about to get bounced in 6th place. He was all-in with Qh-Jd against Ben Lamb's Ac-Qc. The flop was Kd-5d-3s, but the 10d on the turn gave Collins a lot of outs. Alas, Lamb could not fade a diamond when the Qd hit. Collins doubled up to 28M and avoided elimination. Lamb slipped to 15M. O'Dea is the shorty with 13M. Collins' fans unleashed a furious celebration and belted out his theme song.

* * *
5:05pm... New Tao of Pokerati Podcast - Episode 3 - Betting on Belize

Episode 3: Betting on Belize: - Dan and Pauly chat about the first three eliminations at the final table, including Belize Bob. His 200 supporters kept the atmosphere festive. They also bet heavily on Bob at the Rio's sports book, which drove down his odds from 12/1 to 6/1.

Here's the new episode...

Nov. Nine - Betting on Belize (Ep 3) by taopokerati

* * *
5:20pm... Mind the Gap

With six to go, it looks like there's a division between three big stacks and three smaller ones. Pius Heinz is out in front with 62M. Matt Giannetti is second with almost 52M, and Martin Staszko has 40M. The small stacks (Ben Lamb, Phil Collins, Eoghan O'Dea) are all around 17M-18M.

* * *
5:34pm... O'Dea Crippled; Lamb Avoids Elimination

Two short-stacks went at it. All-in prelop. O'Dea went to battle with Ac-9d against Ben Lamb's Qd-8d. The flop was Jd-Js-6d and very favorable for Lamb who picked up a diamond draw. The turn was the 4c. O'Dea faded diamonds, but the 8h spiked on the river. Lamb won with a pair of eights and he avoided elimination to double up to almost 30M. O'Dea had him covered by only 2.6M. That's what he has left. The Irishman is on life support.

* * *
5:55pm... Eoghan O'Dea Eliminated in 6th Place ($1,720,396)

On the 99th hand of the final table, O'Dea made a stand with Q-6. Martin Staszko picked him off with pocket eights. The OCHOS held up and O'Dea hit the rail in 6th place. The contingency of Irish fans gave him a boisterous send off. Down to 5.

* * *
5:59pm... Phil Collins Eliminated in 5th Place ($2,268,909)

The paint wasn't even dry after the last hand and we had another all-in and a call on hand #100. This time, short-stacked Phil Collins made a stand. His Ad-7d was trailing Puis Heinz's pocket nines. The flop was 6-5-4 rainbow, but Collins picked up a straight draw. The turn was the 9d. Heinz improved to a set, but Collins had a flush redraw. The river was the 7s. Heinz's set of nines held up and Phil Collins was knocked out in 5th place. Down to 4.

Heinz's stack improved to almost 87M. Matt Giannetti was second with almost 50M. Staszko has around 41M. Ben Lamb is the unfortunate shorty with 28M.

* * *
6:45pm... Dinner Break

The final four players are heading on a 75-minute dinner break.

Dinner Break Chippies:
Pius Heinz - 85.5M
Matt Giannetti - 50.3M
Ben Lamb - 46.3M
Martin Staszko - 23.9M

Play resumes at 8:00pm PT.

* * *
8:15pm... Cards Back in the Air

Four remaining. We're playing until we lose one more player. The final three will return on Tuesday. We've only played 120 hands thus far. It took a while until someone busted, but once Sam Holden hit the rail in 9th place, the other eliminations quickly followed.

With four to go, we could be here five minutes or five hours. I still say we won't get out of here until Midnight, but then again, I'm a fatalist and prepare for the worst. I originally thought the night would end around 1:30ish. That's when I set the O/U. That's almost five hours from now. We'll see what happens.

Martin Staszko began the final table as the chip leader, but he's now the short stack -- and the hunted. Will the Czech succumb to the German big stack in Puis Heinz, or will one of the Americans (Ben Lamb or Matt Giannetti) take him out? Stay tuned...

* * *
9:01pm... The Slowdown

Obviously, nothing much has happened in the first 25 or so hands after the dinner break -- except Ben Lamb lost about 16M in chips. Heinz is now over 92M. Short-stacked Martin Staszko moved all-in a few times -- but did not find any callers. He's tredding water with around 21M or so.

On a weird note... the German contingency switched up the lyrics to KC and the Sunshine Band's Give It Up, which they sing whenever Pius Heinz wins a pot.

* * *
9:20pm... Double Czech

Shorty Martin Staszko shoved with As-8c. Puis Heinz tanked for a few minutes before he called with 6s-6h. He was ahead, but lost the lead on the flop of 8h-8s-5s. Trips for Staszko ended up holding up despite Heinz turning a gutshot draw. The Qc fell on the river, and Staszko doubled up to 44.6M. The few Czech fans went wild, including one of the Czech reporter who screamed wildly. He got a few evil glances from the other reporters and journalists in press row.

Meanwhile, after losing that hand Heinz slipped to under 75M. Ben Lamb is the shorty with a shade under 30M and Matt Giannetti has almost 57M.

* * *
9:51pm... Heinz at 90M

Pius Heinz took a pot off of Giannetti to improve to over 90M. He has at least 2x as much as the next guy -- Martin Staszko -- who moved up into second by default as Giannetti slipped down to third. Ben Lamb is still the shorty with 30M.

* * *
10:04pm... Martin Staszko Making a Run

Shortly after the dinner break, it looked like Martin Staszko's Main Event was going to be ending shortly. He barely kept his head above water with 20M, but after a timely double up, he sprang to life. He added more chips to his stack and is closing in on 60M. He took a sizable pot off of Puis Hienz, who is back under 80M. Just when Heinz tries to pull away, he gets jumped.

* * *
10:35pm... Giannetti Crippled

Both short stacks sparred. Ben Lamb was all-in with Ah-7h against Matt Giannetti's pocket Jacks. Two hearts on the flop gave Lamb a flush draw, and he promptly got there on the turn. Giannetti was crippled to under 7M. Blinds are 600K/1.2M with a 200K ante, so he's on life support

* * *
10:36pm... New Tao of Pokerati Podcast - Episode 4 - Non-Silence of the Lamb

Episode 4: Non-Silence of the Lamb - Dan was running his recorder during the hand Giannetti was crippled.

Here it is...

Tao of Pokerati: Non-Silence of the Lamb by Pokerati

* * *
10:40... "I'm not dead... yet"

Matt Giannetti doubled up on the very next hand. His Qd-10d held up against Martin Staszko's Q-2. He chipped up to 14.4M, but is still the short stack.

* * *
10:42pm... Tao of Pokerati Podcast - Episode 5 - Giannetti Lives

Episode 5: Giannetti Lives - Dan and Pauly are ringside for a decisive hand between Matt Giannetti and Martin Staszko. Giannetti was crippled on the previous hand and moved all-in. Staszko called with a dominated hand. Dan and Pauly call the action....

Nov. Nine - Giannetti Lives (Ep 5) by taopokerati

* * *
10:50pm... Matt Giannetti Eliminated in 4th Place ($3,011,661)

Man, it was brutal. Not only did Matt Giannetti run his Ad-10s into Ben Lamb's pocket Kings... Lamb had to flop quads to make his elimination hand even worse. Giannetti hit the rail in fourth place. With his bust out, play is suspended and will resume at 5:49PM PT on Tuesday.

* * *
10:55pm... New Tao of Pokerati Podcast - Episode 6 - Quad Lambs

Episode 6: Quad Lambs - Dan and Pauly record the events during the final hand of the day when Matt Giannetti busts out after running into Ben Lamb's quad Kings.

Tao of Pokerati: Quad Lambs by Pokerati

* * *
11:08pm... Today's November Nine Payouts and Final Three Chip Counts:

November Nine Payouts:
1st - $8,711,956
2nd - $5,430,928
3rd - $4,019,635
4th - Matt Giannetti - $3,011,661
5th - Phil Collins - $2,268,909
6th - Eoghan O'Dea - $1,720,396
7th - Badih “Bob” Bounahra - $1,313,851
8th - Anton Makiievskyi - $1,009,910
9th - Sam Holden - $782,115

Final Three Chip Counts:
Pius Hienz - 107.8M
Ben Lamb - 55.4M
Martin Staszko - 42.7M

See ya Tuesday!

Betting Guide to the 2011 November Nine

2011-11-03T17:55:00.004-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

In case you were wondering, and I know many of you degenerates are always looking for excuses to gamble, here's the latest odds for the 2011 WSOP Main Event final table, otherwise known as the November Nine...

2011 November Nine Odds
Martin Staszko 4/1
Eoghan Odea 9/2
Ben Lamb 5/1
Phil Collins 5/1
Matt Giannetti 13/2
Pius Heinz 10/1
Badih Bounahra 12/1
Anton Makievskyi 12/1
Samuel Holden 15/1

** Odds courtesy of The Camel and Oddschecker.com

2011 November Nine Seating Assignments:
Seat 1: Matt Giannetti
Seat 2: Badih Bounahra
Seat 3: Eoghan O'Dea
Seat 4: Phil Collins
Seat 5: Anton Makievskyi
Seat 6: Samuel Holden
Seat 7: Pius Heinz
Seat 8: Ben Lamb
Seat 9: Martin Staszko

November Nine Chip Counts:
1. Martin Staszko - 40,175,000
2. Eoghan O'Dea - 33,925,000
3. Matt Giannetti - 24,750,000
4. Phil Collins - 23,875,000
5. Ben Lamb - 20,875,000
6. Badih Bounahra - 19,700,000
7. Pius Heinz - 16,425,000
8. Anton Makievskyi - 13,825,000
9. Sam Holden - 12,375,000

November Nine - Final Table Payouts
1st - $8,711,956
2nd - $5,430,928
3rd - $4,019,635
4th - $3,011,661
5th - $2,268,909
6th - $1,720,396
7th - $1,313,851
8th - $1,009,910
9th - $782,115

This is the first year that Las Vegas casinos allow proposition wagering on the World Series of Poker. Sports betting on poker is not a precise science yet because oddmakers and gamblers have a very small set of numbers to worth with. This is not like professional football in which oddmakers have models and algorithms to consult in addition to the old fashioned "eye test" to see if a team can legitimately cover a point spread on both paper and in real life. Poker is not like MMA or boxing, and you can't just look at Puis Heinz and say he won't be able to handle Anton Makievskyi.

So what do you look for? Stack sizes? Betting the chip leader isn't always the best strategy. It's only panned out once in the last three final tables.

The luck factor adds difficulty into making a sound decision. You're essentially betting on the guy who puts himself in the best situation to get lucky -- and often times luck is not coming from behind to win a hand or hitting all your draws, but rather, avoiding misfortune by winning all of your coinflips and evading suckouts at advantageous moments.

You're also looking for value and a player who will pay off something close to what he's really worth if goes deep and wins it all.

Will the major betting syndicates get in on this racket? I doubt they'll make a major play because of the uncontrollable variables which makes it tough to minimize their risk. Rather, the majority of action will be wagered by hardcore poker fans and the curious tourist that happens to be in Vegas this weekend. He/she probably watched a few episodes of the WSOP on ESPN and decided to drop $25 on a player.

The WSOP Main Event is not like the Superbowl when amateur bettors flock to the windows to place bets on random things like the coinflip or the length of the national anthem. If the November Nine odds lures in a few drunks on The Strip, they'd probably place bets on a whim will go with familiar names like Phil Collins or Ben Lamb. It's a pick driven by psychology. The European names are just too weird for anyone to pronounce, especially with a few Irish car bombs pumping through their system. Based on that assumption (drunks don't like complicated names), if anyone wants to bet a longshot, it'll be Sam Holden due to the simplicity of his name.

Ben Lamb is overvalued because everyone and his mother who is easily swayed by "awards" will take into account his most-recent Player of the Year victory. Lamb and Phil Hellmuth were neck-and-neck going into the Main Event, but Lamb finally locked up the title with a deep run in the Main Event. Numbers/awards aside, Lamb certainly played well enough across the entire summer to deserve the POY honor, but he could have won a Nobel Prize and the Westminster Dog Show and it still wouldn't alter the randomness of the hands he'll see at the final table and how he'll choose to play them.

The chip leader and most popular guy have been historically overvalued. But, the long shots should be much higher in excess of +1500 and closer to +2000. That's why you have to analyze the guys in the middle. They have the potential for most value if they win the Main Event. With that said, I like Matt Giannetti at +575 and love him of the line moves northward of 600.

* * *

2010 November Nine Odds:
Jonathan Duhamel +180
Michael "The Grinder" Mizrachi +250
John Dolan +250
Joseph "subiime" Cheong +350
Matthew Jarvis +700
John Racener +700
Soi Nguyen +1200
Filippo Candio +1200
Jason Senti +2000

In 2010, the overall favorite and chip leader Jonathan Duhamel won the Main Event -- the only favorite to ever do so. His odds were listed at +180 and he beat John Racener (+700) heads-up. The bookies gave the popular "Grinder" the second favorite at +250.

The Grinder embarked on a remarkable run at the 2010 WSOP and edged out Frank Kasella as Player of the Year, which was anchored by his victory in the 50K Players' Championship. The Grinder eventually finished the Main Event in 5th place. His real odds were much higher, but don't forget the bookies adjust lines to accommodate their positions after the original lines are released. The +250 they set for the Grinder didn't equate to what place they thought he'd finish. The +250 line was in place protect themselves just in case the most popular guy won and they'd be on the hook for almost twice as much cash. Similar thing happened with Phil Ivey in 2009.

Last year, I bet on Joe "subiime" Cheong at +350. I felt that he offered the best value for his price. Cheong finished in a disappointing third place. If he didn't imploded on the infamous hand that sunk his Main Event dreams, who knows what could have happened.

John Racener at +700 ended up being a sound wager because the bubblegum chewing Racener lost to Duhamel heads-up. He was listed as the 6th favorite (or 4th longshot if you want to look at it in those terms). The year before, Joe Cada was in a similar spot and took down the Main Event.

* * *

2009 November Nine Odds:
Darvin Moon +225
Eric Buchman +350
Phil Ivey +350
Happy Shulman +500
Steven Begleiter +500
Joe Cada +1000
Kevin Schaffel +1200
James Akenhead +1200
Antoine Saout +1500

Phil Ivey's numbers were tweaked because he's Phil Fucking Ivey and everyone with a pulse put down a bet on him. I bet on him at crappy odds because he's Phil Fucking Ivey. He should have been listed much higher, but so much money was put down on Ivey that the bookies wanted to minimize their losses just in case he pulled off a victory. Alas, the living legend never got any momentum going and despite the pro-Ivey crowd, he busted in 5th place. Seconds after his elimination, the majority of the Penn and Teller Theatre emptied and energy level fizzled out to a faint whimper.

The Luddite logger Darvin Moon was listed as 2/1 because he held an overwhelming chip lead and the poker gods seemed to have blessed him during his journey to the final table. Moon found himself pitted heads-up against the baby-faced kid from Michigan Joe Cada. Cada getting 10/1 odds would've paid off handsomely if you had the balls to pull the trigger on the unknown player. Alas, it wasn't one of the chip leaders like Moon or Buchman who prevailed. Nor was it the consummate professional in Phil Ivey. Nope, it was one of the random guys at the back of the pack.

* * *

2008 November Nine Odds:
Dennis Phillips +425
Ivan Demidov +425
Scott Montgomery +475
Peter Eastgate +525
Ylon Schwartz +800
David Rheem +850
Darus Suharto +900
Craig Marquis +950
Kelly Kim +2500

In the inaugural November Nine the books erred on the side of caution because the November Nine has never happened before, so no one knew what to expect. The big question marks surrounded the layoff -- would it benefit some players more so than others? And more importantly, how would that affect the betting odds?

Dennis Phillips was the people's choice. He had the "aww shucks" attitude from the moment the spotlight got turned onto him, which is a rare form of charm mostly found in prairie statement politicians and door-to-door insurance salesmen. The fact that he was also the chip leader tweaked his numbers. Don't forget when someone who is not a savvy bettor wants action, they usually go with what is familiar to them. Hence, why the public loved betting on Phillips.

Chino Rheem was the "pro's favorite" that year and most of the people associated with the poker industry put their money on Chino because based on time logged at the live tables, he had the best chance to win. Besides, he also owed the most money to everyone else in poker, which is why everyone was rooting for him. The higher he finished, the better the chances all of his debt collectors would get paid.

The 4th highest favorite, Peter Eastgate, won the championship and became the youngest player to do so in the process -- smashing Phil Hellmuth's record. It's fitting that five years after the Moneymaker Effect, a Scandi who barely shaves, took down the WSOP Main Event.

* * *
So what does all of this mean? Absolutely nothing.

But if you like small sample sizes.... since the inception of the November Nine, only one favorite (Jonathan Duhamel) won the Main Event. Your best bet is someone in the middle of the pack like Joe Cada (2009) or Peter Eastgate (2008). That's why I like Matt Gianetti at +575 or 13/2 at online sportsbooks according to The Camel. Besides, Giannetti won a WPT event on my birthday, so I take that as a positive sign.

I've already placed wagers on O'Dea (safe bet) and Gianetti (value play).

I know I haven't specifically spoken about Eoghan O'Dea, but I like the Irishman's style of play and more importantly, he's a second generation gambler. Poker is in his blood. His father is one of the godfathers of Irish poker Don O'Dea. It's hard to bet against royalty and someone who's been breathing poker since he popped out of his momma's womb.

That's it for now. Consult your local bookie, online sportsbook, or check the betting windows in Vegas for the latest odds. Get your bets in before Sunday! Good luck.

The November Nine kicks off semi-live with hole cards on ESPN2 at 3:30pm ET. You can also view it online at ESPN3.

Las Vegas Circa 1962

2011-10-26T04:20:00.000-04:00

Thanks to the gang at LasVegasVegas for pointing out this video of Las Vegas recorded almost 50 years ago. Sin City sure had changed since then...

Las Vegas 1962 from Jeff Altman on Vimeo.

The Degen Market

2011-10-24T15:09:00.004-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

A slanted photo of a bloody Al Pacino in his role of Tony Montana from Scarface hung high up on the wall above the check-out counter. The weathered photo sat inside a plastic cover, like one you'd use to protect a comic book. Pacino, adorned in a pinstripe suit, held a machine gun in his right hand.

The photo is hung so high up on the wall, it's almost at the ceiling. Pacino hovers over the top shelf, where the "expensive" booze was stored -- mostly a couple of dusty bottles of Patron and one bottle of Johnnie Walker Red. I couldn't figure out if the photo was an homage to the owner's favorite fictional character, or if he left it there as a message to would-be robbers. Maybe he was bragging about being a fourth-rate drug dealer? After all,no one believed he was actually paying rent on a corner store in Pacific Heights by inflating the price of cigarettes and selling cheap wine that might cause unexplained bouts of blindness. The owner had to be doing something shady -- either laundering money for a criminal enterprise like an off-shore online casino or using the store as a front to move a significant amount of weight of an illegal white powdery substance that's none of my fucking business.

Above one of the four clear-doored refrigerators that lined the wall, another photo inside a plastic cover where the overpriced generic milk and orange juice were on display. Shaquille O'Neil, grinning ear to ear, stood next to the store owner. Both of them wore snazzy suits. By the looks of it, the photo was at least a decade old, when Shaq first arrived in Los Angeles to play for the Lakers. Plus the owner looked much younger and had significantly more hair then. He was actually smiling. In the two or so months I lived around the corner I never saw him even smirk. He was the type of guy who woke up with a scowl on his face and he only grew angrier throughout the day.

It was obvious that the bodega owner's two idols were Shaq and Tony Montana. It could've been a lot worse, like Kobe Bryant and Charlie Sheen.

* * *
Growing up in NYC, I was spoiled with the convenience of a local neighborhood bodega. When I lived in Las Vegas, I missed bodegas the most because Vegas neighborhoods, a few miles away from the casinos on The Strip, are so spread out that it's impossible to walk anywhere, besides, it's always 110 fucking degrees outside. I didn't have an authentic bodega experience in Los Angeles because big business muscled out all of the immigrant-owned stores and replaced with a low-frill, generic version known as 7-11. Sure we had a 24-hour one three blocks away, but a homeless guy was camped out in front and if you wanted to buy anything, you had to pass by the puke-inducing grey meat-like tubes roasting on some sort of grill contraption next to the cash register.

I moved to San Francisco a couple of months ago and realized the corner bodegas are essentially liquor stores that also cigarettes, condoms, soft drinks, and junk food. Yeah, you can buy hard liquor and wine in bodegas here. In NYC, you could buy a six pack at a bodega, but you could only buy hooch at a liquor store. And in case you were wondering, the 7-11 around the corner from me in the Slums of Beverly Hills didn't even sell beer or wine.

A couple of bodegas are located within walking distance of my house. The closest one is something that we call the Degen Market. True story. My roommate Halli gave it its nickname because the owner is a degenerate gambler.

Halli refuses to buy anything in the store after she got into a verbal joust with the owner. He was fretting over the score in a baseball game while shouting into the phone (presumably to his bookie). All she wanted to do was buy a pack of smokes and get the hell out of what she described as "the creepiest store north of the Mission." But the owner, originally born in Jordan, was more focused on bitching about his bad beat in mixture of Arabic and baseball lingo than ringing up a pack of of cigarettes.

During her self-imposed ban of the Degen Market, she'd walk a couple of extra blocks to a different bodega. There's one with a beautiful new awning and colorful murals on the walls outside the store. It's better lit, smells much nicer and has plastic baskets to put your fruit and other "real" food items in. The nice corner store even had a deli counter and that owner was more jovial and shot the shit with you while he made sandwiches. He had an extensive selection of cheap and expensive wines and almost thirty different kinds of beer.

It was a totally different scene a few blocks away in the Degen Market where the only bottles of wine were in jugs or cardboard boxes. The selection of booze was sparse compared to the average bodega. The primary liquor shelf was stocked with cheap spirits -- lots of Smirnoff products and a brand of Caribbean rum that I never heard of before.

The Degen Market is an anomaly for the yuppie neighborhood that had a smattering of hipsters and neo-faux-hippies (a.k.a. Trustafarians). You know the types -- the elite one-percenters who felt like they were doing their civic duty by voting for Obama. On any given moment, you'll find someone pushing an uber-expensive German-made baby stroller that cost more than the blue book value on your car. Every sixty seconds, three women in black yoga pants stroll down the street with a tightly, rolled-up mat tucked under their arm.

The Degen Market is also on the same block as a couple of antique stores and a pet spa designed especially for the spoiled pets of Pacific Heights that prescription-pill riddled wives of hedge fund managers bring in once a week for a full-on treatment, which transform their canines into spiffy and pristine ornaments. You don't want the neighbors to think you have a mangy dog, which is a dead giveaway for subversive anti-capitalist activity. Otherwise, the plutocrats will rat you out to Homeland Security for being a pinko-commie hash-head who spends their weekends downtown in front of the San Francisco branch of the Federal Reserve building with wooked-out anarchists angrily chanting for the end of the corporate welfare state.

* * *
I've been hoarding water. It's a little quirk that I've picked up ever since I moved to California. It's the fatalist in me. I figured I can survive a short-term emergency situation like an earthquake or tsunami with a shotgun and water. If it's only a temporary breakdown in the system, then I can successfully ride our riots and looting with a Mossberg at my side. The water is to live on, the shotgun is to keep a million or so unprepared zombies away from my water stash and my girlfriend. If by somehow the Bay Area is hit with an 8.0 magnitude quake or higher and I somehow survive the damage, then I'll have to walk out of the city several miles to a safe house. Blackjack insurance might be a stupid bet in any casino, but I'm gonna need a shotgun and/or a samurai sword to get the fuck out of dodge if/when the shit hits the fan.

I learned it's never foolish to prepare for a worst-case scenario -- especially when you live in city prone to natural disasters. I was convinced that I was not crazy after watching footage of post-apocalyptic New Orleans after Katrina blew the roof off the Superdome and thousands of refuges turned the football stadium into a real-life rendition of Lord of the Flies with walls covered in splattered blood and fecal matter.

I think the owner of the Degen Market is suspicious that I have been buying out large quantities of his bottled water. He hasn't said anything... yet.

* * *
The massive freezer in front of the checkout counter looked like it had not been opened in a few months, maybe even a few years. The ice cream inside was years past its expiration date. All you had to do was take one glimpse at the sketchy-looking freezer, and you'd know instantly that you didn't want anything inside.

That, of course, made me suspicious and curious. What was really in the freezer? If I were to hide something in plain sight, I'd do it in an obvious spot where no one would want to look. For example a large sum of cash, a severed head, or some sort of contraband hidden snugly underneath a couple of bruised cartons of Häagen-Dazs ice cream. Didn't they go out of business a few years ago?

The Degen Market looks like it was hit with a first wave of hysterical people during an natural disaster. Most of the shelves were barren, save a few random canned items and microwaved popcorn that no one deemed a necessity during a potential apocalyptic situation.

Two TVs sat on top of the fridges and a closed-circuit screen was anchored to the ceiling. I had seen enough episodes of The Wire to wonder if the FBI, CIA, NSA, DIA, or DEA had tapped into his surveillance cameras to monitor the activity at his store. The more I thought about it, the more paranoid I got.

You could view the security cameras and both TVs while sitting behind the check-out desk. During the days, an old woman watched the news and talked on the phone. When the owner was minding the store, he always had on a different sporting event on one, if not both of the TVs. His viewing was not limited to American sports. I caught different European soccer matches and even one match that included two teams from the Middle East. The writing at the bottom of the screen was in Arabic. I tried to make small talk.

"Who's playing?"

"Shabab Al Ordon and Al Wehdat."

"So who do you have?"

"Al Wehdat."

I looked up at the screen completely puzzled at which team was which. I pretended to know who was who and nodded. "Ah, well good luck in the future."

* * *
The owner was not a drug dealer. He was not a money launderer. He was a run of the mill broke dick. Halli said that she's seen the owner play poker at one of the local card rooms just outside San Francisco. Ah, he's living the American Dream... leave an oppressive Middle East country, work your ass off to buy your own small business, drive around in a Detroit-made convertible, and then at the end of the day, empty out the cash register and drive to the closest casino to test your acumen at a card game against crazy Asian gamblers. Only in America.

As if being a degen sports bettor wasn't enough, he also had the fever for poker. If he had any skill, he'd be able to siphon off enough chips at the cash game tables to cover his sports betting loses, but the poker gods don't shine any love on him at all. Much like the sports betting gods, his prayers often go unheard and always unanswered. No wonder the owner sits behind the counter with a sullen grimace, like a man plotting revenge on the neighborhood bully who lit his puppy on fire.

I hatched a plan. By week 2 of the NFL season, I'd be booking bets for the owner. By the end of week 8, he'd lose so much money that I could go down to the store at any time and take anything off the shelf -- including the Patron. Is that what anyone wants in life? The freedom and power to walk into a store and take something without paying. Anyone can buy something with fiat currency. It takes a special circumstance to wield the sort of power like a druglord like Tony Montana or the hooligans from Goodfellas, and walk onto another man's property and take anything they want.

Of course, the main goal was to own the pink slip on his car by the end of the year and eventually own the store outright before the Superbowl.

What would I do with a bodega? I have no fucking clue, but the idea was so fucking crazy that I had to give it a shot.

And no. I didn't think about losing. If Las Vegas taught me anything it's that the house always wins. Always. Degenerate sports bettors will always be who they are. It's in their DNA. They've been conditioned by society to think that chumps are the working stiffs, and that they are the ones really living on the edge. No matter how much they win, they'll eventually donk it back off. The house always wins. Casino owners pad their pockets with every day addictions. It might take a couple of weeks, it might take a couple of years, but over the long haul, it's nearly impossible to out run the juice laying 11/10. Shit, it's a tough battle even if you're getting reduced rake at certain online sportsbooks. Bottom line it's a daunting task to remain a winning sports bettor over time.

Investing isn't that easy. If it were, the guys down on Wall Street wouldn't have to bend the elasticity of rules or put politicians in power to create new rules to make their crimes "legal." The financial services industry is so corrupt that very few people think twice about breaking so many rules to make a buck, and if by chance their outrageous bets shit the bed, then can simply ~~extort~~ ask the government for handouts (at taxpayers' expense) when they eventually go busto.

But grinding out an income as a bookie? As the saying goes, "It's a hard way to make an easy living."

I Didn't Know I Was That Far Gone

2011-10-21T16:20:00.006-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

"I didn't know I was that far gone."

I barely remember the Main Event because I was so hopped up on Oxycontin (a.k.a Hill Billy heroin) that I was floating fourteen feet off the ground while the field spliced and diced it's way down from 6,865 to the November Nine. I had no fucking clue what was going on inside the Amazon Ballroom -- everyone was crying in the press box, someone who looks like Justin Beiber handed me pills every half hour, Seth Palansky gave me fuzzy slippers, a loud French dude in pink hair went deep, I couldn't find fucking Benjo or Matt Maranz, all these drunks on the rail screamed Phil Collins songs, and I was pretty sure the greys from Zeta Reticuli had invaded Earth because we were playing the featured TV table inside the Mothership.

Seriously, how schwasted was I? AlCantHang and I were betting on baseball. Every. Fucking. Day.

I didn't know I was that far gone.

It's obvious that I neglected Tao of Poker over the last few months. The watershed moment was the car accident in Vegas on the morning of Day 1B of the World Series of Poker Main Event. I told my friends it was just a fender bender because I didn't want them to worry, but it was more severe than I led on. I probably should have departed Vegas and returned to LA to heal, but I was foolish and my whale-sized ego took over and I refused to leave. Instead, I ate a fist full of pharmies and shoved an ice pack down my crotch. I became a sad and decrepit sight, limping around the Amazon Room like a prize fighter seven years past his prime. My coverage on Tao of Poker suffered. It was abysmal. Someone should have shot me on the spot and put me out of my misery. But I had too much pride to leave and gutted out the remainder of the Main Event.

I fled Vegas as soon as I could. After a near-death experience (and the second crash in three years) the last thing I wanted to do was think about Vegas or poker.

The accident made me do something I should have taken a couple of years before -- take a long extended break. My body needed to heal. My mind needed to heal. But more importantly, I had to take a step back to see things for how they really were, and not what they looked like inside the echo chamber. The entire world was on the brink of collapse -- Japan was swimming in radiation soup, the U.S. was engaged in three wars with a fourth with Iran on its way, Greece went busto threatening a European financial meltdown, the Arab Spring was underway as revolutions were sweeping through Africa in the Middle East, which in turn had a ripple effect that you're seeing happening right now all over America in the Occupy Wall Street movement. But you'd barely know about anything about the real world and any substantial socio-political chatter inside the Fellini-esque grotesquerie of poker.

It has taken a while, but I'm emerging out of my hiatus after I moved to San Francisco, began writing a sci-fi screenplay, and started fanning the flames of revolution. Along the way, I had to ween myself off a proclivity to pain pills and had to momentarily postpone my return to freelance writing and poking my head back into the echo chamber to see if anything has changed. Luckily, I have an awesome girlfriend, cool brother, and understanding clients, business partners, readers, colleagues, family and friends -- all of whom knew I needed a break to heal, to slow down, catch my breath, and take time off from the insane restless work/travel schedule including the nonstop party scene while jumping back and forth between poker and music.

The good news is that I cleaned up in time to cast my vote for the Poker Hall of Fame and to attend the November Nine. The return trip to Vegas is huge for a few reasons, mainly because I was morbidly afraid to go back to the city where I almost died. Twice. I had panic attacks at the thought of booking my travel. I even turned down a few assignments to cover other events in Vegas over the last few months because I was afraid to go back. I associated the city with... death. But, I'm finally worked up enough courage to take a leap of faith. Besides, I'm not driving and flying instead.

But it's that pesky ego of mine that wants to finish what I started -- the 2011 WSOP. The Tao of Poker's Oxy-induced diarrhea that passed for Main Event coverage floundered because of the accident. I'm better than that. Much better. You and I both know it, but thanks for being understanding and sympathetic.

So that's the good news. No more excuses. It's time to finish what I started. It's the least I could to to everyone who supported me over the years, especially the last few months.

By the way, the title to this post is a lyric to one of my favorite songs. The hardest part about being you is lack of perspective. It's not easy to take a step back and see things as they truly are. As a result, you never know how far off the reservation you've gone until it's too late. If you've attended an AA or Gambler's Anonymous meeting, you'll hear a bevy of horrific stories about people who had bad beats in life and allowed their past to lead them to a future of nothingness. At the same time, you'll hear those "I never know how great I had it until it was too late" swan songs. Regardless of the route everyone took, they all ended up in the same place -- rock bottom. It's not until you pick yourself out of the gutter until you realize, "I didn't know I was that far gone."

I love poker, but the past few years my passion developed into a love-hate relationship that focused more on the hate side. If you've ever been in a bad marriage or relationship, well that's what happened to me. It got fucking ugly. Like Sid and Nancy kind of ugly. We were both on a path of self-destruction and playing a foolish game of "chicken" while deciding which one was going to jump off the edge of the abyss. I was one step away from lying slumped on the shoddy carpet of a blood-splattered room in the Chelsea Hotel.

Me and poker? Peas and carrots. We seemed like a match made in heaven. But what the fuck happened? Well if you haven't read Lost Vegas, then I encourage you to do so. But it's a similar tragedy that has happened to so many things/events/people/industries that it was inevitable that poker's story arc would reveal itself within my journey. My problem? I got too greedy and stuck around for a little longer than I should have. I always had an exit strategy and I should have went with my gut and skipped the 2011 WSOP (or as I originally planned -- to only cover the Main Event). If I had covered a shortened series, then I never would have gotten into an accident in Las Vegas and totaled my girlfriend's car.

If you believe it... then things happen for a reason. If you don't, then it doesn't matter. We live in a chaotic, random universe.

The gambling gods have a sense of humor. I cite every Pai Gow session as proof. But, if you believe in God or a higher being, then he/she/it/the Creator spared my life that fortunate morning and decided it wasn't my time to go. I've been trying to figure out why I've been given a second chance. It's been an exhausting summer searching for answers both spiritually and philosophically. If you been following any of my side projects, you might have a clue into what I've been doing with myself.

I didn't know that I was that far gone. See you in Vegas in two weeks.

Flashback: Exile On Main Street (2006)

2011-10-13T16:20:00.004-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Editor's Note: On the 5th anniversary of Bush 2.0 sealing online poker's fate with the signing of the UIGEA, I want to share something I wrote five years ago. This appeared on Tao of Poker on 10/9/06.

* * *

"Just for grins I shoved a hot pepper up my ass while I was jerking off. Pretty hot, but not hot enough to not try it yourself." - Daddy

I was 22 when Jerry Garcia died on August 9, 1995. I had the day off from work and went to see a rare weekday Yankees game with my buddy Jerry who was in town on summer vacation from law school. We got drunk, smoked a joint in stairwell in left field, and watched Cal Ripken smash two home runs as the Yankees lost.

After the game I stopped by the Metropolitan Museum of Art to meet up with my girlfriend at the time. That's when I found out about the news of Jerry Garcia's passing. Less then two months earlier, I met Jerry Garcia and shook his hand (which eleven years later still marks one of my Top 10 Moments of All Time along with getting a blowjob on the subway and finishing my first novel).

Some older hippies and Deadheads that I know said, "The 1960s officially ended when Jerry Garcia died." For many fans the news was devastating. The music of the Grateful Dead was not just for teenagers. As they band evolved and got older, so too did the audience. The death of their icon and hero affected not just kids but former hippies who integrated into society. They had jobs, families, and mortgages and the day Jerry Garcia died marked a void for many of them.

The Grateful Dead were followed all around the world by it's fervent fans. Some never left tour while others jumped on and off as the drove around the country checking out shows in different cities. When Jerry Garcia died, not only did the music stop but so did the essential purpose for many individuals. Their entire lives revolved around the Grateful Dead touring. That included not just fans, but also people who worked and earned a living in the Dead's bubble such as roadies, management, and merchandise vendors. Most of the hippies following the Dead from city to city paid their way by vending in the parking lot. Most of them lived in their cars, vans, and VW buses and sold enough stuff to buy gas, food, and a ticket to the next show. When Jerry Garcia died, an entire subculture plunged into confusion. They never had conventional jobs and found themselves at a crossroads of uncertainty, confusion, and grief.

The immediate result for the passing of Jerry Garcia and the eventual break up of the Grateful Dead also meant that there was a void to be filled. Even Rolling Stone magazine printed up a list of bands that would take the torch from the Dead. In fact several of those bands benefited financially and commercially from Jerry Garcia's death. Without the Dead to follow around, bands like Widespread Panic, Dave Matthews Band, and Phish eventually inherited the fans, the suits, and the hippie vendors hawking their wares in the parking lot of their concerts. Their careers were advanced by the death of Jerry Garica.

Even I took advantage of the nomadic lifestyle in the late 1990s. I spent most of 1999 following Phish all over North America seeing concerts in 19 different states and 26 different cities including two in Canada. I got by selling whatever I could in the parking lots to get by whether it was tickets, pharmies, or t-shirts. Even my girlfriend at the time sold hemp jewelry or veggie burritos in order to earn enough money to buy a ticket for that night's show and have enough money left over to buy beer and gas so we can drive to the next city and repeat the process all over again.

In 2004 when Phish broke up, there was another void to be filled and several other bands benefited from the rabid subculture. Some hippies grew old and others cut their hair and got real jobs while a new crop of prep school kids or frat and sorority girls joined the mix to keep the monster going. They voraciously drink, ingest drugs, and will party to dawn. They love music and will travel thousands of miles to see a concert. Plus they'll spend money... and money is what keeps the monster going.

Twenty years from now they'll be some new band that kids will follow around religiously like I did with the Dead in college and Phish in my mid/late 20s. Why? Because that's what some people are into. They want to escape from the bitter realities of the actual world and feel connected to something/someone even if it's for a few hours.

I saw what happened to the hippie subculture in a post-death Jerry Garcia world and that's the closest comparison that I can come up with the recent legislation that tweaks the legality of online poker. Within a few days of Party Poker announcing their pull out of the American market, other sites such as Full Tilt and Poker Stars said they'd stay. They're filling the void and billions of dollars in rake and tournament fees will go into their bank accounts instead of Party Gaming.

Online poker is not dead. Yet. Even though the party got busted up, people still want a fix. Ever go to one of those huge suburban parties in high school and the entire place is jumping and you're about to declare the festivities were epic enough to be awarded Party of the Year... and then the cops come and bust it up? Mostly everyone leaves and goes home, but a few diehards stay around and drink the rest of the keg. I'm gonna be one of those guys.

For the past week, I've read the collective narcissistic psychodramas on everyone's blogs regarding the death of online poker and Black Monday or Black Friday. And depending on who your read, the future is dim and dark or bright and rosey. I think that the future falls somewhere in between. The news is not that bad, but it's not good either.

The post-apocalyptic poker world will not have mutant kids with three eyes running around and Jesus Freaks jumping out of the bushes spraying Holy Water onto the faces of hedonists. I don't think black helicopters will land in your cul de sac and the federales will whisk you away if they find you playing an SNG on Poker Stars and ship you in a secret CIA prison in Djibouti where they'll fry your testicles with car batteries and rip out your fingernails with rusty pliers before they toss you into a 10 by 10 cell with a fingernailess zealot named Ahmed who has a tattoo of "Death to America" written in Farsi on his forehead.

Or maybe they will?

Poker players are gamblers at heart and some will take risks to maintain their fix. The world is filled with greedy people and they'll be several ruthless companies who'll flip the bird to the American courts and lawmakers that will take risks to gain access to the subculture of online poker players.

Then I look at a place like my hometown of New York City and try to figue out the future. Without online poker, the demand for new poker rooms and underground clubs will increase dramatically. Some daring entrepreneurs will open up new clubs and the players will come in droves. Whichever ethnic mafia running rooms is about to make a shitload of money in the Big Apple. Of course the police will have to get involved and spend time shutting down the rooms, just like cops in the 1920s busted up bathtub gins and speakeasies.

The right-wingers who were in favor of the anti-online poker legislation pulled out the terrorist card and said that online gambling sites can be a haven for terrorists to launder money. But by banning online poker, the NYPD will have to exhaust their already limited resources on busting up poker games rather than focusing on protecting our city from terrorists... which we're severely under-prepared. Instead of cops breaking up terror cells, they'll be wasting their time keeping my brother, F Train, and The Rooster out of poker clubs in Chinatown. By trying to make our nation safer... the suits in Washington made my city more vulnerable.

Politicians don't care about the people. They only care about themselves. Same goes for corporations. If it comes down to a choice between you or them... they'll cut the rope every time and let you fall to your death. That's the way it is and that's why I've lost my passion for politics. It's not apathy but ultimately realizing that we don't live in a true democracy and we don't have freedom of choice but the illusion of freedom and choice. We can vote out the politicians currently in office, but they'll be replaced with a new group of lying scumbags that will sell your kids to the highest bidder if it meant they'll get another term in office.

That's why I don't see a revolutionary change happening in America. Not just with poker but with everything else surrounding the eroding civil liberties of Americans. Here's my reasoning... my peers in Generation X and the kids born after me are spoiled, lazy, dumbass little shitheads. We're overly selfish, hypersensitive, and too self-centered. We don't have the vision or the passion to evoke a world wide change like the baby boomers did in the 1960s. The hippies were better educated and organized. They believed in a better way and a brighter future. They put themselves on the line and for a while, the people in power got spooked the fuck out.

Most of the Americans that I know are more concerned with watching TV and buying stuff rather than hitting the streets to protest en masse. Some might write up whiny diatribes on their blogs or write nasty letters to their congressman, but after their little rants they'll never leave the couch or their cubicle to actually do something. We're a nation of apathetic scared fatasses and we're going to continue to let scrupulous politicians and multinational corporations dictate policy. Me included.

And the other reason I don't think my generation can undertake a social change is because the hippies failed. Even John Lennon admitted, "Flower power did not work. We need to try something different."

The 1960s saw the great minds, leaders, and visionaries trying to lead a charge against the political machines with millions of disgruntled citizens ready to make some changes. And in the end, it didn't work. The Man won. Black and white images from the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago or Kent State in 1970 should be all the proof that you need to see that in the end The Man will do anything possible to stay in power, which includes beating and killing their own citizens.

After the hippies got their heads full of Owsley's liquid sunshine bashed in a few times by the cops, they eventually stopped protesting. That's when militant groups sprung up like the Blank Panthers. I'm waiting for a militant group of poker bloggers to form a united front and start fire bombing the campaign headquarters of major political figures but that will never happen. We can't even get ten bloggers to agree on the same weekend to have a convention, let alone formulate any sort of social change and revolution.

I've traveled around the world enough and extensively throughout America to honestly say that this is an amazing country but our leaders are war mongering pimps selling our souls to suits in a boardroom somewhere. Sure there are places like Barcelona or Samui where I'd like to live for a while, but at some point I'd get homesick and want to return to America particularly New York City. Then again, I technically didn't grow up in America as Spalding Gray explained, "New York City is a small island off the coast of America."

As is, I'm an expatriate living in America. I finally understand the reference by The Rolling Stones... "exile on Main Street."

Monday Nugs: Screwed Up Full Tilt, Blessed Cheaters, Bots, White Knigts, and Russian Broke Dicks

2011-10-10T16:20:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

It's Monday and time for a few heady nuggets to keep you busy today. If you have the day off, then that's awesome, enough the day of rest. If not, enough these blurbs while you're killing time in the cube...

Smooth Criminal: I love it when Scandi philosophers delve deep into the big questions of the universe. In this case, Kim wonders "why do we cheat so much?" in thought-provoking essay titled Blessed Art the Cheaters.That brings me back to something I've always said -- "We're all criminals." It's innate in humans. We're creatures who have bucked the system and shot angles since the first time Adam attempted to pluck the forbidden fruit off the Tree of Life. Some of cheat more than others in life, but whenever large sums of money are around, you'll find a higher percentage of angle shooters. Case in point: poker, drugs, and Wall Street. (Infinite Gaming Edge)

Knights in White Satin: Snoopy weighs in on the Full Tilt Poker situation with Tom Dwan: A Knight in Shining Armour. You have to read this post because of three reasons... 1) Snoppy declares "durrrr" as the only white knight in the FT not-paying-its-players-back scandal, 2) Snoopy writes funny using "u" in words like armour, and 3) Snoopy is one of my favourite writers... see what I did there? (Black Belt Poker)

Paint It Black: So... how did Things Become So Screwed Up With Full Tilt Poker? My colleague and former FT employee gives his opinion on how things imploded in the Full Tilt universe. (Bill's Poker Blog)

Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots: Shamus wants to know... To Bot or Not to Bot? That is the question. Bots are bad right? That's what all of the Terminator movies taught me -- that at some point the poker bots will join SkyNet and fire nukes on humanity. Then again, what is the difference between a bot and a total nit? Nits won't blow shit up, unless they get stacked on a wicked bad beat, then they'll blow up a 2p2 thread. (Hard-Boiled Poker)

Broke in the USSR: Gotta love a rags to riches to rags story. Poor kid grinds out roll playing online poker. Kid wins Sunday Million. Blows it all that night playing high stakes SNG. Kid now being made fun of by the Entities. (Wicked Chops Poker)

And yes, part of the reason I haven't been writing about poker is because I've been helping stir up a revolution when I haven't been fear mongering. I encourage you to check out the Monday Morning Red Pill, which is the Tao of Fear's version of the Monday Nugs. In the latest version of the Red Pill, we discuss bleach fights among Walmart customers, potential WWIII with China, the real skinny on nuclear meltdown in Japan, the impending financial collapse of Europe, and more evidence that America is becoming a police state. If you don't follow @TaoFear on Twitter, then what are you waiting for?

Superstitions, Jinxes, and River Rats

2011-10-05T16:20:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

I'm always afraid to write about baseball because I don't want to be a jinx. No one wants to be a jinx and become a social outcast and pariah, like the weird kid in grammar school who everyone avoided at lunch time because he smelled like cat piss.

Baseball is a game wrapped in superstitions, jinxes, rituals. Babe Ruth was an unlanced boil on the collective arses of New Englanders for almost a century. Even Red Sox third baseman Wade Boggs ate fried chicken before every game and if he didn't he was doomed to go 0-5 at the plate, so he made sure he ate fried chicken -- no matter what. During winning streaks, players won't wash their uniforms or socks. Players won't step on the foul lines when running off the field. And everyone in the dugout doesn't even talk about or recognize a no-hitter when it's happening.

Superstitions are utterly stupid, because once you give in to a superstition, your life becomes ruined because you become enslaved by your biggest fears of breaking whatever ritual you created to make yourself feel less anxious. Yet, I only adhere to one -- I never carry around $50 bills. Grubby told me about it in 2004 when I first got into playing poker in casinos. Since then I refuse to touch $50s and if one crosses my path, I get rid of it as soon as possible.

I used to have another ritual which occurred whenever I traveled. A quick back story -- I have a recurring nightmare that I die in a plane crash -- so, to assuage my fears, I rap my closed right hand on the outside of the plane just above the doorway before I enter and I'm greeted by the flight attendants. I dunno when that ritual started, but I stopped doing it a couple of years ago. So if/when I die in a plane crash, I don't want that added extra pressure following me into the afterlife because I didn't quell any superstitions before I stepped onto the plane.

I'm supposed to smart enough to know that whatever I do will alter the future, as much as I'd like to think I can affect the outcome of a game or prevent a plane crash. Even though I know my actions, like writing about the Yankees on my blog, won't affect the game, I have been silent for a few weeks because I don't want to be bogged down with guilt that I jinxed the Yanks. No one wants to be a jinx.

As my buddy Joe Speaker proclaimed, "Jinxes are true. You and I and the American People know it's not true, but it really is."

Yeah, I don't want the jinx label, but I also won't adhere to any sports-related superstitions, which is why I still wear my Yankees visor backwards when they're in desperate need of a hit. Some cautious habits never die, even if it's a silly superstition. You know, hokey religions with light sabres and shit. Then again rally hats are waaaaaaay more inventive than that fucking insane cracked-up Rally Monkey that the L.A. Angels of Anaheim uses to fire up the crowd.

I hate to be known as a jinx among my sporting peers, because some of the most random people are slaves to superstitions, especially die-hard sports fans. Oh, and how can I forget about hard-core superstitious annoying-as-shit sports bettors?

I know, because I'm one who grows more and more superstitious and intense whenever there's sums of money on the line. Take this summer for example -- I was covering the WSOP in Las Vegas during the NBA playoffs leading up to the Finals against Miami. I had bet big on the Dallas Mavericks to win the entire Championship along with individual bets on each game they played en route to the title. I watched one game with AlCantHang at McFadden's Pub (formerly the Tilted Kilt) inside the Rio Casino. I never go to that joint anymore after the Tilted Kilt left, yet we had to watch the game there due to lack of space in the sportsbook and adjoining bar, which were packed with fans and bettors. Alas, I went to the pub with Al because we had no other alternative... yadda, yadda, yadda.... the Dallas Mavs came from behind wins (and covering the spread) in one of the most exhilarating games I had sweated in a very long time.

I made some good coin that day and thus, a new superstition was born. For the rest of the series, I wanted to watch every game with Al at McFadden's.

Sweating the NBA playoffs at McFadden's
with AlCantHang and Michele the Cougar
The one time we broke the streak and skipped McFadden's, the Mavs didn't cover (incidentally, when I watched Game 7 of the NHL playoffs with my colleague Lance, my bet on Vancouver shit the bed because Al wasn't with me!). As much as I know that neither myself, Al, or McFadden's will affect how many three pointers Dirk Nowitzki will drill or how many fouls the refs will call -- I still wanted to cover my ass and placate any potentially superstitions that induce a spike in sport betting anxiety. That means sometimes giving in to superstitions -- whether it's wearing a "rally cap" or watching a game in the same place with the same people.

I guess that's why I saved any baseball commentary for the infamous "NYC sports thread" -- an email thread with a small group of NYC sports fans that includes my brother, college buddy Jerry, and da Rooster, that has been running for few years now specializing in topics on all things sports in New York City -- lots of Yankees, Knicks and Jets chatter with a smattering of Miami Hurricanes football, hockey, boxing, trying to pick up Latina women on the subway, UFC, and English soccer.

Yesterday, if you polled the universe, I don't think not too many people had an inkling of faith in AJ Burnett. The locker room prankster is beloved among his teammates, but he's struggled down the stretch. AJ was scheduled to take the mound in Game 4 against the Detroit Tigers with the Yankees down 2-1 in a five-game series , and on the verge of being eliminated from the playoffs. All hopes rested upon the shoulders (more so the right arm of their weakest link in the chain) of AJ, who once achieved perfection ten years ago when he tossed a no-hitter, but his best days were way behind him. As a degen gambler, I frequently bet the OVER (combined run totals) in AJ's games and never dared betting on the Yanks whenever it was his turn in the rotation. I had no faith in him during the season and had even less confidence in the playoffs.

Even my mother, who is nothing close to being a religious person, knew the writing was on the wall with AJ on the slate to pitch. She all but declared the Yankees dead on arrival at the start of Game 4 and sent me a text message stating the only hope the Yanks had was to "pray for them."

Wow. When a native of the Bronx is looking for spiritual help, you know it's a bleak.

That text stunned me. My mother had not-so-secret disdain for AJ Burnett. I'd estimate that 75% of the text messages she sent me over the last two years occurred on days when AJ pitched and usually resembled something like... "AJ sucks."

No one had confidence in AJ. The bookies in Vegas set the line with Yankees as the dog. Yanks fans, even the most diehards, had little to no faith in AJ. We all prepared for the worst,. The bookies. My mother. Everyone calling into the Mike and the Mad Dog radio show. The guys in my email thread. Even me.

The wiseguys in Vegas bet the Yankees, because they love betting dogs in the playoffs, especially on a veteran team that was on the brink of elimination. Even with AJ on the mound, they bet the Yankees anyway. That takes huge balls from my perspective as a fan -- but they viewed the situation differently -- AJ would be on a short leash and Girardi would yank him before the game got really ugly, and at some point it would come down to the Tigers bullpen holding off an offensive surge from the Yanks in the late innings. I had a similar outlook, which I told my brother yesterday morning, that I had a feeling that AJ would get rocked early on and eventually get yanked in the second inning after giving up two runs, before Phil Hughes put out the fire and pitched five solid innings in relief as Yanks rallied and came from behind to win 7-4.

Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.

Curtis Granderson bailed out AJ Burnett big time with the bases loaded. If Granderson doesn't catch up and chase it down that fly ball for the crucial third out to thwart a Tigers rally in the first inning, then the Yanks are looking at a deficit of 2-0 or potentially 3-0. At that point, the lynch mob would start chanting AJ's name and he'd be dead by the seventh inning stretch.

Right place, right time. Or as Yogi Berra succinctly stated -- "Hit 'em where they ain't."

But the ain't in that instance was Granderson on his horse making the the first of two sensational catches during his defensive patrol of centerfield (his second catch fro the 6th inning is pictured above). Granderson's outstanding catches symbolized the Yankees season, because he bailed them out in more ways than they'll ever know. Even if the Yanks lose game 5, Granderson put them in a position to advance to the next round.

After Granderson's first inning heroics, AJ Burnett should name his next kid after Granderson, or buy him a Lexus for Christmas, or pick up the tab to steak dinners every time they're on the road, because if Grandy doesn't make that catch in the first inning, then AJ Burnett gets whacked. He'd go missing for a few weeks, before his corpse was found floating in the East River, with chunks of his bloated face eaten up by river rats.

A Brief Letter to Full Tilt Poker: Fuck You, Pay Me

2011-09-30T04:20:00.001-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Dear Full Tilt Poker,

Fuck you. Pay me.

Sincerely,
Pauly

* * *
Update: Since the Frenchies just signed acquisition papers, I will re-publish my statement in French courtesy of my translator, Benjo...

Cher Full Tilt,

Rien à foutre. Tu paies!

Merci,
Pauly

Full Tilt Poker's License Revoked

2011-09-29T16:20:00.001-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Here's some recent developments in the recent Full Tilt Poker scandal (via the gang at Subject Poker)... Alderney Gambling Control Commission revoked Full Tilt's gaming license. Also, the DOJ released a statement about FTP, specifically regarding a possibility of the DOJ paying back players.

And this just in... Full Tilt released a new statement. More hot air.

And here's one of my favorite scenes from Syriana...

Hump Day Nugs: The Secret World of Hollywood Poker, Frenchy Full Tilt Investors, and Feel the Shame (a.k.a. Jesse May Calls Jesus a "Little Scumbag")

2011-09-28T16:20:00.004-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

How about some Hump Day nugs? These are heady, tasty, and will definitely distract you for a few moments while you eagerly countdown the hours until the weekend begins...

The Secret World of Hollywood Poker is a detailed account of the history of one of the biggest and most secretive underground games in the hills of Hollywood featuring Tinsel Town's most famous actors (Leo and the guy who played Spiderman and misspells my last name), industry heavyweights, and afew filthy-rich professional athletes (A-Roid). (Hollywood Reporter)

How Much Money Do French Investors Need to Buy Full Tilt Poker? That is a damn good question and los hombres are digging deep. I heard a rumor this summer than a Ruskie oil baron offered up $1 Billion and it was rejected. But now, a group of French investors led by Laurent Tapie, are eyeballing the site everyone now loves to hate. (Wicked Chops Poker)

Jesse May is the shit, and I'm not just saying that because he scored me a 12th row ticket to see Bob Dylan this summer. Anyway, Jesse's latest piece -- Feel the Shame -- is classic Jesse May with a little extra hot sauce. Wow. I've read it fourteen times and just... wow. And yes, Jesse called Jesus a scumbag. (Poker Farm)

How to Cheat Your Friends At Poker sounds like something written by Russ Hamilton! It's an awesome infographic by Sean Lind. Take a peek. (Silver Oak Casino)

I appeared as a guest panelist on Type II Cast, a podcast about the band Phish. Check out it out if you want to hear me pontificate about music as a talking head in the jamband scene. (Coventry Music)

That's it for now. You know the drill... NGTFOOMO!

Josh Axelrod's Gold Watch

2011-09-27T14:22:00.001-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

A couple of years ago I was at the Bellagio and Shaniac told me I should tell a story at a Moth Storytelling event. They storytelling sessions originated in New York City and had a couple of caveats -- no notes and the story had to be true. Los Angeles hosted a few Moth events from time to time, and back when Shaniac and I both lived in SoCal, we always said we'd hit one up. He told me the insane story he wanted to tell, while I had three or four of my own.

We never got the chance to attend a Moth event -- but I'm hoping we will someday. Live moves on. For different reasons we fled the sunny skies of Southern California and migrated north, and Shaniac crossed the border into the Great White North to continue his career as an online poker pro, while I settled in the foggy Bay Area to move onto the next stage of my writing career.

Last week, I loaded up the latest episode of the Moth podcast featuring Josh Axelrod, the author of Repeat Until Rich: A Professional Card Counter's Chronicle of the Blackjack Wars As a former card counter and poker player, Axelrod's story centers around his degen life as a distraught gambler amidst a horrid losing streak, particularly at the online poker tables.

"There are two things gamblers don't do," said Axelrod, "Get a real job and go to Gambler's Anonymous."

Click here to listen to Josh Axelrod's The Gold Watch.

Learn more about Moth Storytelling.

Absolute Morality and Full Tilt Ponzi Links

2011-09-22T13:11:00.004-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

It's been a wild 48 hours ever since the DOJ attached the pariah-like words "Ponzi Scheme" to their investigation into Full Tilt Poker. Whenever I have my mom waking me up with a frantic call, grilling me about if I was swindling money from people in that "Tilty Ponzi Poker"... then you know it's a big fucking story.

Anyway, here's a few items of note that you should check out...

Terrible Tuesday Podcast: F Train and Chops chat about Terrible Tuesday. (Wicked Chops Poker)

Full Tilt's New Brand Identity: More proof than my girlfriend is a better writer than I am with this gem Full Tilt's New Brand Identity: Ponzi Scheme. (Pot Committed)

A Poker Ponzi Scheme?: Writer Alec Wilkinson spent some time with Jesus and he shared some of his thoughts including one line that stood out..."The Justice Department people I spoke to were clearly burned at not being able to shut sites such as Full Tilt down." (The New Yorker)

Durrrr In the Well: Tom Dwan answers questions about Full Tilt Poker on the most famous poker forum in existence. (2+2)

What Does It Mean? Shamus had an excellent post about What Does Poker Mean Today? (Hard-Boiled Poker)

DOJ's Civil Complaint v. Full Tilt: Barry Carter and Matt Kaufman posted a thorough index of the complaint, which also includes a video of Tom "durrrr" Dwan on Fox Business News. (Poker Strategy)

Talk About Red Pros: More thought-provoking fodder from Shamus about Full Tilt and the DOJ. (Hard-Boiled Poker)

Where to Next? Bill Rini has some thoughts on the next step for Full Tilt Poker. (Bill's Poker Blog)

* * *
One day, you're the toast of the town, and the next day, you're kicked to the curb with yesterday's garbage.

Al Pacino pontificated about morality during an exquisite scene from David Mamet's masterpiece about shady real estate swindlers in Glengarry Glen Ross...

All train compartments smell vaguely of shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time. When you die you're gonna regret the things you don't do. You think you're queer? I'm gonna tell you something. We're all queer. You think you're a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheat on your wife, you did it. Live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There's an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, go ahead, be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. You think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won't live in it. That's me.

You can video that clip here...

Full Tilt Ponzi Poker

2011-09-20T19:11:00.006-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

PokerStars is looking a helluva lot like Wall Street giant JP Morgan, compared to Full Tilt Poker mirroring JT Marlin, the chop house investment firm in the film Boiler Room.

Unless you've been in a coma or trapped in a mine the last few weeks, the big news of the day -- the DOJ called out Full Tilt Poker as a global Ponzi Scheme. Man, I know something really bad happened in the poker realm when non-poker friends are emailing me Wall Street Journal articles, such as.... U.S. Alleges Full Tilt Poker Was Ponzi Scheme.

Ponzi scheme? Full Tilt Poker? Full Tilt Ponzi Poker.

Shouldn't the DOJ be knocking down doors of 200 West Street or 23 Wall Street and locking up the real career criminals responsible for the financial collapse of 2008 and bilking taxpayers for billions in bailouts?

While thousands of disgruntled Americans are protesting in the streets of the financial district in a movement called Occupy Wall Street, the DOJ is focusing their attention on Howard Lederer and Jesus Ferguson. It's not JP Morgan head vampire, Jamie Dimon, that the federales are after, but rather, public enemy number one, two, and three were a former computer geek and bookie who teamed up with a semi-successful day trader, Ray Bitar, to pull off the greatest incident of fraud in the poker realm with the inception of Full Tilt Ponzi Poker.

I knew Rush Poker was too good to be true.

Yeah, by now we know that some of the guys running Full Tilt Ponzi Poker were crooked greedheads from the get go, but then again many of us in the insulated online poker world thought we were untouchable and assumed manna was going to rain out of the heavens for the next decade. Maybe some of the management at Full Tilt wanted to clean shit up once regulation occurred, or maybe they never intended on cleaning things up and instead were hoping to dump the company for a sack of cash and gold bullion, then let the new owners worry about cleaning up the books?

Then again maybe, just maybe, the shysters at Full Tilt Ponzi Poker were over their heads and the Full Tilt Ponzi Scheme got too big, too fast, and they couldn't keep up with what was going on. The poker boom was a swift beast that swept through Las Vegas and sent shockwaves reverberating throughout the world. Even to this days, some places on the planet are experience aftershocks from the Moneymaker Effect -- over eight years later.

I've seen what excessive sums of money generated overnight does to people -- in Vegas, in Hollywood, on Wall Street -- it drives some people crazy, and makes others do horrible things. What exactly happened at Full Tilt Ponzi Poker? We'll never know. Maybe someday we'll find out, like the other mysteries of the world like who shot Kennedy and did aliens really build the Pyramids?

If you haven't read my initial thoughts on Black Friday, don't forget to take a peek at Black Friday, Vampire Squids, and 100 Masturbating Monkeys in Washington .

* * *

* * *
By the way, I'm starting a hedge fund in San Francisco. Who wants in?

Rocketman and Welcome to the Ice Palace

2011-09-13T15:33:00.001-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

"What the hell was that lunar stuff?"

"Huh?" I muttered waving a soupy cloud of smoke away from my face.

"You know," Big Dog gestured, "That strain the astronauts grew up on the space station?"

"Oh, the Lunar Kush. If you got stuck up in the international space station for months on end without anything to do, you bet your ass I'd grow my own weed. You couldn't smoke it because a lit match would blow the entire fucking station to smithereens, but I betcha they made a lot of ganja desserts. Where did you think the term -- space cake -- originated? The Lunar Kush."

"Ah... Lunar. Kush. Cosmic. Woof."

"Rocketman. You know that Elton John song? That's all about growing weed in space."

A long pause was broken by stoner-like laughter.

"I'm gonna be high as a kite by then..." I belted out in my best Elton John falsetto.

"Lunar Kush?"

"Yeah, you get the gist," I said as I shuffled the cards. "It's muthafucking cold in space. You gotta eat space cakes to keep you warm until you finally get to return to Earth."

* * * *
I've heard some of the most peculiar and fascinating conversations at a poker table. At the Imperial Palace in Vegas, I almost saw two guys come to blows over an innocuous chat about labor unions. At the Taj in Atlantic City, I got bogged down in a discussion on where exactly Roman centurions hammered nails into Christ's hands during the Crucifixion. One guy said all the iconography and crosses in Church were inaccurate -- because you couldn't hang a person with a nail through each hand because the weight of the body would rip the flesh off the nails. He insisted they nailed Christ through a spot in between a couple of major bones below the wrists. That conversation lasted a hour. The Jesuits at my high school would've been pleased that I held my own during a post-modern symposium debunking of crucifixions.

The conversations in my new home game are a hodge podge mainly because of the eclectic nature of the players. A city like San Francisco is filled with unique people from all over the spectrum and Halli's home game is representative of the diverse nature of my new city. Her game has been running on and off for over seven years -- just around the time Chris Moneymaker became poker's messiah -- and on Monday nights you could always count on a game being played in the back of the Ice Palace hosted by Halli and her brother, Skye.

Why the Ice Palace?

Because it's fucking cold, cold, cold. It's like stepping into a freezer. The back of Halli's ridiculously spacious apartment could be used to store a month's worth of steaks for Peter Luger's. She lives on the entire floor one of those picturesque Victorians that are synonymous with San Francisco. Change100 and I were thisclose to moving to Colorado this autumn when Halli offered us a sweet deal to share her apartment in the Slums of Pacific Heights. My girlfriend fell in love with the place and any thing was better than living in Vegas or hellacious Los Angeles, so we jumped at the chance to stay with Halli for a couple of months. In addition to a kick ass apartment, we also inherited a weekly home game. Hence, the Ice Palace.

Sure, I have an itch for online poker, but online poker is antisocial in nature and often feels more like playing a video game. I stopped playing video games (er, Tiger Woods golf and chess) in favor of online poker because I felt if I was going to waste my time zoning out at a computer screen, then I might as well make some money at it. I was never good enough at chess to hustle for dime bags in Washington Square Park, and in real life I've only broken 100 once on a golf course. Once I realized I lacked the necessary passion, skills and discipline to become a true professional poker player, I found a regular day job whoring myself out to various tentacles of the murky online poker industry (disguised as "media outlets") to pay my bills and support my art, and looked at online poker as a profitable hobby to help pay for my insatiable desire to travel and do cool things with friends. But ever since the inception of the UIGEA and the subsequent "pulling of the plug" on Black Friday, the broke-dick used car salesmen in DC insist that online poker is the root of all evil, just like running with scissors or wearing white pants after Labor Day. Without online poker, I'm bummed out that I have to turn to live sports betting (don't even think about online sports books, because the DOJ is in the corner gunning for you!) and make trips to Vegas sports books to help fund my addiction to traveling and music, but part of me doesn't actually miss the vacant feeling of sitting alone in the dark, worshipping the muted glow of multiple LHE tables, which induced frothing Pavlovian responses to the slightest alert sounds.

I'm still enraged with the cowardly political decisions that prevent me from exercising my right to liberty and pursuit of happiness by playing online poker, however, I don't actually miss the physical act of playing online poker. I was never that obsessed with online poker that I'd relocate to Canadia to play. But if I was a sensational MTT player like Shaniac or Matt Stout, you bet your ass I would've set up shop overseas within 90 days of the introduction of the UIGEA. There's a part of me that wants to be able to place sports bets on Pinnacle or The Greek, so I entertained the thought of re-locating to Vancouver (they have great nugs there and too many civilians are dying in Mexico because of the atrocities of the [losing] War on Drugs, but that's a whole other series of posts that would be better suited for an in-depth report on Tao of Fear). But at this point, I'd rather rent a lake house on Tahoe and make a short trip to Reno or Stateline to bet on football and hoops.

I don't have an itch for online poker, but I deeply missed playing social poker on a weekly basis. It's funny in a sad way (like when a alcoholic clown dies of liver cancer), that the original attraction to poker for me was the social element and interaction with opponents in an egalitarian way, but one of my favorite past times got ruined because my work/play worlds collided and all of a sudden the lines were blurred between two opposing aspects of my life that I should have walled off from each other. I was foolish and thought I could mix the two, but as a result, the toxic concoction nearly killed me in more ways than one.

I lived the cliche -- one day after a couple of years on the circuit, I woke up and realized poker wasn't fun anymore. What used to be fun had become a job, and by all definitions jobs suck. It happens to all of us at some point -- whether you're teachers or chefs -- you have a passion for something like teaching or cooking, but all of a sudden society thrusts labels on you as the responsibilities grow exponentially and instead of an educator or a cook, you're now a Sixth Grade Science Teacher or Executive Sous Chef. You quickly forget about the passion that used to flicker inside you like a raging volcano, and you've become like every other working class stiff who loathes their job and constantly watches the clock tick down to the precise moment they can act like Fred Fucking Flintstone and run down the tail of a brontosaurus to get the fuck out of the gravel pits and race to the closest bar where you celebrate happy hour by soaking your brain in cheap booze while you grovel with other malcontents about how much everything sucks.

When I lived in Los Angeles, I hated going out to bars infested with douchebags and Snookis. Change100 and I always wanted to host a home game, but everyone who played wouldn't be able to get ripped to the tits because they'd have to drive home, and if you live in LA, then you know that "parking" is a fucking deal breaker, especially in our neighborhood of the Slums of Beverly Hills, which had no available parking so we were shit out of luck with a home game. That's part of the reason why I enjoyed hosting Saturdays with Dr. Pauly on PokerStars to have some semblance of a weekly gathering with friends to hang out, bullshit, and have a blast without worrying about carrying around the weight of the world's problems.

I entered the traveling circus as a member of the poker media, which meant that I leapt out of the "normal linear life" that many of you lead, and accepted a life of constant movement and uncertainty. Once I left NYC in the Spring of 2005 to move to Las Vegas to cover my first WSOP with Flipchip, I essentially kissed a regular home game goodbye. In the last six years or so whenever I heard the intro to Monday Night Football, I always had flashbacks to the Blue Parrot, the Midtown location of the weekly Monday game. Our host Ferrari always made sure the football game was always on in the background. I met a couple of amazing people at Ferrari's weekly home game like F Train, Ugarte, Coach, Swish... just to name a few. It's also where I met the infamous Dawn Summers -- and I almost spit out my entire Red Stripe on the table when she frowned upon playing Stud and begged to play "that game with the floppy thing in the middle."

That was then. The Ice Palace is now. I've played a few times and on one evening we had two tables of players with a waiting list. I expect to write more about our weekly hijinks in the upcoming months. I sincerely missed playing in a regular home game and I even missed writing about the highlights the next morning. When I first started playing at Ferrari's in 2004, I recapped the games on Tao of Poker, mostly for the regulars in the game to share a few laughs and talk smack. For the dozen or so readers I had at the time, I gave them a glimpse into my Monday night madness. I'm hoping I can kick it old school and return to where it all began.

Life flew by in the last seven years and I encountered so many rapid changes both personally and professionally that I really lost touch with the original poker fire inside of me. I'm hoping that some time in San Francisco can help me get reacquainted with one of my former passions. And if it doesn't, then so be it. I can't resist change, I can only adjust to the changing conditions. The Taoists and Zen Buddhists have a saying... Life is like water -- it can flow, or it can crash. Surrender to the flow.

Rick Perry vs. Teddy KGB

2011-09-12T15:33:00.001-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

While reading up on a bit of political fodder at Rolling Stone (penned by Matt Taibbi, one of the best political writers in America), I stumbled across an interesting and chuckle-inducing Rounders reference. Taibbi even linked up a video of the infamous scene when Mike McD takes on Teddy KGB during a heads-up match in the third act of Rounders.

Here's Taibbi's introduction paragraph to Rick Perry's Social Security Extremism...

Presidential debates aren't often interesting, but last night's GOP "standoff" was – a little bit, anyway. It was a little like that final scene in Rounders where Matt Damon draws cowboys and takes out half of Teddy KGB's stack on the first hand. The field did the same thing to Perry last night, taking out one of his legs in his coming-out party.

I never thought I'd hear Rick Perry and Teddy KGB mentioned in the same breath, but that's why I'm a huge fan of Taibbi -- because you never know what sort of pop culture reference he'll use to help demonstrate his point.

By the way, if either Rick Perry and Michele Bachman inch closer toward an actual GOP nomination for the White House, I'd love to jump on their press corp and cover the campaign. I gave up writing about politics a long time ago (back when I actually thought the "people" actually had a say in how they were governed before I realized we're just a bunch of fucking monkeys on a grinder throwing shit at each other, while those in power hand out big sacks of cash to professional degen gamblers on Wall Street who go busto and get bailed out by taxpayers). Yeah, I'm a long, long shot to get press credentials, but you never know, because I never thought I'd become a poker reporter, but I went from watching final tables on TV while sitting on my brother's couch to sitting in the front row. So, anything can happen. This is America, after all, right? I have a legit shot as long as there is no... ahem... drug test, because I think it'll be awesome to eat a shitload of pharmies and follow around the GOP contender for a few months as they zig zag across the country preaching fiscal responsibility to angry Tea Party survivalists, and then trying to steal away votes from jaded, moderate Americans who feel duped by Obama's vision of hope and change. As is, I'm just going to keep an eye on the circus from a far until my number is called.

In the meantime, I spent all of my summer vacation embedded with hippies in more ways than one. You can read all about some of the hijinks...

8.5.11 - Gorge Quickies Night 1 (George, WA)
8.6.11 - Gorge Quickies Night 2 (George, WA)
8.8.11 - Hollyweird Bowl (Los Angeles, CA)
8.15.11 - UIC 1 - Monday Night En Fuego (Chicago, IL)
8.16.11 - UIC 2 - Chicago Disease, Gimps, and Golden Heat (Chicago, IL)
8.17.11 - UIC 3 - Tweaker City (Chicago, IL)
9.2.11 - The S Show (Denver, CO)
9.3.11 - Diseasetweeze (Denver, CO)
9.4.11 - Ghost-Forget (Denver, CO)

I have one more quick sojourn to Vermont for a Hurricane Irene charity benefit concert to report on this week, then it's back on the poker/gambling train. Until then...

Radio WCOOP Launched

2011-09-08T04:20:00.001-04:00

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Yesterday marked the debut of Radio WCOOP.

What the hell is that? Radio WCOOP is a "Morning Zoo" format starring Joe Stapleton and Nick Wealthall. Those two recap all the goodness and goofiness called the 2011 WCOOP.

You all know about WCOOP, it's that yearly tournament series on PokerStars that finally inspired a group of rogue Americans to re-locate overseas so they can get their online MTT fix. I don't blame them. I'm not what you would ever call an "online grinder" but I've been feeling the itch to play online poker the last few weeks. It's like have a limb amputated and you reach down to scratch... nothing.

Why the hell am I not living in Vancouver? They have awesome Chinese food, ~~an awesome NBA franchise~~, British Columbia's phinest herbs, plus I can play online poker legally and open a Pinnacle sportsbetting account. Well, shiiiiiiiit, if I didn't just move to San Francisco, I'd consider migrating to the Great White North.

Anyway, while American online pros scrambled to find residences in Costa Rica, Mexico, and Canada... the folks at PokerStars have been hard at work behind the scenes creating new facets of multimedia to keep you up to date with all the happenings in WCOOP. Earlier this year during SCOOP, they launched a daily highlights show and now, they went old school with a radio show.

If you are multilingual, or trying to bang exotic strippers, then Radio WCOOP will also be launched in other languages -- Russian, Spanish, and German. Wait, no French, WTF? That's Booshit!

For more details, visit the PokerStars Radio WCOOP page.

To listen to the debut episode of Radio WCOOP featuring the uber-chatty Daniel Negreanu, click here.

Hot Sauce

2011-08-24T14:29:00.005-04:00

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA

I was bored, so I put in the bet.

Sunday morning. I sat in the well-lit living room of what will soon be my apartment in San Francisco. My girlfriend was still sleeping and I had the entire place to myself. I sunk into the couch and tried to imagine what football season would be like in the new flat. One of the benefits of the narrow Victorian architecture was an elongated hallway, which ran the entire length of the building. Lots of space to pace when sweating bets.

The middle of August is one of the slowest time of the year for degenerates in American professional sports. The preseason football games had yet to begin and I craved a taste for action. Any action. I had not wagered on sports since I left Las Vegas. Although I fled Vegas as fast as I could, I logged a decent summer playing cash games (the Pokerati mixed game at the Palms was a blessing), but I made a killing riding the Mavericks' streak in the NBA playoffs and also fading the public's sentiment for the Heat in the Finals. I also dabbled in baseball courtesy of a system from AlCantHang, but that was all before the All Star break, before variance eventually caught up to us. By middle of the WSOP, I stopped visiting the sportsbook windows and sat on my NBA profit, which I eventually used to fund the move (from Los Angeles to San Francisco), and pay for trips to Colorado and Chicago.

A little taste.

I flipped through the cable stations and tried to familiarize myself with the channels. I'm not much of a TV junkie anymore, aside from watching a few reality shows about addictions (Hoarders and Intervention). I watch a shit ton of sports, but probably only watch about 50% of sports on actual TV with my laptop(s) picking up the rest of the slack. I have a theory that the ability to watch almost any sporting event online increases the chances of me betting on it.

I'm not addicted to the deviancy of betting to win money. Rather, I prefer the physical and visceral attributes of betting on sports which can only be achieved by watching the event as it unfolds in real time. I've sweated games via radio and constantly refreshing Gamecast -- and even those experiences don't compare to the physical stimulation I get when watching a game I bet on.

Then again, nothing can be more boring in life than watching two teams you don't care about. That's why fantasy sports added another reason to watch meaningless games. The primary reason I'm not that into soccer is that I maintain my distance to the sport because I'm afraid that if I catch the bug... then I'd get completely hooked on a sport that is always on. Soccer (er, football) is the most played sport on the planet (except pocket pool), so that means there's always a game on at any given time, and someone with a propensity to bet on sports like myself would lose his entire life savings if I showed any interest into soccer. As is, I only bet during the World Cup (I made a killing last year betting Spain as per a tip from Benjo) and whenever I'm hanging out with Brits for an extended amount of time and I tail their picks.

I love any sports you can wager on. Otherwise, if I'm forced to watch two random teams or a random sporting contest, then I find it utterly boring and completely meaningless. Ah, that's why I love proposition wagering because it's the gambler's hot sauce. Sprinkle it anywhere, and you have an extra spicy time -- from betting on where flies will land on a pile of shit, to betting on which bags come out first at airport baggage claim, to betting on the WNBA.

Hot sauce.

Anyway, so I feel your pain if you don't like sports, or only have a passion for a particular sport and you get stuck sweating games because your friends/family happens to love a different sport.

Example... the Pittsburgh Pirates. It was early in the baseball season and I was sweating a game on my girlfriend's iPad. She had no clue, but I bought an app with her credit card that allowed me to stream MLB.tv games. I got a tip on the Pirates, so I bet them and sweated the game. They were ahead until their bullpen blew it in late innings. I shot a text to Mean Gene, a Pittsburgh resident, about the demise of his lowly Pirates. He wrote back that he knew I had bet on the game because "why the hell would a Yankees fan, who was living in LA, sweat a Pirates game unless he had money on it."

Mean Gene is a smart dude. But he understands hot sauce.

Sorry for the tangent... let's return to the original flashback to a sunny Sunday morning in San Francisco. I sunk into the couch and flipped through the cable TV until I came across the San Francisco Giants pre-game show. Ah, yes...fear the beard. I had a flight to catch later that evening and was just killing time before I went to the airport. I did what any sensible human did on a Sunday morning -- I scorned religious service and bet on the Giants. When in Rome...

The Giants prevailed and I won my first bet since I left Vegas. I was more thrilled that the three hours I wasted watching a Giants game was worth the investment. But that small bet was just be the beginning of a remarkable streak. I started off 1-0 with the Giants bet and ten days later, I ran up my bankroll to new heights after a 13-3 clip.

I stuck to a few basics and rode two hot teams -- Milwaukee and NY Yankees. Holy shit, the Brew Crew has been on fire and I've managed to step off the gas on the rare nights they lost. I also faded a couple of struggling teams -- the Mets and the Twins. Sounds so simple, but at this point in the lengthy baseball season, it gets hot as balls in August and teams with no chance give up and go into zombie mode. So when a demoralized team gets behind early, they have no fight in them and practically concede a loss. Timing and psychology are just as important as who takes the mound at this point in the season.

I know that by writing about a streak will thereby end said streak, which is cool because I'm pulling the plug on the baseball betting for a while (maybe for the entire regular season). I strengthened my roll just in time for the NFL season and in the meantime, I'm shifting back into day trading mode. Yeah, without legalized online poker and scant offerings as a poker writer, my options to earn a living wage are slim to none. I dabbled in day trading and investing in commodities earlier in the year and had a nice score in silver, but stopped when I moved to Vegas for the WSOP. Now that my summer vacation is almost over, I've been slipping back into a weird routine of going to bed early to wake up at the crack of ass to monitor the markets. Trading hours on the West Coast are a fucking bitch.

I'm trying to snag one last score before I get out of the game and ride out the financial shit storm. Don't all crooks attempt "one last score" in heist movies before they get sucked into a suicide mission?

The summer slowly fades and baseball becomes an afterthought to the looming football season. Without online poker giving everyone a steady fix, I have a feeling that local bookies are going to make a killing in the upcoming months. If you're looking for hot sauce and don't live in Vegas, not too many people will be slinging it these days.

The Fat Guy and Fluxer

2011-08-22T14:22:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA

Life is incredibly precious, short, and confusing. Depending on the time of day, life walks the fine line between heaven and hell. Cherish what you have.

I'm writing this post with sincere sadness and grief about two old school poker bloggers -- one took his life a few weeks ago and another has come to face to face with his own mortality. If you know what the WPBT is, then you should sit down because I'm about to reveal a bit of heavy-handed information.

First of all, I want to point you out to the Fat Guy's courageous post revealing his battle with cancer. He wrote it in the typical Fat Guy format -- no bullshit. He's always been a straight shooter since the first day I've read TFG.

Almost nightly, I used to play online poker with the Fat Guy circa 2004 on Party Poker and Empire Poker. Fun times for sure during the halcyon days of online poker. Most recently during the WSOP, I exchanged a series of hysterical emails with the Fat Guy because he's the tech guy behind the Pokerati empire. You can only imagine the hilarity that ensued when Fat Guy and I tried to figure out how to upload raw files of Tao of Pokerati episodes onto the server. Long story short -- he was drunk when giving instructions and I was too baked upon reading them -- but we finally cracked skulls long enough and solved the problem.

Anyway, stop by the Fat Guy's site today and see if you can help him out. The Fat Guy is truly one of the few good guys I've met in poker.

Now onto even more depressing news...

If you don't know Fluxer... he was the blogger behind Wired Pairs (site has been taken down for over a year or more). Fluxer took his life a few weeks ago. The news was startling but did not come as a surprise because those close to him know he struggled with the simplicities of life for some time now. Just like Veneno, I've been wrought with guilt because I might have been able to pull him out of his doldrums.

Anyway, Veneno created a tribute site for Fluxer. So, if you've ever played online poker with Fluxer, please stop by. RIP Fluxer.

* * *
My apologies about being such a Debbie Downer on a Monday of all days.

Rest assured, I'm on the tail end of a vacation and will be returning to regular posting on Tao of Poker shortly. We have a plethora of sportsbetting opportunities on the horizon with the baseball playoffs and the start of the NFL season. In addition, I'll be playing more cash games in the future and detailing my poker progress with as much jaded snark as I can conjure up. Until then, I have to finish up packing up my office, because I'm on the move...

Phamily Poker Classic 2

2011-08-03T11:41:00.004-04:00

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA

I've took my customary week off after the WSOP to catch up on sleep and mull over the future and figure out what I'm going to do with myself the rest of 2011. But now, the fun begins. I about to embark on a two-week excursion and collect material for an upcoming book about a band from Vermont named Phish. I'm hitting the road to embed myself with hippies in the traveling circus, but there's going to be a little poker involved when the tour stops in Tahoe.

I'm playing in a charity tournament and the organizers even made me a bounty player!

Next Wednesday (August 10th), the Phamily Poker Classic 2 will take place at Harvey's in Lake Tahoe.

The Phamily Poker Classic 2 is a charity tournament with 50% of the buy-in being donated to the Mockingbird Foundation. The first event was held at the Tropicana Casino in Atlantic City during Halloween, when Phish played a three-night run on the Boardwalk. The tournament was a huge success, so much so there's a second Phamily Poker Classic tournament that will kick off next Wednesday in Lake Tahoe.

Buy-in for the Phamily Poker Classic $120 and there's still spots available. Click here to buy in.
The final table players get a cut of the prize pool in addition to some cool prizes.

FYI... I'm a bounty player which means if you knock me out of the tournament, you get an autographed copy of my book Lost Vegas: The Redneck Riviera, Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, and the World Series of Poker.

For the first event in October, I played along with Benjo and Irongirl. I busted very early last time around, but I hadn't slept in two days! I'm hoping to get some rest before the tournament go much deeper this year.

Full details on the Phamily Poker Classic 2 can be found here.

Click here for tournament rules.

See you next Wednesday in Tahoe. I hope everyone is not that spun out and sobers up (enough) in time to play some cards.

Return of Liz Lieu Tuesdays: Happy Birthday Edition

2011-08-02T10:10:00.001-04:00

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA

Happy birthday to a dear friend. Liz Lieu was one of the first people I met when I first got into poker. Both of our lives have taken many odd, strange, and wonderful turns, but we didn't get to where we are today without some pitfalls and tragedies. Alas, Liz is truly a survivor in a brutal industry and a legitimate success story.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, Liz!

All photos courtesy of Liz Lieu.

2011 WSOP Index - Tao of Poker Coverage

2011-07-24T16:20:00.014-04:00

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA

What you have here is an index of all of Tao of Poker's coverage of the 2011 WSOP. Yep, quick links to daily recaps along with a few special nuggets. Don't forget you can also check out Tao of Pokeati podcasts as well.

Let's start with a couple of posts that were published before cards went in the air on Day 1. Among those were a few tidbits about the Ivey/Full Tilt lawsuit.

2011 WSOP: Before the Madness Begins - A prelude to the seven-week fiesta of poker.

WTF? Phil Ivey Suing Full Tilt Poker - In one of the most peculiar news stories since Black Friday, Phil Ivey announced he was leaving Full Tilt, suing Tiltware, and sitting out of the WSOP. All of these important announcements were made on his Facebook fan page. Whaaaaa?

Full Tilt's Angry Response to Phil Ivey's Lawsuit - The drama-filled start to the WSOP continued with an angry response from Full Tilt's HQs. That's the fastest they ever responded to anything in the wake of Black Friday.

Finding Pil Ivey and the Doctor Is In - The video crew at Bluff Magazine did an awesome job with their videos this summer, especially the bit Finding Ivey. I got tapped to tape an interview and you can see a teaser in this video.

The Circuit Cover and Interview - I was fortunate that Alexander asked me to be a part of his amazing photo project -- The Circuit. Check out what went down behind the scenes during the photo shoot, including a candid interview about what life is really like on the road following around the tournament circuit.

Okay, and now here are the daily recaps from the 2011 WSOP...

Day 1: Welcome to the Jungle and Phil Ivey's Titanium Balls - The 2011 WSOP kicked off with lots of questions swirling around about which pros would toe the company line and support Full Tilt Poker, and which red pros would ditch the patches and other FT branding. Phil Ivey fired the first shot with his lawsuit (announced via Facebook), but did he incite a mutiny with other red pros following his lead?

Day 2: Ivey's Hippodrome and Bare-Chested Scandis - Gus Hansen wandering around with his shirt undone and the ongoing saga between Phil Ivey and Full Tilt were among the more dramatic topics on the second day of action.

Day 3: Moneymaker and Johnny Fucking Chan Win Grudge Matches and Men the Master Cheating Accusations - A Made-for-TV event occupied the Mothership with Chris Moneymaker and Johnny Fucking Chan winning their Main Event "grudge matches". Meanwhile, in the real WSOP, Men the Master was the center of hurricane of shadiness when he hypocritically accused Hollywood Dave of shorting a pot. A shouting match ensued and both were on the verge of being disqualified.

Day 4: Jake Cody's Emos, Hooligans, and Hat Tricks - Jack Cody, the latest British wunderkind made history when he became only the third member of the Triple Crown club. His victory did not come without a little rail rowdiness along the way.

Day 5: Apocalypse Now (Guest Post by Change100) - Yes, I had the day off and Change100 stepped up to pen an atmospheric piece on the tension in the air at the start of the 2011 WSOP -- the first series in the wake of Black Friday and "money getting stuck on Full Tilt" fiasco.

Day 6: Ho-most for Maria Ho - The lovely Maria Ho went deep in the 5K NL event and came within one spot of winning her first bracelet.

Day 7: British Invasion, Vampire Squids, and the Devil - After the first week of nonstop poker, the first zombie begin to appear at the Rio. The zombies in turn attract the Devil along with treacherous vampire squids.

Day 8: The Marked Cards Conspiracy and the Last 5 Pros I Pissed Next To - It's not the WSOP unless there's a controversy involving the cards. There's always something wrong with the decks. At the 2011 WSOP, a couple of the decks had a printing error that was only visible underneath the groovy purple grow-lights inside the Mothership.

Day 9: Cocking Blocking the Brits - The Brits launched an all-out assault on Las Vegas once again as they threatened to win another bracelet but the bloody 10-level rule was the only thing that prevented them from shipping another bracelet.

Day 10: Banning Booze, World Series of Mormons, and Sweating the Mavs - Despite the financial woes bringing America to the brink of ruin, the WSOP continued to thrive in the face of external adversity on both the political and financial fronts. The influx of players always brought with it a wave of fervor on the rail during final tables. The powers to be did not anticipate a Mardi Gras-like atmosphere inside the Mothership that is a fragile TV set and not a country-western bar. As a result, booze was officially banned at the final table.

Day 11: Social Media in Poker and Tex Dolly Blows Chunks - The poker world has changed for the better (or worst) because of the heavy influence of social media. Oh, and we found out through Twitter that Texas Dolly got ill during the middle of a tournament because of something he ate.

Day 12: Hellmuth Chokes and Prohibition Ends at the Mothership - Phil Hellmuth was on a mission to win his 12h bracelet, yet his attempt was thwarted. Meanwhile, much to the delight of the alkies in Vegas, booze was permitted to be consumed inside the Mothership. Yes, the short-lived prohibition was over.

Day 13: Tweaker City, USA - I experienced a rather sketchy encounter in the parking lot at the Gold Coast while hanging out with Benjo.

Day 14: Subterranean Homesick Alien and Brits Snag Third Bracelet - By the end of the second week of the WSOP, everyone is ridden with homesickness. Despite the malaise, another Brit won a bracelet, meanwhile, we decided to pay homage to old school Vegas with a trip downtown to where it all began -- Binion's.

Day 15: Triple ElkY and The Mark is the 22nd Best PLO Player in the World - The French surged during the beginning of the third week of the series. They won three bracelets in a short period of time and ElkY became only the fourth player to win the Triple Crown. Meanwhile, a close friend of the Tao of Poker went deep in a PLO event. Yeah, The Mark fell short of his first WSOP final table.

Day 16: Le Deux; French Snag 2 Bracelets in 24 Hours - The French surge continued with their second bracelet within a 24-hour period.

Day 17: Mike Sexton Heads-Up for Bracelet and Liquidating the Sahara - The Ambassador of Poker, Mike Sexton, went deep in the Stud 8 event, only to have it suspended due to the 10-level rule. Sexton was heads-up when his tournament was halted. Meanwhile, the big liquidation sale at the Sahara kicked off. Jerome and Camille shot a stunning video of that dreary sale day.

Day 18: No Country For Old Men; Barry Greenstein and Mike Sexton Denied Bracelets - Two poker greats came very close to winning bracelets, yet they fell short of the mark. In addition, the Senior's Event kicked off with everyone standing to attention when the Stars and Stripes were played.

Day 19: The Donkenator and Eating Death - Dominating a donkaments are never an easy task. Woever wins that bracelet damn well deserves it. I delve a bit into Milton's Paradise Lost in this recap. Enter at your own risk.

Day 20: The Egregious Case of the $9 Pizza and Stein Shines - It was a matter of time before I went off on an old-fashioned anti-food rant because of the horrendous $9 pizza that the Poker Kitchen tries to pass off as a culinary delight.

Day 21: A Day in the Life; Hellmuth Denied 12th Bracelet (Again) - This is my favorite piece of the summer, mainly because most of the hijinks happened outside the Amazon Ballroom that eventually morphed into my first Memento moment of the WSOP. Anyway, I went on a classic bender at the Gold Coast while Phil Hellmuth went deep once again and tried to win bracelet #12.

Day 22: Slowdown, Rocky Mountain High, and Chau Giang Confirmed Alien - The WSOP caught its breath at the start of the fourth week of play, while I determined that Chau Giang is really an alien.

Day 23: Timex Flashback, Jason Mercier Wins PLO Bracelet, and More Sordid Tales About Chasing the Dragon - I squeezed in a little personal Pai Gow degeneracy in between a recap about Jason Mercier's victory in the PLO event along with a flashback about the origins of Timex.

Day 24: Dwan Song, Revelry, and Hooligans - Whenever Tom "durrrr" Dwan makes a final table, the entire poker world stops to watch. With a few million in prop bets on the line, Dwan's final tables always have an added element of excitement. Alas, it was the Brits who sucked up all of the attention in the Amazon Ballroom as they railed their boy Middy and even drank Jager bombs out of their shoes.

Day 25: Rubber Soul, Electric Daisies, and Two-Tabling Pai Gow - The Electric Daisy Carnival swept through Vegas and a quarter million ravers invaded Sin City. Fabrice Soulier shipped a bracelet and became the third Frenchie to win one in 2011. Ah, and I also engaged in a live session of Pai Gow again and two-tabled it. I'm lucky I didn't get 86'd.

Day 26: The Sickness - If you've spent a significant amount of time in Las Vegas, then you've seen those afflicted with The Sickness. I spoke about some of my experiences with the dreaded disease.

Day 27: Shaking Down Ravers; November Niner Snags Bracelet - I had a situation when I should've rolled a couple of schwasted ravers in the elevator, but I couldn't cross over to the dark side and take advantage of the party people on the last day of the Electric Daisy Carnival.

Day 28: The Glass Onion; Lamb Leads POY - Donkey slayers, Brazilians, and Ben Lamb seizing the top spot in Player of the Year race.

Day 29: Carnival at the Mothership; Akkari Wins Bracelet - I went to cover a final table and a Brazilian soccer match broke out. The Mothership was transformed into a World Cup final when Brazil's native son Andre Akkari advanced to the final table and was heads-up for a bracelet.

"Vamooooooooooooooo!"
Days 30-33: OFF

Day 34: Happy Birthday, America - On the Fourth of July, America celebrated with its annual Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island. Only in America can we boast about binge eating to celebrate our creation and independence from British tyranny.

Day 35: Catching Up - After a brief holiday away from the Vegas grind, it was time to catch up on everything I missed.

Day 36: Don't Stop Believen' - Hellmuth and the 50K hit a hard stop. Grumbles ensued.

Day 37: Another Runner-Up Finish for Hellmuth; Whiffs on Three Flush Draws to Lose Bracelet#12 - Hellmuth had another disappointing evening after he whiffed on three big flush draws only to lose to Brian Rast, who won his second bracelet in 2011.

* * *
2011 Main Event Coverage

Prelude to the Killing Fields - The 2011 Main Event
With a Little Help From My Friends: The Michael Stevens Story by Change100
Day 38- Main Event Day 1A: Dolly's Abyss
Day 39 - Main Event Day 1B: Luck Rack of Lamb
Prope Bets with Remkos and Micros WSOP Episode
Day 40 - Main Event Day 1C: One More Saturday Nite
Day 41 - Main Event Day 1D: Spiderman Big Records, Perma-Bans, and 6,865
Day 42 - Main Event Day 2A: Torturing the One-Eyed Clown, Hellmuth Awakes, and the Euro Surge
Day 43 - Main Event Day 2B: Lamb Lies Down on Broadway
Day 44 - Main Event Day Off; Annie Duke Wins Media Tournament
Day 45 - Main Event Day 3: Poirier and Jace Are Million Men and Tilt-A-Scandi
Day 46 - Main Event Day 4: Soft Bubbles, Zombie Apocalypse, and the Reincarnation of JRB
Day 47 - Main Event Day 5: There Must Be Some Way Out of Here
The Skinny: Day 6
Day 48 - Main Event Day 6: House of the Rising Sun; NOLA's Ryan Lenaghan Leads with 57 Remaining
The Skinny: Day 7
Day 49 - Main Event Day 7: Buy the Ticket, Survive the Ride
2011 November Nine Set
2011 November Nine Betting Odds

That's it. Thanks for following along this summer.

Photos courtesy of Benjo and WhoJedi.

The Best of Tao of Pokerati Podcast - 2011 WSOP

2011-07-22T12:59:00.005-04:00

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA

This summer was special because we had several different guests on the Tao of Pokerati podcast. I never got to have everyone on that I wanted due to scheduling conflicts, but thanks to everyone who joined us during the 2011 WSOP for the quickest poker podcast on the interwebs.

Thanks to Wolynski for the pic
So here's some of my favorite episodes from the 2011 WSOP. Enjoy!

Summer Favorites - Tao of Pokerati Podcast - 2011 WSOP

Episode 6: Ivey's Lawyer (4:17) - Dan and Pauly chat about the Ivey drama that transformed the opening days of the WSOP into the "World Series of Phil Ivey." Dan also shares some inside info on Ivey's lawyer, renown criminal attorney David Chesnoff.

Episode 7: Sahara Liquidation with Remko and Benjo (6:12) - Benjo and Pauly discussed the Sahara Casino liquidation sale/auction with one of the members of the Dutch press, Remko. Both Remko and Benjo expressed a keen interest in acquiring a slot machine for super cheap, while Pauly has his eyes set on a Pai Gow table. Meanwhile, Benjo and Remko try to figure out how to ship a slot machine from Vegas to France and Holland.

Episode 12: The Tweaker Edition with Benjo (4:02) - Benjo and Pauly hang out at the Gold Coast and watched a tweaker get 86d by security. They later encounter the tweaker in the parking lot, and Benjo asks Pauly for a quick tutorial about the seedy Las Vegas meth scene.

Episode 14: Old School Cheats with Johnny Hughes (6:02) - Pauly sat down and chatted with a special guest -- the legendary Johnny Hughes -- who has been in poker circles for 50+ years. Pauly asks Johnny to share some stories about old school poker cheats and the "fear" of getting caught, which kept a lot of shady characters in line.

Episode 16: Brickless Cash Games Reprise (3:22) - Dan and Pauly recorded a quick follow-up to their previous episode while they hang out on the rail of the high-stakes cash games. They spot Eskimo Clark, "Cowboy", and other broke dicks lingering around seeking handouts from the high rollers.

Episode 17: WSOP Fashion Report with KevMath (5:10) - Pauly chats with KevMath, who is a self-described "fashion expert." The two compare and contrast the different styles of clothing worn by members of the media. KevMath also reveals why he won't wear shorts.

Episode 19: KevMath Keno System with KevMath (6:01) - Pauly and KevMath hang out at the dive bar in a bowling alley at the Gold Coast. KevMath was in the middle of crushing a video Keno game, when Pauly asked him to share a couple of his big secrets to beating the game.

Episode 20: Adieu, Benjo (8:40) with Benjo - After almost a week of speculation and rumors, Benjo confirms that he's leaving Las Vegas and heading home to France. His brief stint at the WSOP is officially over. One chapter ends, and a new one begins. Dr. Pauly, Dan and Benjo hang out in the dive bar inside the bowling alley at Gold Coast to listen to Benjo bid his farewells.

Episode 21: New Dynamic Duo with Snoopy (5:59) - Pauly holds auditions for a new sidekick with only one requirement -- a outrageous accent. Snoopy, a writer from London, nails the audition. In this episode, they discuss modeling their new dynamic duo on the Batman & Robin television series, in addition to re-locating the Bat Cave to England and installing bat poles in the press box.

Episode 23: Brazil's Mothership Invasion with AlCantHang (2:50) - Pauly and AlCantHang are on the rail inside the Mothership watching the heads-up battle between American Nachman "The Landlord" Berlin and Brazil's native son Andre Akkari. Al and Pauly record a quick episode moments after Akkari won a decisive pot to cripple Berlin, and the Brazilians went berserk.

Episode 26: Main Event Begins! (6:34) - The Main Event is upon us and before the cards went in the air, Pauly is hanging out and listening to TD Jack Effel's long-winded introduction and a quick rundown of the rules to all Main Event players. Jack then introduces Texas Dolly to utter the famous phrase, "Shuffle up and deal!"

Episode 27: Almost Famous with Snoopy (3:32) - While players return to their seats after the dinner break, Pauly and Snoopy notice Jason Alexander posing for pictures with fans. Snoopy explains why Seinfeld wasn't a big hit in England and Pauly discovers someone dressed as Snow White in the crowd. Pauly also wonders if Snoopy would ever dress up in a costume for the Main Event.

Episode 29: Media Mania and Golden Toilets with Change100 and AlCantHang (3:08) - Pauly is still in the media event, so Change100 takes the opportunity to chat with AlCantHang. They both busted rather early, especially AlCantHang, who won a dubious honor of being the first player to bust out. His reward? A Golden Toiler trophy for last place.

Episode 33: Two Brits, One Irishman with Snoopy (5:09) - Snoopy gives Pauly the latest British report with three tables remaining in the Main Event. Snoopy clues us in on the two Brits (Sam Holden and JP Kelly) still alive along with Eoghan O'Dea from Ireland. Even though O'Dea is Irish, Snoopy and Brits are still keeping an eye on their "adopted" player.

Episode 36: KevMath WSOP Exit Interview with KevMath (8:50) - Kevin "KevMath" Mathers is officially done with his WSOP assignment, but he stopped by the Rio to watch the action on Day 8. He bumped into Pauly, who sat him down to discuss his favorite moments (and least favorite) during his first ever WSOP. Pauly also quizzes him on any strange "fan" encounters along the way.

Episode 37: Pseudo-Final Table (6:02) - Dan and Pauly are on the rail of the Mothership as action resumes for the pseudo-final table of ten, otherwise known as the November Nine bubble. Plenty of tension in the air because the final table will be set with just one more elimination.

Episode 39: Bruno's New Toy (4:20) - Fun Warren brought a batch of dolls to the WSOP. The dolls, resembling famous poker pros, were custom made in London . He left a couple behind for Pauly and Dan. Pauly got Phil Hellmuth, while Dan seems a little disappointed with Daniel Negreanu. Dan suggests that he'll probably give the Negreanu's doll to his dog Bruno, so Bruno will now have a new play toy.

If you want to listen to more episodes from the 2011 WSOP, visit Tao of Pokerati podcast archives.

November Nine Betting Odds - 2011 WSOP

2011-07-20T21:54:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Do you want to place a bet on who will win the 2011 WSOP Main Event? The Wynn casino released betting odds for the November Nine.

Here's the opening lines...

2011 WSOP Betting Odds
3-1 Martin Staszko - 40,175,000
17-5 Eoghan O'Dea - 33,925,000
6-1 Matt Giannetti - 24,750,000
6-1 Phil Collins - 23,875,000
6-1 Ben Lamb - 20,875,000
7-1 Badih Bounahra - 19,700,000
10-1 Pius Heinz - 16,425,000
11-1 Anton Makievskyi - 13,825,000
14-1 Sam Holden - 12,375,000

Lines courtesy of the Wynn. Check your local bookie to see if lines have moved.

Martin Staszko fromt he Czech Republic is the chipelader and a 3-1 favorite. The longshot on the board is Sam Holden from the U.K. The Americans -- Phil Collins, Ben Lamb, and Matt Giannetti -- are each 6-1.

I like Eoghan O'Dea to win it all, but I'm going to wait to see if it moves to 4-1 or 9-2.

2011 November Nine Set

2011-07-20T05:05:00.004-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

2011 November Nine
Photo courtesy of Who Jedi
The moment you've all been waiting for...the November Nine is final set. There's nine players remaining in the 2011 WSOP Main Event Championship. Play will be suspended until November, when everyone comes back to the Rio to slug it out for the bracelet and $8.7 million in cash.

2011 November Nine:
Seat 1: Matt Giannetti
Seat 2: Badih Bounahra
Seat 3: Eoghan O'Dea
Seat 4: Phil Collins
Seat 5: Anton Makievskyi
Seat 6: Samuel Holden
Seat 7: Pius Heinz
Seat 8: Ben Lamb
Seat 9: Martin Staszko

November Nine Chip Counts:
1. Martin Staszko - 40,175,000
2. Eoghan O'Dea - 33,925,000
3. Matt Giannetti - 24,750,000
4. Phil Collins - 23,875,000
5. Ben Lamb - 20,875,000
6. Badih Bounahra - 19,700,000
7. Pius Heinz - 16,425,000
8. Anton Makievskyi - 13,825,000
9. Sam Holden - 12,375,000

November Nine - Final Table Payouts
1st - $8,711,956
2nd - $5,430,928
3rd - $4,019,635
4th - $3,011,661
5th - $2,268,909
6th - $1,720,396
7th - $1,313,851
8th - $1,009,910
9th - $782,115

To see who cashed in the Main Event, check out 2011 WSOP Main Event results and money finishers.

Stay tuned for a end of day recap. In the meantime, you can read Change100's stellar recaps over at RISE poker, or sift through my twitter feed @taopauly to glimpse about my thoughts as the day progressed, or listen to the quickie episodes of Tao of Pokerati podcast that we recorded throughout Day 8, including KevMath's exit interview.

New Tao of Pokerati Podcast: Bruno's New Toy (Ep 39)

2011-07-20T04:23:00.005-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Fun Warren dropped off a couple of dolls resembling famous poker pros in the pressbox.Dan and Pauly each received one as a gift. Hijinks ensue...

2001 WSOP - Episode 39: Bruno's New Toy (4:20) - Fun Warren brought a batch of dolls to the WSOP. The dolls, resembling famous poker pros, were custom made in London . He left a couple behind for Pauly and Dan. Pauly got Phil Hellmuth, while Dan seems a little disappointed with Daniel Negreanu. Dan suggests that he'll probably give the Negreanu's doll to his dog Bruno, so Bruno will now have a new play toy.

For more episodes, visit the Tao of Pokerati archives.

New Tao of Pokerati Podcast: Pucked Up Hand (Ep 38)

2011-07-20T04:04:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Dan and Pauly continue to hang out at the final table bubble for the November Nine. They pucked up a hand...

2011 WSOP - Episode 38: Pucked Up Hand (4:48) - Dan and Pauly thought they were recording an episode during an elimination hand, but they mistakenly got the players mixed up. Instead of a bustout, they witnessed a double up by Matt Gianetti. The simple error leads to a suggestion that perhaps the WSOP needs to highlight all-in players with special colored spotlights.

For more episodes, visit the Tao of Pokerati archives.

New Tao of Pokerati Podcast: Pseudo-Final Table (Ep 37)

2011-07-20T01:33:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Dan showed up at the perfect time to hang out with Pauly, just as the final ten players were consolidated to one table...

2001 WSOP - Episode 37: Pseudo-Final Table (6:02) - Dan and Pauly are on the rail of the Mothership as action resumes for the pseudo-final table of ten, otherwise known as the November Nine bubble. Plenty of tension in the air because the final table will be set with just one more elimination.

For more episodes, visit the Tao of Pokerati archives.

New Tao of Pokerati Podcast: KevMath Exit Interview (Ep 36)

2011-07-19T19:56:00.004-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Kevin Mathers and he sat downw ith Paulyfor a chat about his first ever WSOP...

2001 WSOP - Episode 36: KevMath WSOP Exit Interview with KevMath (8:50) - Kevin "KevMath" Mathers is officially done with his WSOP assignment, but he stopped by the Rio to watch the action on Day 8. He bumped into Pauly, who sat him down to discuss his favorite moments (and least favorite) during his first ever WSOP. Pauly also quizzes him on any strange "fan" encounters along the way.

For more episodes, visit the Tao of Pokerati archives.

New Tao of Pokerati Podcast: Patchwork Orange (Ep 35)

2011-07-19T15:33:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Dan and Dr. Pauly hang out on the rail of the featured TV table and wonder where have all the patch deals gone?

2001 WSOP - Episode 35: Patchwork Orange (6:06) - Dan and Pauly hang out late on Day 7. Dan tells everyone how his girlfriend checked out the Main Event for the first time to check out all the hoopla. The discussion shifts to patch deals and lack of huge sponsorship money on TV tables.

For more episodes, visit the Tao of Pokerati archives.

2011 WSOP Day 49 - Main Event Day 7: Buy the Ticket, Survive the Ride

2011-07-19T12:11:00.009-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Off in the distance shortly before the bewitching hour of midnight, a muffled sound resembling a mixture of clapping and two squirrels fighting echoed from the far side of the room. Someone won a pot at one of the outer tables and their friends on the rail celebrated wildly spilling beer on each other and acting like baboons during a spring mating ritual. The hand would be beamed around the world thirty minutes later via ESPN2, but for the moment, the loser sat idle and looked at the unfortunate river card. He was stunned and dazed, sort of like a boxing match when a fighter catches a glancing uppercut to the chin and falls to the canvas, only to pop up two seconds later, and wondering where the fuck did that come from? The film crew, dressed in black, captured his dazed expression as they circled his table, while a couple of field reporters scribbled down the final details of the hand in their own version of poker shorthand.

"Who won the pot," whispered the oblivious railbird in front of me.

"Obvious not the guy who just high-fived his friends on the rail."

With three or four tables left in the Amazon Ballroom, the number of media circling around the tables began to outnumber the remaining players. Add up all the tournament staff and railbirds, and the players were grossly outnumbered. They sat inside the ropes out on the floor or either on the secondary table and the massive, gaudy set inside the Mothership. Alas, for the first time since I started covering poker, agents were not slithering around the rail or trying to chase down big-stacked players on the break. The lack of online poker rooms vying for the hearts and minds of Americans and other poker fans deeply affected the endorsement cottage industry. The cold war is over after a swift round of indictments from the federales. As a result, millions of dollars in potential endorsement deals dried up. Without seven figures of free money in play, the vampires remained in the shadows -- there's no juicy and vitamin-enriched blood to suck dry.

On day 1 of the Main Event, I wandered through the Pavilion glimpsing at a poker tournament filled with thousands of dreamers, delusional gambling addicts, bucket listers, Vegas sharks, semi-pros with a chip on their shoulder, and a horde of amateurs. If I was a tournament player, I'd be drooling like Pavlov's frothing dog at all of the dead money sitting around in a poker-themed circle jerk.

By days 2 and 3, what was once a poker tournament had turned into a spectacle. By day 7, the tournament became its own reality show as the lines between sports and entertainment were blurred once again. The WSOP is definitely entertainment, but with a competitive edge, which is where the argument splinters off -- is it a sport or is it gambling disguised as sports entertainment? Regardless of which side you fall in that debate, the Main Event is the ultimate reality show and the only actors appearing in the tournament are the ones whom use their real names. Sure we might reference Everyone Loves Raymond or AJ Soprano, but that's just the roles we're used to seeing actors portray on the little box in our living rooms (and these days, with more people viewing/streaming programs on their laptops, those portrayals are beamed to their portable devices). The real life persons (Ray Romano and Robert Iler) dug into their pockets and plopped down $10,000. Doesn't matter if you're an NBA player, an electrician from Garfield, NJ, or an former internet pro who lives down the street at Palms Place. They each purchased a ticket to the bacchanal of poker.

As Hunter Thompson once said, "Buy the ticket, take the ride."

The ride is a journey. The journey is the path to fame, riches, and glory. The final step before all of that is achieved is the November Nine. All 6,865 entrants were focused on making to the end of each playing day, eventually advancing all the way to the final nine players, before they take a couple of months off and return for the November hippodrome.

Depending on who you talk to that is wearing a suit, this year at the WSOP has been its most successful yet. Pros will tell you the WSOP has turned tournament poker into one of those cheesy chain restaurants you'll find in an strip mall in America. Jaded vets will tell you otherwise -- how this year lacks the "punch" and "excitement" of previous years.

"It's like attending a funeral," one member of the British press said. "Except they usually have better food at funerals."

Yes, the 2011 WSOP reached new heights with more participants than ever before. How much of that is attributed to the lack of online poker, with junkies are playing more events to get their fix?

Don't forget that the wealth in poker is distributed every single tournament. If a pro wins a tournament, then the money will most likely stay within the inner circle of tournament poker. If a degen wins a tournament, the money will get sucked out of the poker economy and pissed away at the sportsbook or in the pits. Junkies and sex addicts will snort, shoot, and smoke away their profits, while the weak fools with penchant for strip clubs will most likely pay the rent for two or three exotic dancers. If ballers win a tournament, the money will disappear after they blow it in restaurants, clubs, and buying fast cars and luxury items for their lady friends. If a broke dick wins a tournament, most of that windfall gets kicked back into the coffers of backers and staking syndicates. And if an amateur wins a tournament (like Jerry Yang), he's taking the money back to his hometown and most likely never spending a cent of his winnings in Vegas, or circulating it back in play at the cash game or tournament tables.

But that's the beauty of the WSOP Main Event. The ticket cost $10,000. The longevity of the ride is essentially out of your hands. But the ticket gets you a chance at securing $8 million (minus taxes, fees, and loans you have to make to deadbeat friends and family members). The Main Event ride is not a carousel in the park that lasts three archaic waltzes. The Main Event Ride might last an hour or might get prolonged until November. If you fall short of the final nine, you still have a shot at drowning yourself in shit ton of cash. As we know in America (or at least, we've been brainwashed to believe it), money is a shortcut to happiness.

Then again, if you hang out at the cage, you'll see more miserable faces than the ER room at a hospital. It's not easy to get pumped about winning $242,000 when you feel as though you had a legit shot at a $8 million score -- that is, until some Eastern Euro donk ambushed you with a junk hand. One second you're smiling for ESPN cameras, and the next, you're fighting back tears after looking like a chump on the live stream.

* * *

Only 57 players walked inside the Amazon Ballroom on Day 7. After five levels (or 10 hours) of play, only 22 remained. Along the way, the adorable poker couple went busto as Doc Sands was eliminated in 30th place and his partner Erika Moutinho gotknocked out in 29th. The Golden Boy Erick Lindgren and most notable pro left in the field hit the road. Tony Hachem, the jovial brother of former champion Salty Joe Hachem failed in his quest to become the only pair of siblings to win a Main Event. The Gunslinger got gunned down in 45th place. The weird French dude with pink hair, Guillaume Darcourt, got flushed away. And the British wunderkind, JP Kelly, found his fate in 26th place.

Yeah, most of the big stories at the start of Day 7 became obituaries by the time the final 22 bagged up their chips. But that's not to say there's nothing to say about the 22 players who will return on Day 8.

Eoghan O'Dea is the son of the legendary Don O'Dea, otherwise known as the Godfather of Irish poker. O'Dea flew under the radar for the entire tournament until he emerged as one of the chipleaders late on Day 7. Only a Ukrainian ended the day with more chips.

Anton Makiievskyi ended Day 7 as overall leader after seizing the top spot. The 21-year old is still a little wet behind the ears, but he's got a legit shot at the November Nine in a breakout year for Ukrainian poker (the former bread basket of the Soviet Union boasts of four bracelets already in 2011).

Khoa Nguyen is third in chips. The engineer from Canada shares a last name that is synonymous with excellence (and controversy), but I bet you that he was the last Nguyen you thought would make a final table, right?

Andrey Pateychuk is the pride of Vladivostok, Russia. He's also the youngest player left in the Main Event, which makes him even money to advance to the November Nine. It's like a formula -- 21-year old always makes the final table.

Ben Lamb ended up fifth in chips, which is kinda disappointing considering the year he's been having. He already locked up the top spot for POY (after Bach busted) and has to hold off a Hellmuthian assault at the WSOP-Europe in October, but if he can continue his run and kep Helluth at bay, Lamb will secure himself the 2011 Player of the Year.

That rounds out the top 5 in chips, but Bryan Devonshire is probably the most notable pro left in the field. Aside from arranging complex chip structures, Devo's fans showed up with red pails, which they wore upside on their heads in homage to the eclectic 80s pop group. Devo is 15th in chips, but he has one hell of a rail that his opponents must contend with on Day 8.

You can check out Day 8 seat assignments and chip counts here -- The Skinny - Main Event Day 7.

So, there's 22 ticket holders left. Which ones will still be left standing when the ride comes to a complete stop?
* * *
Photos courtesy of Winamax and WhoJedi.

Follow @taopauly for Twitter updates throughout the day.

Also, help support indie writers and buy my books: Lost Vegas: The Redneck Riviera, Existentialist Conversations with Strippers and the World Series of Poker, and my recently released novel, Jack Tripper Stole My Dog. Both are also available for Kindles and iPads.

2011 WSOP Main Event - The Skinny - End of Day 7

2011-07-19T04:20:00.009-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Erick and Doc
On Day 7, only 57 players walked inside the Amazon Ballroom. By the end of the night, 22 remained. Stay tuned for a complete Day 7 recap. In the meantime, check out some quick stats, results, chipcounts, and Day 8 seating assignments...

2011 Main Event - Quick Stats

Entrants: 6,865
Players Remaining: 22
Chipleader: Anton Makievskyi - 21,045,000
Payouts: 693
First Place: 8,711,956
Prizepool: $64,531,000
Juice to the WSOP: $4,119,000

Top 10 Chip Counts:
1. Anton Makievskyi - 21,045,000
2. Eoghan O'Dea - 19,050,000
3. Khoa Nguyen - 16,435,000
4. Andrey Pateychuk - 16,245,000
5. Ben Lamb - 14,690,000
6. Phil Collins - 13,805,000
7. John Hewitt - 13,265,000
8. Ryan Lenaghan - 10,415,000
9. Matt Giannetti - 8,920,000
10. Konstantinos Mamaliadis - 8,195,000

The Rest - Chip Counts:
Pius Heinz - 7,510,000
Aleksandr Mozhnyakov - 7,075,000
Scott Schwalich - 6,920,000
Martin Staszko - 6,380,000
Bryan Devonshire - 6,190,000
Sam Barnhart - 4,935,000
Samuel Holden - 4,740,000
Gionni Demers - 4,655,000
Kenny Shih - 4,530,000
Lars Bonding - 4,140,000
Bounahra Badih - 3,385,000
Christopher Moore - 3,040,000

* * *
Day 7 Eliminations and Money Winners

The following players won $302,005:
23 Andrew Hinrichsen
24 Greg Kaplan
25 Jerry Van Strydonck
26 JP Kelly
27 Kyle Johnson

The following players won $242,636:
28 Philipp Gruissem
29 Erika Moutinho
30 Doc Sands
31 Steve Brecher
32 John Esposito
33 Nelson Robinson
34 Nicolas Fierro
35 Guillaume Darcourt
36 Hilton Laborda

The following players won $196,174:
37 Tony Hachem
38 Frank Sinopoli
39 Mario Silvestri
40 James Page
41 Tri Huynh
42 Fabio Sousa
43 Erick Lindgren
44 Ruben Visser
45 David Bach

The following players won $160,036:
46 Stephane Albertini
47 Tom Koral
48 Stuart Tuvey
49 Feming Chan
50 Matthew Kay
51 Stefan Huber
52 Jody Howe
53 Andrew Brokos
54 Zohair Karim

The following players won $130,997:
55 Sebastian Ruthenberg
56 Minh Nguyen
57 Per Linde

Here's a complete list of 2011 WSOP Main Event money finishers.

* * *
Day 8 Seating Assignments

Outer Table 334
Seat 1: Martin Staszko - 6,190,000
Seat 2: John Hewitt - 13,265,000
Seat 3: EMPTY
Seat 4: EMPTY
Seat 5: Ben Lamb - 14,690,000
Seat 6: Ryan Lenaghan - 10,415,000
Seat 7: Andrey Pateychuk - 16,245,000
Seat 8: Eoghan O'Dea - 19,050,000
Seat 9: Bryan Devonshire - 6,190,000

ESPN Feature Table - Mothership
Seat 1: Gionni Demers - 4,655,000
Seat 2: Chris Moore - 3,040,000
Seat 3: Khoa Nguyen - 16,435,000
Seat 4: Konstantinos Mamaliadis - 8,195,000
Seat 5: Kenny Shih - 4,530,000
Seat 6: Samuel Holden - 4,740,000
Seat 7: Lars Bonding - 4,140,000
Seat 8: EMPTY
Seat 9: Anton Makievskyi - 21,045,000

Secondary Feature Table
Seat 1: Matt Giannetti - 8,920,000
Seat 2: Aleksandr Mozhnyakov - 7,075,000
Seat 3: Scott Schwalich - 6,920,000
Seat 4: Pius Heinz - 7,510,000
Seat 5: Phil Collins - 13,805,000
Seat 6: EMPTY- --
Seat 7: Bounahra Badih - 3,385,000
Seat 8: EMPTY
Seat 9: Sam Barnhart - 4,935,000

Chip counts and seating info courtesy of WSOP.com. Photo courtesy of WhoJedi.

* * *
Play resumes at noon on Tuesday. They will play from 22 down to the final nine. Stay tuned for a complete end of Day 6 recap.

New Tao of Pokerati Podcast: Tent City

2011-07-19T03:31:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Dan and Pauly hang out on the smokers' porch and observe "tent city"...

2011 WSOP - Episode 34: Tent City (5:01) - Dan and Pauly went outside and wandered around tent city, where all of the ESPN live feed production trucks and Poker PROductions trailers were located. Pauly hasn't seen much of the semi-live coverage on ESPN and Dan clues him in on what he's been missing...

For more episodes, visit the Tao of Pokerati archives.

New Tao of Pokerati Podcast: Two Brits, One Irishman (Ep 33)

2011-07-18T21:19:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Snoopy joins Pauly for a conversation about the pair of Brits and one Irishman left in the Main Event field...

2011 WSOP - Episode 33: Two Brits, One Irishman with Snoopy (5:09) - Snoopy gives Pauly the latest British report with three tables remaining in the Main Event. Snoopy clues us in on the two Brits (Sam Holden and JP Kelly) still alive along with Eoghan O'Dea from Ireland. Even though O'Dea is Irish, Snoopy and Brits are still keeping an eye on their "adopted" player.

For more episodes, visit the Tao of Pokerati archives.

New Tao of Pokerati Podcast: Semi-Live WSOP, Live from the Palms (Ep 32)

2011-07-18T16:20:00.002-04:00

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Hey, Dan and Dr. Pauly discuss the latest innovation in the Main Event...

2011 WSOP - Episode 32: Semi-Live WSOP, Live from the Palms (3:21) - The WSOP is being broadcast on ESPN with a 30-minute delay, and it's also being streamed online at ESPN 3. Dan has not been at the Rio, because he's been keeping an eye on the Main Event by watching ESPN's coverage. Pauly mentions that finally watched some of ESPN2's coverage, which was on in the background while he and Dan played in the Pokerati mixed game at the Palms.

For more episodes, visit the Tao of Pokerati archives.